Anger...so much anger

NinjaFrodo · Post by **NinjaFrodo** » Wed Jun 30, 2010 3:18 pm

A friend of mine just suddenly stopped returning phone calls, won't pick up his phone and has invited some mutual friends and friends who he met through me to a party and did not invite me. I'm having a really difficult time with this growth opportunity, I feel so angry and afraid that he might take my friends away from me and I'd end up alone.

Any advice?

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 30, 2010 5:11 pm

Hi Mike... I was thinking that if someone else posted this question your answer would probably be, "he can't take your friends away if they are REALLY your friends"! That's not helping you, is it? It's funny but I have been dealing with something similar. A good friend of mine that I love dearly has not returned my calls (or Emails) for about 2 weeks, I even talked to her husband who said he would tell her to call. No call. I am so hurt and of course I am thinking she's mad at me, What have I done? Last night I decided that if I don't hear from her by this weekend, I will go to her house and ask,"what is going on?" I don't know what else to do. Maybe this would work for you?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 30, 2010 6:20 pm

Well i got a mutual friend to go and talk to him but i haven't heard back yet. I had to pull out my feeling good book and write out thoughts using dr.Burns' methods. I'm also doing a pro and con for dwelling on this anger towards this guy.

I have told myself that he does not have the ability to control what my other friends think say or do and so he cannot make them stop being friends with me and even if he tried to manipulate them it wouldn't work because my friends are really smart. What will probabbly happen is that they will have to spend time with him and time with me. I also know it is not the end of the world if he is not my friend anymore and if its ment to be then he will eventually come around.

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 01, 2010 3:57 am

wow ya i was so angry that i'm starting to get a cold now, that was totally not worth it. It really isn't worth dying for.

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 01, 2010 11:48 am

Hi. I say just throw a party of your own and invite them to show them that you're big enough to forgive them if they're big enough to swollow their ill conception of you and your condition. Otherwise cut the cord and go on with your lives. If you want to be liked by everyone you meet you might as well wish to win the Lottery 'cause it ain't going to happened. My Friends and I share good times because we talk to one another. The GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY PARTS of ourselves. This is what in my opinion makes a good friendship.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jul 01, 2010 7:41 pm

You are very right slimjim cept for i am not allowed to have parties at my residence.

Well it actually turned out that he didn't actually get my messages and his phone didn't ring when i called...so he says but he had texted me earlier today and asked if i was coming and then i called him and we talked and things worked out which is good.

It's not that i want to be liked by everybody, I was more concerned that it would put my friends in a position where they'd hafta choose weather to hangout with me or the other guy on big occasions like canada day, may 24, pride week...stuff like that. I wouldn't want my friends to choose him over me.

Oh and i think i'm going to go over that post you made in my onion thread again...this situation has made me realize that I am still very weak when it comes to handling anger.

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jul 02, 2010 4:19 pm

Hi Mike......Well, it turns out that my friend didn't get my messages either. Her husband told her that Kirstie Alley called (he thinks I sound like her) so she just didn't take him seriously. I guess we were both upset and angry for nothing, in my case that is no suprise. Then, I am angry with myself for being upset for nothing! My problem is I really do want everyone to like me. All the time! It's just not possible........I am glad your situation worked out.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jul 03, 2010 10:01 am

Its kinda odd though he didn't get both my voice messages on his phone and said his phone didn't ring when i called him but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

I am not completely void of the desire to be liked by everybody but it isn't something that is as important or a necessity as it was in my past.

I not only got upset for nothing, I actually got sick...i started to lose my voice a couple days ago and am really tired and got a cold now. If it was a legit situation i would have let that other person have that control over me, that is really not cool.

Mike

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 04, 2010 10:49 am

Sorry to hear or read that your not up to snuff. I know how my emotions wreak havic with my body too. Most of the time when I'm stressed out my left foot will swell. This helps me to realize that there's something smelly in the back of my mind that I need to deal with it. We can tell others that we're just doing fine, but you can't fool your own self. So good luck on getting over this hurdle. I myself had my own to walk through when I took the course. And was darn glad I had a great coach to walk me through them. And for those out there that have those stupid bumper stickers that state NO FEAR I just laugh at you. Everybody that walks on this earth has it. Why do you think we're so deep in additictions in this country if we didn't. Answer me that! So get well soon. Thanx.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jul 04, 2010 1:17 pm

It was a necessary situation. It motivated me to get back into replacing thoughts on paper and i'm also thinking of going through the program yet again for the 5478394739 time.

You're right we cannot lie to ourselves but wow your leg would swell...that is diffrent.

I have read the posts you put in my recent threads and you had mentioned about the doctors and your sister and something about how she was the one who is putting herself through it with her controlling attitude or something along those lines...I made me come up with a question that i may use when looking at the people i want to forgive...what are the people involved in this situation in control of? Yes perhaps they have done some aweful things to me but they do not create the thoughts that i am thinking now. I'm in control of that, not them which means i'm the one who can change that, they don't have that control over me.

As for the NO FEAR issue...i had a housemate who got a tattoo that said somehting about NO FEAR or FEARLESS and i kept thinking "your so full of it", the guy was an alcoholic...I think thats just really far into denial.

Mike