heis......
Its always easy to fix someone else than ourselves. Dont be discouraged if you cant see the light right away. As you grow and develope your skills you will start to see that changes come.
We are our worst own critics.
Like I said in the other post. Its not the outside people that need to understand the problem its us......when "we" get it and "we" fix it, it wont matter if they do or not cuz it wont exsist. You are the key to your recovery. your actions and your reactions to others thats the key.
Stay positive be your own cheerleader...you can do it you will do it.
thats all we need to understand we will recover!
Dodger
I feel like noone understands me
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Liz,
I love the phrase your own safe person. Because that is what it is all about.
I was married for 13 years to an angry person who criticised and judged. It was so bad for me that I finally decided to end the relationship. I had to, for survival.
I said that, not to equate my marital situation to yours, but because I wanted to stress how important it is, even in a marriage, to remain your own person. Your own safe person, your own advocate.
You have encouraged me in my posts, and so I wanted to reply here and tell you that while it's a challenge, to go through your own challenges whilst maintining a relationship with someone else, that you can do it. You have it in you.
For Patricia, perhaps you're focusing outwards, and you need to grow quiet and turn inwards. Your husband has his own perception of you, and what you're going through, but your own experiences are known to no one but you. And you do understand yourself. You've just blocked out the voice. We all do sometimes; it's easy to do in the way life is these days. But please know that when you slow down, stay in the present moment, you will hear your own voice, begin to understand your own heart and self. Don't get discouraged. It's all hard work. But it's worth it.
I love the phrase your own safe person. Because that is what it is all about.
I was married for 13 years to an angry person who criticised and judged. It was so bad for me that I finally decided to end the relationship. I had to, for survival.
I said that, not to equate my marital situation to yours, but because I wanted to stress how important it is, even in a marriage, to remain your own person. Your own safe person, your own advocate.
You have encouraged me in my posts, and so I wanted to reply here and tell you that while it's a challenge, to go through your own challenges whilst maintining a relationship with someone else, that you can do it. You have it in you.
For Patricia, perhaps you're focusing outwards, and you need to grow quiet and turn inwards. Your husband has his own perception of you, and what you're going through, but your own experiences are known to no one but you. And you do understand yourself. You've just blocked out the voice. We all do sometimes; it's easy to do in the way life is these days. But please know that when you slow down, stay in the present moment, you will hear your own voice, begin to understand your own heart and self. Don't get discouraged. It's all hard work. But it's worth it.
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I have found that even with a very understanding and supportive husband he just never really "got it". I think unless you experience it first hand you have NO idea, just as with childbirth. No amount of explaining it can prepare you for that experience. My husband listened to the program with me and he gained a better understanding, but still, it was not the same.
I used to listen to my lesson when my husband was around and I used the CD player that would pump the stuff all over the house so he would hear it no matter what. He had no choice. I would be cleaning the house in different rooms so I would have the lesson playing. That is one way to get him to listen to it. Not that he may pay 100% attention, but we never know!
Like others said, you are your safe person, the person you can rely on. I know it is hard to have someone yelling at you when you really are trying, but I think maybe that is just frustration because HE has not idea how to fix it. Most men just want to "fix it" and move on. Some things require more than just a turn of a wrench though and some men have a hard time. My uncle did with my aunt, he said she did not need pills, therapy, etc. Well yes he is right because she CAN overcome this but his attitude and seemingly not supportive attitude was not helping my down and out aunt. She has found that she can be a strong person and overcome this ...and she has. You will see this too. You will gain confidence!
I used to listen to my lesson when my husband was around and I used the CD player that would pump the stuff all over the house so he would hear it no matter what. He had no choice. I would be cleaning the house in different rooms so I would have the lesson playing. That is one way to get him to listen to it. Not that he may pay 100% attention, but we never know!
Like others said, you are your safe person, the person you can rely on. I know it is hard to have someone yelling at you when you really are trying, but I think maybe that is just frustration because HE has not idea how to fix it. Most men just want to "fix it" and move on. Some things require more than just a turn of a wrench though and some men have a hard time. My uncle did with my aunt, he said she did not need pills, therapy, etc. Well yes he is right because she CAN overcome this but his attitude and seemingly not supportive attitude was not helping my down and out aunt. She has found that she can be a strong person and overcome this ...and she has. You will see this too. You will gain confidence!