Even anxious about this forum

renaissancegirl · Post by **renaissancegirl** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 9:20 am

Hi,
Just posted on the "welcome" board, felt like I bared my soul, which is hard for me, as I tend to be quite reserved. Of course, no replies there.

I have not yet received my materials, but I intend to give them a try when they arrive. My panic disorder and OCD is really getting to me more lately than my bipolar disorder. I went from no job (laid off from a good job in February after being on extended leave when I was hospitalized), and have just started a new job as an editor for, ironically, a medical society.

Good job, but lots of responsibility and stress. I've stopped taking the seroquel my psychiatrist prescribed, because I simply cannot function. One can't sit around drooling and work. I've got klonopin for the anxiety, but that doesn't help with the depression.

I guess I'm just wondering if I'm all alone here, if anyone will even think I'm worth replying to. I don't usually post on these forum things, so I'm nervous about this. If anyone has any suggestions or advice about the best way to go about beginning this program amidst HIGH anxiety, I welcome it.

Since I have really low self esteem, I don't expect anyone to reply to this post, but if someone does, thanks.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 9:33 am

Its normal to be nervous. You are making alot of life changes. I'm also dealing with the low self esteem thing and axiety and depression. I think you're really going to love the program. I only started last week and I'm already beginning to feel better. I didn't used to pay attention to the things I was telling myself. After listening to tape one it was like turning on a light in a dark room. I started to realized I was saying alot of negative things to myself. Who wouldn't feel nervous all the time? I think you should be proud of yourself for getting a new job. Thats not always easy to do. And hang in there. This program will really help. I promise. Also come here anytime. The people here are so supportive and helpful.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 10:32 am

Why wouldn't we answer you? My goodness you certainly are worth being acknowledged. Liz has good advice and I promise too after being on here, making new friends and working the program you will be a different person. As soon as you get the program use your relaxation tape a lot. That will really help. Is your job part time or full time? I too am bi-polar and it's a constant struggle besides the ADHD. Sometimes I wish someone could have my brain and I theres to see what the real difference is. Come on chat, keep posting and you'll feel better.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 10:48 am

I would have replied to you on the welcome board but couldn't find it. So just know there's people care. Hopefully you'll come back here so I can write back.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 12:44 pm

Welcome Renesance girl.

Im so glad that you have found your way to the program and this site. Congratulations to you for taking charge of YOU!

This whole process can be very intimidating but I have to say that the people you will meet here the bonds that you will make are so wonderfull. The encouragement that I have gotten from people that can relate to me has been outstanding!

Its hard to find the positive in a very negative world...we are so influenced by so much in the media and such that is negative but you have just found the answer to all your questions. I promise you that.

This program will give you the coping skills you need to kick some serious anxiety/depression ASS! You can do it.

Waiting is the worst.....you wonder what will it be like? Will it work for me? All that goes through our never ending thinking minds....but Im telling you the best is so yet to come.

I hope that you will come to this forum and to the online chat and get to meet the people there....its a great way to find the balance in a very stressfull world.

Again Welcome!!!!Hope I see you around.
Dodger

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 05, 2008 1:32 pm

Hi Rengirl ...
I am so glad you posted! I am pretty new to this too, and not always sure where to post. When I post in my Lesson forums, there isn't much activity on those. But I am glad I found your post and I am glad that you reached out.

We have a lot in common. I am a journalist, and worked in public relations as a writer/editor for a hospital for several years. Now I stay home with my kids, so the career is on hold (and hopefully over -- I never was much of the corporate type!) I hope to use my writing skills in another way someday.

I also have depression, and for awhile doctors thought I might be Bipolar II, but that's since been ruled out. I just go back and forth between low-grade depression and major depression. Fun, fun!

I tried Seroquel once, and I slept for almost 3 days straight. Horrible! I also take Klonapin for sleep at night, and for anxiety when needed. I am also on a low dose of Abilify and Lexapro, and I take Adderall during the day just to function because of the severe fatigue and brain fog. I feel like a pharmacy!

I have hope for you with this program! I am on Lesson 4 now, and I am beginning to have hope that I will finish the program, and I have already noticed significant changes. At first it was hard, trying to change my thoughts, especially with clinical depression. But now I am catching on, and it is so exciting!

One thing I want to mention to you is that I tried this program 5 years ago and didn't make it past Lesson 5. It was just because I didn't have the time -- we adopted a baby at that time and everything else fell by the wayside. This time I am doing the program with a coach, and it is so much better for me. She helps keep me on track, and helps me understand things that I didn't catch at first. So, if you have trouble during the course of the program, working with a coach is a great help, and worth the investment.

Take care and have hope! I know how you feel! I hope we "run into each other" more on the site. I haven't tried the live chats yet ... that is my next step

.

Fondly,
Maureen

cfe · Post by **cfe** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 1:41 pm

Thanks to everyone for your replies, encouragement, and advice. My apologies for a delayed response; it has been a very tiring week. In the evenings, I have been simply fatigued. Wonder if it's a coping mechanism for the excess stress...

But I intend to give this program a real effort, and I will definitely be using the relaxation tape quite a bit. And I will visit this forum daily.

So Dodger, momurph, Lizmomof4 (enjoy that avatar!), Barb -- thanks so much, and I hope to "meet" you again soon and often here.

Again, thanks! I feel hopeful, and not so alone now.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 2:09 pm

Hey! Keep your head up girl!! OCD is so annoying.. believe me, i know. Ive got it..and it can really get us down sometimes. But we will always be here to answer for you!!!! If you ever need something, you can message me..im always up to chat. Please don't feel alone..because you are not alone.
We are all going through this together.Sometimes it may take awhile for people to respond, but you'll always get an answer. Im terribly sorry you feel so alone. I was quite sad to read that. You'll find these boards to be quite supportive. So please, dont worry. You'll be just fine

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 11, 2008 4:29 am

U R stronger than you think. Give yourself credit & a pat on the back, 4 taking a chance & baring your soul. I'm alot like you, I beat myself up with negative thoughts. 1st thing to do is recognize this. Feeling you are not worthwhile is a negative thought. We have alot of work cut out 4 us to learn how to shortcircuit this way of thinking. I looked on the internet for positive affirmations, wrote them down and recorded my voice saying them. I listen to my meek voice on it several times a day. I got earpieces so no one else can hear & I play it while walking my dog. Also another thing that encourages me is Hillary Cinton, despite all of her baggage, she is running 4 president. Alot of people think she's greedy 4 power, but she doesn't care. She is doing what she wants to do. She has the same heart,lungs,stomach..etc that we have. She is also like you, you stuck your neck out, took risks. Don't ever let yourself feel bad about that!