Desire to live alone

[jthomas]

Thanks all for the responses! It's good to see parity of insights. One thing I failed to mention in my original post is that part of my desire to live alone stems from having no desire to live my life based on someone else s expectations. Particularly when others (wife) make no attempt to meet my expectations.
My beliefs, interests, and thought patterns to not fit with my wife's "frame of reference". Her perspective is that of a financially privileged, only child raised by Mr. and Mrs. Ward Cleaver. She professes to be open minded and liberal, but she is the most judgmental person I have ever met. She bases her opinions of people on the car they drive, the clothes they wear, their hairstyle or wardrobe. Even their accent/dialect.
I am at my wits end with this judgmental crap. It's apparent that after 10 years of marriage, I still don't meet her expectations.
So, now you all know why I don't talk to my wife about my anxiety and depression.

[creamcheese]

I have lived alone for some time. I have found out in my life that people do not treat you the same. They seem to alienate you because you are single. I feel like a 5th wheel at times just wobbling awkwardly through the motions of all the people that have families and lots of friends. I am glad I am not alone now...and that there are others who feel this way. I have one best friend who is the greatest support in my life now. Without him I would have been in an institution. I am struggling with a move I have to make out of state. Its the first time I am doing this and I am leaving my childhood home that has been my source of support and strength. But...I have found out just the opposite.....the house is my weakness and preventing me from obtaining MY OWN LIFE. I live in MEMORY LAND and are having major setbacks in my mind with memories of what used to be........I became more isolated as the years went by, I started to hate the area I lived in, the house because it was old and taking needed money from me for major repairs. I became engulfed in a void of a push and pull tug of war inside my brain. I dont want to leave, but then I want to. THE WAR is still raging inside my head.

[Paisleegreen]

I know I don't want to live alone, but I would like to have my own bedroom to go to. But as things worked out DH takes the new guestroom. Sometimes I feel bad that he leaves to sleep there, but then I hear his snoring from the other room and no that I would have to leave my bed and use the LR couch. I've written about this elsewhere. So right now during this time period, I enjoy the fact that he leaves and I get he TV to myself and he listens to his radio.

But the idea is more, lets get the room in a peaceful state and he go see a Dr about his snoring, etc.

[*slimjim]

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[sherry2010]

Jthomas, I'm curious if you know why in your first post you hid the "bad" things about your "wonderful lady?". I'm realizing lately that my relationship is a trigger for my anxiety. There are some great things about him but there are some deficiencies, and I find it hard to discern what comes first? These lead to anxiety or does my anxiety/depression lead to the relationship problems?...I'm guessing a little of both...but I can see how it would be stressful to be an insecure person involved with a judgmental person...we judge ourselves harshly enough...

[BLEUSKIES]

sherry2010...I am wondering the same thing about my relationship with my boyfriend. Seems like more of my triggers are about our relationship. But, is it me am I the cause for the anxiety that is related to it? Do I over think it...does he have these worries?

[Paisleegreen]

Bleuskies and sherry2010, my DH is a trigger and yet a comfort. So yesterday he was more upsetting to me, but better today, probably because I've been on this website and able to talk things out.

I did fix me a good meal yesterday and ate it today. So that seems to be helping, and sleeping without him in my bed is helping because I'm getting a good night's sleep.

He is responding to me better today as I work on my issues. We saw a psychologist last week together and he helped to explain that I have G.A.D. and that any sarcastic thing he says or even a look or action he makes, I will obsess over it and ruminate about what is he thinking...

So last night was still a bit stressful, but today is better. I never quite know how things are going to be w/ him or myself. Because I use to be the patient one and spent my time with my dog and garden all day long. But my dog I had to put to sleep a year or so ago and I was confronted by family that I could no longer do all the things I use to do to cope.

So now...what do I do now that isn't going to cause some criticism. I only have my 19 year old son living at home, and he is either sleeping, on his computer or working. My husband is either sleeping, working or in his office.

So I get pretty lonely, so my dog, gardens and other coping mechanisms kept me occupied.

I do some volunteer work, and now I'm on here, when I'm not watching TV, reading emails, reading books, visiting on the phone and walking. I just started cooking again, just barely.

My adult children can be triggers, the single ones are more so, because they are lonely themselves.

[sherry2010]

Hi Kim and paislee,
I felt some relief watching the coaching DVD for session 3, when she says if you're feeling uncertain about a relationship or job not to make a rash decision about it now, but rather wait until you're done the program.
How are the two of you doing?