I keep having these anxious thoughts and feelings, as well as depression, although I am just about to start session 4. A lot of my anxiety revolves around eating food outside of my safe place (parents' home) due to a fear of being sick.
I have been trying to be diligent about following the program, but mornings are still tough for me. I wake up with a general feeling of anxiety and depression and think about depressing things. I'm really trying to live in the moment, but I can't help but obsess over past and future events.
I just wake up in the morning and HATE myself. And then I go through the rest of the day feeling like a zombie.
My psych prescribed clonazepam for the anxiety, which I take at night. But it puts me in such a deep sleep that I can barely get up in the mornings. I'm also on Zoloft with marginal success.
I have my good days and my bad days, but lately, the stress has been building and along with it the anxiety.
I feel the best at night, and I find I don't want to go to sleep because I want to avoid the AM discomfort. I cannot seem to shake it.
I'm putting a lot of hope in this program but so far, I can't say as that I have had too many triumphs with it, and this depresses me. I just feel my world getting smaller and smaller...
Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent.
John
Spiralling
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Guest
I could have written almost all of this post!! Very similar experience here, just slightly different details. One thing that stands out from your post is that you recognize why you don't want to go to sleep- because once you are asleep the next thing is a "thud" into awareness as the medication wears off and you wake to an anxiety-ridden brain you didn't have a chance to catch before it ramped up- you just "came to" that way. HUGE insight!! Congratulations 
You are already getting in touch with your higher mind, the one above the noise, and you're only on session 4. Awesome!
I can relate. I'm on a similar medication, taken at bedtime, and I also awake with a thud and full of anxiety. One thing that helps is to listen to the relaxation CD as soon as I take the pill and crawl into the sheets- sometimes I even just put it on repeat on a low volume. Then I listen to it again as SOON AS I wake up (or, "come to" as I call it) even though my brain wants to keep spinning and set me up for a horrible day. This single practice has really taken the edge off. Try and tonight/ tomorrow morning and let me know how it goes.
I'll write more about your eating anxiety after work. I have some thoughts there too, as I face that same challenge.
You are already getting in touch with your higher mind, the one above the noise, and you're only on session 4. Awesome! I can relate. I'm on a similar medication, taken at bedtime, and I also awake with a thud and full of anxiety. One thing that helps is to listen to the relaxation CD as soon as I take the pill and crawl into the sheets- sometimes I even just put it on repeat on a low volume. Then I listen to it again as SOON AS I wake up (or, "come to" as I call it) even though my brain wants to keep spinning and set me up for a horrible day. This single practice has really taken the edge off. Try and tonight/ tomorrow morning and let me know how it goes.
I'll write more about your eating anxiety after work. I have some thoughts there too, as I face that same challenge.
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Guest
Cuttinggirl-
Thanks for the reply. It's nice to know that there is somebody out there who can relate to my issues.
I think part of the problem is that I tried to wean myself off my meds too soon (bad decision). I've since gone back onto the medications, and I've had a better go of it he last two days, but still not where I want to be.
I'd be interested in hearing your theories on the eating thing.
I will try the relaxation CD when I wake up and let you know if it helped!
John
Thanks for the reply. It's nice to know that there is somebody out there who can relate to my issues.
I think part of the problem is that I tried to wean myself off my meds too soon (bad decision). I've since gone back onto the medications, and I've had a better go of it he last two days, but still not where I want to be.
I'd be interested in hearing your theories on the eating thing.
I will try the relaxation CD when I wake up and let you know if it helped!
John
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Guest
My only safe place for eating is my house, with no one around to see me. Even then, sometimes the anxiety and fear of choking or getting sick is so overwhelming I can't eat. For days at a time. Thin smoothies help during these times. One thing that helps is to take a looooong time chewing, as long as I feel like I need to, and swallow gently and not while trying to talk. After a time, some of the anxiety dissipates. Even when anxiety is low, it's still sometimes really hard to eat in front of others.
I'm not sure exactly where this fear, physical reaction to eating comes from, but it might be worth looking at more closely. Does it happens eating certain types of food? Solid/ salty/ meat/ fruit/ sugary things? Or is it more location-oriented... you mention that your parent's house is your safe place for eating. Is it tied into agoraphobia? For me it is. Going out to eat with friends is one of the scariest things I can think of, especially if we're sitting in a booth far from the door. What else is part of the picture? Are you afraid of gaining weight? Embarassing yourself? Choking? Getting sick from the food? Losing control and eating too much?
I'm not sure exactly where this fear, physical reaction to eating comes from, but it might be worth looking at more closely. Does it happens eating certain types of food? Solid/ salty/ meat/ fruit/ sugary things? Or is it more location-oriented... you mention that your parent's house is your safe place for eating. Is it tied into agoraphobia? For me it is. Going out to eat with friends is one of the scariest things I can think of, especially if we're sitting in a booth far from the door. What else is part of the picture? Are you afraid of gaining weight? Embarassing yourself? Choking? Getting sick from the food? Losing control and eating too much?
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Guest
For me, I think it stems from a bout of food poisoning that I had ten years ago. I was ill and vomiting. It was also at this time I was supposed to visit an out-of-state college I was going to attend. Due to illness, I had to skip it. Long story short, I had my first panic attack at this point, and the culmination of a really bad one was me gagging and dry heaving.
I think, for me, it's quantity more than anything. Or eating really heavy foods. I get anxious about eating even at home, although it is often worse when out and about.
As an example, I rarely eat a large breakfast in the morning because my anxiety is the worse in the morning. In the evening, I tend to eat the most, because my anxiety isn't nearly as pronounced.
Sometimes, I just eat whatever and then get a 'what if I get sick' thought in my head and it spirals regardless of location or time of day.
On another topic, I tried your suggestion and listened to the relaxation tape first thing this morning and it really seemed to help lessen my anxiety and depression. Thanks you for that idea!
John
I think, for me, it's quantity more than anything. Or eating really heavy foods. I get anxious about eating even at home, although it is often worse when out and about.
As an example, I rarely eat a large breakfast in the morning because my anxiety is the worse in the morning. In the evening, I tend to eat the most, because my anxiety isn't nearly as pronounced.
Sometimes, I just eat whatever and then get a 'what if I get sick' thought in my head and it spirals regardless of location or time of day.
On another topic, I tried your suggestion and listened to the relaxation tape first thing this morning and it really seemed to help lessen my anxiety and depression. Thanks you for that idea!
John