Doing things you Like to do

[NinjaFrodo]

As people suffering from anxiety and depression we may think there is absolutely nothing we can do that can make us happy or maybe very little. Perhaps we have some limitations keeping us from the fun things but guess what...Those Fun things are going to have a major influence on your recovery!

I can still remember the first time i went through the program...I was working at a coffee shop fulltime, smoking but never hanging out with people. I would spend my time working on getting better. I did the program, I listened to audio books on memory, assertiveness, concentration, subliminal things, how to read body language and sooooo many other things. I got obsessed with recovering and you know what, I didn't really think about what I wanted. Because of that first go through the program I did end up quitting smoking, applying for collage and confronting the person who has abused me in the past but i still hadn't recovered.

Several attempts and years, I would go through the program and I would do very well and I could feel that vail of anxiety and depression start to lift...it was like my disconnection from the outside world was starting to dissipate but I kept sliding back. Why why did i keep sliding back? Because I had nothing to look forward to! Before I had this problem (before 12), I was very extroverted and I enjoyed being around people and this problem lead to me isolating myself to the point that well when i was 19-20 I would stay in my room and only come out when everybody else was asleep...I did that for a couple months. I didn't even leave my room to go to the washroom! I need to be around people! Not all the time but i need that human contact.

July of last year i was living with a friend...well that is, we were both moving out and I ended up going to another friend's place but still not really being around too many people...I would go to the gym 3X a week but just to workout...not so much about the classes. I moved into the other friend's place and there was a complication with the boyfriend and it ended in me going to CAMH (Center for addiction & mental health). That was an intresting experience to say the least...the first 2 weeks i couldn't really leave the building and the floor for mood and behavior was full (thats the one for anxiety and depression) so i was put on a floor with skitsophrenics and there were some of the nicest people there. I was constantly around people.

Then I was transfered to another building with a 30 day program where they had support groups and activities and such and it was a kinda dormatory style setup. In that place i was able to go to the gym and I started to take some of the yoga classes and hip-hip dance class too (who'd have thought i'd be into hip-hop dancing?). I hungout with some of the other participants of CAMH...had a swimming buddy, did relaxation with people (even got some relaxation cds for their program) and I was starting to have that vale lift. Unfortunately I had no place to go and it was nearing the end of the program so i had to ask a friend who lives outside of the city and close to nothing...if i could live with him and i did. Again i fell back and my life seemed like the same boring cycle...wake up, eat, go for a walk, come home, go on comp, eat, watch tv, sleep. I was lucky in that my friend worked in the city during the week and he took me with him everytime I wanted to go and so i would come down to the gym to workout and then go back because i didn't have much time while i was there. Those gym days were good days.

I recently ended up moving back, I got onto disability because i went to CAMH so i could afford to find a place here (which was difficult at first because i do have anxiety over things like finding a new place or getting a job and such...its all about my not good enough thoughts). Neways I moved down here and after i week of being sick (food poisoning) I am able to do what i want to do. I go to the gym 6 days a week, do yoga, hip hop dancing, buddhist chanting, some spiritual shiatsu dual classes and possibly gymnastics (we'll see). I feel really good when i do these things and I really do think this is the distraction i need because I cannot be thinking about anxiety every waking minute of my life anymore.

Keep in mind these things were not all easy to do. I had alot of obsesssive thoughts when it came to things like cardio when i'm on the tredmill for more than 5 minutes. I would obsess that i would be on that thing forever and coudln't do anything else and hip hop dancing where I would keep telling myself that I'm not good enough, same thing with the shiatsu classes. I ended up changing those thoughts into humorous thoughts and read them sooooo many times and was able to overcome them.

The point i'm trying to make is that even though i still have the anxiety and depression, I feel happy right now and I have hope.



Mike

[Guest]

Another thing i realized...While I finished a 2 year full time program in shiatsu and I did it professionally for a year, I was not happy. In fact I had obsessive suicidal thoughts each time i did a treatment that I felt was not good or did not reach my expectations. Life for me was just go, work, feel bad, eat, sleep and do it again the next day. Still nothing good to look forward to.

Life can get pretty boring if you don't do fun things and that would be depressing for anybody!


Mike

[Guest]

Yes! We all need a hobby, something fun to do. Like you say to look forward to. To get excited about. Its hard sometimes finding that certian thing, but once you try something, maybe you might really like it, and maybe something else will evolve from it. The best we can do is try.

[Guest]

I'm glad someone posted, i wasn't sure if anybody would or not. It can be very hard to find that certain thing or set of things. Personally when i first started the hip-hop class I liked it a little bit but i also hated it but that was because i was ruining the experience by telling myself that i'm not good enough. I was able to write through the thoughts i had associated with it and I went again...had those thoughts again but less intensity and replaced them and went for a 3rd time so far and the thoughts are still somewhat there but not as bad and i'm enjoying it alot. I wouldn't have known this if i just gave into those thoughts and gave up.


Mike

[Guest]

Oh I done that too, a million times. Its hard keeping a open mind, but if you can it usually comes out good. I started a obeadiance class with my dog. I was worried I would have the worst behaved dog there. Others were just as bad, some worse in other ways, some better. But I can say it was good and I look forward to going next week. The old days I remember my grandmother belonging to so many things, the ladies played cards, had flower club, put flags up in the town. Back when life seamed simple, and communitys were made up of real caring people. We just have to keep serching for a place to get involved and can't find something, we have to invent it.Maybe there is more intrest than we think? Glad your trying stuff!!!

[Guest]

Mike, what an inspiring story you wrote, keeping with the program!

I used to do lots of things, alone or with, didn't matter. Now I think about doing things, but can always find stuff to do at home so I don't have to go out. I get bored easily, so into my head I go! Ughh. I will think of your story every day...and try to get out...it all seems so silly not to GO!

Thanks. Mar

[Guest]

The anticipation mind state is usually one of catastrophy but in most cases you will find exactly what you described...some participants are just as bad, some worse and some better. I think it would be impossible for us to be the worst at every activity. But even if we are the worst at the activity that does not mean we are bad. Unfortunately we may be at a disadvantage because cognitively we are slower at the time but thats ok, it doesn't always have to be that way. I'm glad you are enjoying the obedience class and that sounds like a really exciting grandmother!


Mike

[Guest]

Inspiring is good, it means i've accomplished my goal.

I've been doing some research on sleep deprivation in correlation to anxiety and depression and I believe it is very possible that there is a connection between lack of interest and not enough or poor sleep. By lack of intrest i am refering to getting bored easily. I'm going to make another thread about sleep.


Mike

[Guest]

Mike, another good one. "The anticipation mind state is usually one of catastrophy "
And in my dog story, hes not bad, he just needs more exposiure. He needs to get out more...Hark! LOL...
I do miss my grandma, she was a fun person. Great cook too! will be looking forward to reading more of your post. hope your doing well!
oh Wonderfulight, I do that too, find stuff at home, keep up the good work though, you'll find more things as you go along that you'll want to get out to do.

[Guest]

Thank you, That was probabbly one of my better wordings but the ideas come from outside me.

When it comes down to it, nobody is really bad..they might not act they way that is expected but that doesn't make someone bad. Like you said, he needs more exposure.


Mike