Your input appreciated

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:58 am

Both my parents passed away this past year. I am taking care of their home, which is in a very quiet little town about 15 minutes away. I am in a quandary. I decide to sell it. I almost get it listed. My sentimental mind takes over and I want to keep it. Sadness used to take over when I went there each day to water the yard and feed Mom's cats. Now I enjoy going there and just hanging out. Lucinda advises us to wait until we finish the program before we make big decisions. Is this one of those big decisions? My mind changes hourly. I worry I will be losing part of my parents. I am driving myself nuts.

~*schnauzermom*~ · Post by **~*schnauzermom*~** » Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:34 pm

Wow. I am really so sorry for your losses. I know how you feel. I lost my father 4 years ago. He had an apartment building, 2 flat with a garden apartment. He had the owners suite. It was really nice and clean. I did not want the headache of tenants, so my sister wanted to keep the property for first sentimental reasons, then investment ones.

I am not sure of your financial situation, but keeping the property along with your home may cause more stress. Upkeep like paint, roof, mowing, weeding, appliances, plumbing (when it is not used frequently can cause valves to go bad), the issue of safety of a vacant property, property taxes, homeowners insurance, and the like.

If your parents place appeals to you, maybe move in! My husband and I were thinking about buying my sister out and living at his home, but it is in the city, the traffic, parking is troublesome and NO real yard for our dogs. But your parents place sounds very relaxing because YOU enjoy it.

It is hard to let go of something when it was part of your life. You lost your parents, now the home is an extension of them. I so understand you wanting to keep it. My heart goes out to you. I would say if it will not cause any stress, hang on to it until you feel confident in the decision you feel is the right one. If you have to think and think and think, I do not think you are really ready to make any decision right now. Just my 2 cents.

Mary Wargo · Post by **Mary Wargo** » Thu Aug 07, 2008 12:58 pm

Pecos - My heart goes out to you right now. I was in a similar situation 10 years ago. I had to fly to Pennsylvania in the middle of the night when my mom had a stroke and ended up going thru a funeral, estate probate, and listing the house I grew up in for sale all in a matter of three weeks time. To say I was devastated is an understatement. I had no time to grieve or adjust to the fact that she was gone. The house we grew up in had such an emotional attachment I did not want to let it go because I think I thought that if we kept the house it would be like she was still there and maybe give me comfort. I sold the house and found that letting go of the house did not mean I was letting go of her and the memories, because they are still here with me. There may not be any rush to sell the property and you may find that when you are ready to let go you will, but eventually we do.

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Thu Aug 07, 2008 1:23 pm

You both have excellent insightful and experiential advice. I am unable to make a decision, and so afraid that if I cut loose of it I will drive by everyday and want to knock on the door and ask to be invited in to sit for awhile near the big garden window. I want to sell it, I can't seem to sell it. After my past weekend, this should seem like an easy bridge to cross. I guess this is self talking without the negatives or positives, and when I keep it up I obsessively worry until my chest really physically hurts. I want to thank both of you for sharing your own losses of parents. I still keep my mother's handbag on a table, complete with all her stuff inside, as if she is going to walk by and get it any moment. You are right, it's too early to decide. Very good point: upkeep, labor and expense does concern me. I am glad I didn't have to do all this decision making in a few weeks. How terribly hard that must have been.
I sure appreciate this new material to consider. Thank you.

Wayne Warrick · Post by **Wayne Warrick** » Fri Aug 08, 2008 3:28 am

pecos:
I am thankful to still have both my parents but I am a sentimentalist myself so I can definitely relate in some way.
You have to ask yourself "What would they want me to do?"
As long as you feel "Good" going there then I would keep it for a while. There is no rush, especially if you have the time to do it and it does not start to wear on you. (The Work tiring you Out) This is a big decision and I would not make this decision until YOU get to feeling better (You will Know When). As long as it makes you feel "Good" going there and enjoying the wonderful memories I am sure their home offers you, try to enjoy it. While you are there, look up to the Heavens and ask them. You just may get an answer!
If you fear guilt in selling their home,you shouldn't because that is the last thing your parents would have wanted. Ask yourself if your parents would wanted you to take care of their home. The answers will come in time.
After some time, a home not occupied will start to deteriorate little by little. Like any home, it will need upkeep. If you can handle taking care of two homes for a while then there is nothing wrong with that and I say "Go For It". It will help keep your mind occupied while in pleasant surroundings.
The one thing I do know, you Will know when to let go of your parents home so you should stop worrying about that. Time Will Answer Your Fears, Doubts and Questions and of corse, pray to the LORD for assistance. You can't go wrong there. Hope I have helped in some small way. Remember, One Step At A Time Will Get You There! GOD Bless!
Wayne

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Fri Aug 08, 2008 8:18 am

Thank you so much, Wayne. I do like the idea of asking my parents, making them the guide. The answer will arrive in time. I reread through all three replies, and found that I have excellent counsel here from all of you. Today when I went by the house I felt quite calm. I don't plan to think about it anymore right now. The answer will arrive when it's ready. All the advice is so appreciated.

~*schnauzermom*~ · Post by **~*schnauzermom*~** » Sat Aug 09, 2008 9:02 am

Pecos,

You are SO right. The answer will arrive when it is ready. I am glad that you felt calm. Just know that you do not have to decide anything within a 24 hours, a few days, a week, etc. I was not even sure what to do myself when my father died. (he also had a girlfriend and her son, the sons girlfriend and the son's child living in the flat, so talk about sticky

.) It will take time. This is not a quick and easy decision to make, allow yourself some time, try not to over think it, be gentle and caring, treat yourself as you would the ones closest and dearest to you.

bradley1960 · Post by **bradley1960** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 11:21 am

Pecos; Back in the summer of 2000 both of my parents passed away 39 days apart. They had lived with us for the last seven years prior to going to a nursing home in March of 2000. WE (my wife and I) visited every day til they passed. Over the entire next year we went through the grieving process. Every holiday, birthday, or any time we would have done something with them we missed them but healed a little bit. After thet year things got much easier. I was able to demolish their decaying house and kept the property. During that year I couldn't tear it down. I suggest you wait at lesast until you are done grieving to decide whether to sell or not. If you aren't sure wheather you are done or not contact a prfessional counseler skilled in this field. I can't remember how many steps there are to the process. And remember your support group cares. Private message me any time you need to discuss this . I will keep you in my prayers and God Bless, Bradley.

pecos · Post by **pecos** » Wed Sep 10, 2008 2:41 pm

Bradley, how absolutely kind of you to share this with me. I did struggle so terribly with this emotional snag, but all the replies were so realistic. I took the advice to heart and then began to separate my feelings of attachment from the fact that it would get pretty expensive in upkeep (more excellent advice here). I went ahead with a full interior remodel. The house was adorable, but I decided a complete remodel to bring it into newish order would help change it for me internally. It worked. When it is completed by the end of this year, it won't even resemble my parent's house. And I already have a realtor who wants to list it. What a difficult thing this is. I am so sorry you lost your parents so close together. It really is almost too much to handle, and without this program and these wonderful people (like you!) my depression would still be running my life. Again, thank you. I do appreciate you.

KRISTEN · Post by **KRISTEN** » Thu Sep 11, 2008 3:37 pm

I would wait awhile.Don`t jump into something you may regret later.