Getting over the past!

0124vtd · Post by **0124vtd** » Fri Nov 26, 2010 3:49 am

A couple of weeks ago a memory from my past came up that I am not real proud of and ever since I have been trying to figure out ways to get past it. I feel as if I have fogiven myself for it but I am not 100% sure. The memory had faded some but is not gone. I feel like I can sit here and read this forum for help and do everything but it keeps just popping into my head every once in a while. Sitting here right now the memory is not vividly there but I just feel like it is just sitting back there waiting to rare its ugly face at any moment. Everytime I think a negative thought about it I try to replace it with as positive a thought as I can come up with and redirect my attention. Am I doing something wrong here? I cannot quite put my finger on what the problem is right now. I have done very well with keeping it from becoming severe anxiety but it is still very annoying that it will not just disappear. I have been through the program once a couple years ago and I am just so confused as to what to do here.

Thanks for looking

Brandon

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Mon Nov 29, 2010 8:43 am

Hi Brandon, is the memory something that needs rectifying or just something that you feel ashamed of that maybe it isn't all your fault. Maybe clarifying that on paper that you can burn later will feel better. DR David Burns has a book called Feeling Good Mood Therapy book that has ideas to help with bad or negative thoughts.

Also, Ninja Frodo has it on one of the Session discussions. I'll have to post later on which one that is.

0124vtd · Post by **0124vtd** » Sun Dec 12, 2010 7:49 am

Thank you for your replay Paislee. I feel as if I have been doing prett well lately with everything. Now as long as I am occupied I do not think about it at all. I have really been able to get caught up in the present moment lately and that has been really nice. Now I just keep getting alot of thought like "what if this thought comes back"? Seems that if I get a little bored or I have something at work that I don't want to do is when it comes up now. I will get there I just have to keep telling myself that. It is very hard at times and I feel like I am going to slip back but I refuse to go there again so I am going to keep pushing on.

Keeping the Faith · Post by **Keeping the Faith** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 12:03 pm

I did something a few months ago that was actually funny but helped TREMENDOUSLY.

I wrote down the ruminating thought....I was still pissed after over a year that my inlaws wore JEANS, SHORTS, and TENNIS SHOES to my wedding. Oh yes indeedy they did. Stupid, I know, but I could NOT get over it. It was getting me more and more angry.

So I wrote it on a piece of paper and watched it go through our high-powered cross-cutting shredder in the office. I took morbid pleasure in it and the suprising thing is...IT WORKED! This is the first I've mentioned of it since!

Sometimes try stepping out of the box for a zany idea that may work vs. something conventional. That's what I did. All the talking and rationalizing I could do would NOT let it go away, but the power shredder did!

Good luck!

flippinkid · Post by **flippinkid** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:36 am

There are some past events that keep coming into my head too. Things I've done that I'm not proud of. I know that to move on I have to forgive myself. I won't ever forget them, unless I have my memory removed by brain surgery. I know that.
It's hard isn't it?
That's a good suggestion Keeping The Faith. Perhaps doing something a little crazy with the thought will help. Even if you have to do it over more than once. It devalues the memory.

creamcheese · Post by **creamcheese** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:33 pm

WHAT A JOB THAT IS!!! Forgetting is so hard....I just moved out of my home state there and even though I am busy here, my brain is taking me back home in my dreams at night. I know this is a subconscious thing that is embedded into my mind. I have much trouble releasing things. I also have bad memories in that house but somehow keep holding onto it with white knuckles. can you fiqure??? I did something terrible also in the past there...it will always haunt me. Its the guilt part that never lets go unfortunately.

0124vtd · Post by **0124vtd** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:37 pm

Well I have been doing really well lately and I have found that the key for me is to keep reassureing myself that I am going to be fine and this will go away with time. I have really been able to focus on life lately and where my life is going. There are days when it seems to push harder than others but the days keep getting better and better for me. I finally realized that this will take time and isn't going to happen immediately. I am a very impatient person by nature and I think most of us are. It is also comforting to know that there are others out there that are like me.

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:39 pm

Keeping the Faith-- I love it! I'm with you. I've been upset with family that didn't come to my son's wedding after we took care of them financially, physically and emotionally for 3 years. Not one person in this family came to see my son get married, they only needed to stay 5 minutes and the church building was very close.

I, being the more sensitive and responsible one will go visit them and give their Grandchildren some money for their birthdays in the next few days. Because I understand where they are coming from and I'm at a better place to lift them up. Eventually, I will get over my sadness or disappointment.

I'm pretty much over it...yep...sort of...