I haven't heard of anyone going thru this, what is it?
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PuttyInGodsHand
- Posts: 5
- Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2008 7:45 pm
I very intensely listened to the program and what I was feeling, and doing, it didn't mention. It is kind of hard to explain but I will do my best. I have this obsession about moving, have had it for about 30yrs now. I go back and forth with it, and now since I am divorced it is more predominant than before. I spend about 16hours out of 24 feeling like I belong somewhere else, so I never do try to get involved or get close to anyone, because I always think I am not going to be there the next year. I get on a city, or a town in another state and obsess about my life there. This occupies most of my day. The other 8hours are spent calming my mind down because it is drained thinking about relocating. How strange is this? I have looked back and have seen myself alone and not involved in life because I thought I would be relocating sometime soon. Well, this time it has been 15yrs these thoughts have gone on. Along with this, it is very strange! When I am going to these areas to visit and see if I want to live there, I get this thought whenever I am looking at homes for sale...This thought is " how will Scott ever find me?" Scott is my exhusband of 20yrs together. He divorced me because of my depression/anxiety and subsequent weight gain. We have been divorced going on 10yrs now and although I try not to think about him at all when I am out and about looking for a new home for myself.....that thought "how is Scott ever going to find me" comes up!!! NOW I KNOW I AM GOING CRAZY. So, I am friendless, lonely in a city I never want to live in because I have fantasies of a better life somewhere else....I have lost my life, and now I get those thoughts about my ex never being able to find me......Please HELP me understand how/why these thoughts are coming up and why I still miss him so badly, will I ever get over this obsession and my love for my ex? And will this feeling of How will he ever find me? go away? my obsessions and compulsions are ruining my life. And you only get one chance!
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Guest
Interstig - I have done this myself. I have obessesed on different states or simply moving to a new house in the same town. I think for me, its more of a "diversion" rather to face my anxiety or depression at the time.
BUT, I think seeing a therapist may be helpful for youin determing why you dont want to form friendships. My guess, based on your writings, is that YOU dont want to be rejected - sounds like the divorse did a number on you. So if you dont approach people and try to form friendships, you cant get rejected. Think about that. Did anyone else leave you in your life? My father left my mom before I was born - so I have similar issues of abandonment and fears of being alone.
BUT, I think seeing a therapist may be helpful for youin determing why you dont want to form friendships. My guess, based on your writings, is that YOU dont want to be rejected - sounds like the divorse did a number on you. So if you dont approach people and try to form friendships, you cant get rejected. Think about that. Did anyone else leave you in your life? My father left my mom before I was born - so I have similar issues of abandonment and fears of being alone.
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Guest
Yes, I understand the fears of abandonment and also I see the diversion. But, I can't explain the part of having the thoughts that he won't be able to find me here.....That blows me away that these thoughts are consistent when I do try and look for a new home to settle into. Its almost like I think he is looking for me, or will look for me one day......WHAT is that all about.
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Guest
Anyone have any thoughts on why I keep thinking in my mind that if I move he will never find me? This is reocurring and I don't know how to deal with it...He is the farthest thing from my mind, most of the time, why do those thoughts creep up on me when I am not even thinking about him/divorce or anything and want to just move on. Is this just plain weird, or abnormal? I have talked to others and no one has any idea what is happening!
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Guest
Hi, do you think that your desire to relocate is because maybe you are trying to run away from something? My husband an I have talked about relocating for years for better weather. However, I sometimes question myself as to whether another motive for me might be to escape or run away from certain things I am not dealing with.
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Guest
Hi PuttyinGodshands, think of yourself as that putty and let God shape and mold you. I hope you have the program. If not,please get it. Put your full concentration into this program so much that your head is filled night and day with words from Lucinda. When those thoughts come immediately do your relaxation tape. Do your workbook every single day. I'm sure before you get to the obsessing thoughts you will be on your way to getting rid of them. Push yourself to start making friends. Go outside for walks.Hopefully where you live it's not icy. Get sunshine and fresh air every day. I see you just signed up so post on the forums and go to chat. You will make many friends here. Especially look for bry and mello nello in chat, tell them Barb sent you. I will watch for you in chat also. You will get over this and stop obsessing. You WILL move on with your life. How bad do you want it??? Push yourself. You can do this. Keep reading the victory stories here and you will be inspired. Remember your part to WORK the program. It's not easy at times but very rewarding. You go girl!! I will be praying for you.
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Guest
I have the same feelings but for me i think it's just that i want to run away, anywhere to get away from myself sometimes, there are times when i get soooo restless i just feel like changing everything. job, home, husband (really) EVERYTHING, However, I'm learning that it's just the anxiety and am starting to do much better, by the way, the husband stays:)
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Guest
PuttyinGodshands,
Your post really struck a cord for me. In the past, anytime I felt in some way unhappy with or pained by my life, I would think about starting over somewhere else. I had stopped it, but recently found myself doing it again. Rather than fix my condo, I'll find a new one. Rather than making my job work, I'll change careers. As I read your post, I kept wanting to ask you, "why do you want to leave? What's wrong with where you live now?" Which made me think it --like it is for me--not about making this life work, but escaping from it by 'imaging' life elsewhere. The only purpose that thinking served for me, was a reason not to live the life I already had. For fear of being hurt and rejected as CT suggested. When I start having those 'elsewhere' thoughts, it's a big red flag to me that there is something I need to face here.
It sounds to me (and I say this with complete compassion 'cuz I've been there) that it is because you are afraid to face your life as it is that is creating this longing for a life elsewhere. Your obsession about and the 'need' to hope that your ex will find you will go away when you can begain to face and love the life that you already have.
when I realized that I was doing this a few years ago, I made a conscious decision to create for myself the life I wanted and to be happy. It really worked (hard work as it was). And while I've had a [huge] setback, I know I will have it, and deserve to have it, again. And so do you.
The last sentence of your post, I think, is the most important one. It says to me that you really want things to change. Be brave, we are here for you.
Your post really struck a cord for me. In the past, anytime I felt in some way unhappy with or pained by my life, I would think about starting over somewhere else. I had stopped it, but recently found myself doing it again. Rather than fix my condo, I'll find a new one. Rather than making my job work, I'll change careers. As I read your post, I kept wanting to ask you, "why do you want to leave? What's wrong with where you live now?" Which made me think it --like it is for me--not about making this life work, but escaping from it by 'imaging' life elsewhere. The only purpose that thinking served for me, was a reason not to live the life I already had. For fear of being hurt and rejected as CT suggested. When I start having those 'elsewhere' thoughts, it's a big red flag to me that there is something I need to face here.
It sounds to me (and I say this with complete compassion 'cuz I've been there) that it is because you are afraid to face your life as it is that is creating this longing for a life elsewhere. Your obsession about and the 'need' to hope that your ex will find you will go away when you can begain to face and love the life that you already have.
when I realized that I was doing this a few years ago, I made a conscious decision to create for myself the life I wanted and to be happy. It really worked (hard work as it was). And while I've had a [huge] setback, I know I will have it, and deserve to have it, again. And so do you.
The last sentence of your post, I think, is the most important one. It says to me that you really want things to change. Be brave, we are here for you.
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Guest
Putty,
You were married 20yrs, so you basically grew up with this man. He was part of your life. Sometimes from what i understand people can grow apart. Im not sure thats what happened to you and your husband, because of the reason you said he left. But, some spouses cant handle anxiety/depression from another spouse. SAd i know because vows are a committment in sickness or in health.
So youve been divorced 10yrs, and you "allowed" your life to stop at that point.
Many people do! But, moving or changing jobs or citys wont make you happy,,, till you let go of the husband! in your heart and your mind!
Im so sorry this has happened to you! Grieivng comes with divorce just as it does death. But, now is the time for you to begin healing yourself.. Start small with finding some activities you would like to do, join a womens group! Get involved in something where you can feel good about yourself and also helping someone else.
You sound like a very intellegent woman, your just still stuck in the divorce. You have the rest of your life to find contentment within yourself. It wont come from moving, or changing situations. But it will come from YOU from within YOU inside!!
My mother lost my father at the age of 53 in death. She almost went on to long in her grief. But she deicided she was still a young woman and there were things she still wanted to do.. So, she took the bull by the horns as they say,, and WENT for it!!!! You can do the same!!
Let the baggage go, its cluttering up your life! And start OVER!!!! You deserve it!!! Take care Nelly:)
You were married 20yrs, so you basically grew up with this man. He was part of your life. Sometimes from what i understand people can grow apart. Im not sure thats what happened to you and your husband, because of the reason you said he left. But, some spouses cant handle anxiety/depression from another spouse. SAd i know because vows are a committment in sickness or in health.
So youve been divorced 10yrs, and you "allowed" your life to stop at that point.
Many people do! But, moving or changing jobs or citys wont make you happy,,, till you let go of the husband! in your heart and your mind!
Im so sorry this has happened to you! Grieivng comes with divorce just as it does death. But, now is the time for you to begin healing yourself.. Start small with finding some activities you would like to do, join a womens group! Get involved in something where you can feel good about yourself and also helping someone else.
You sound like a very intellegent woman, your just still stuck in the divorce. You have the rest of your life to find contentment within yourself. It wont come from moving, or changing situations. But it will come from YOU from within YOU inside!!
My mother lost my father at the age of 53 in death. She almost went on to long in her grief. But she deicided she was still a young woman and there were things she still wanted to do.. So, she took the bull by the horns as they say,, and WENT for it!!!! You can do the same!!
Let the baggage go, its cluttering up your life! And start OVER!!!! You deserve it!!! Take care Nelly:)
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Guest
The best advice I ever received was to "unpack" my bags physically and emotionally wherever I live. Even if I don't like the new city/friends/church/job/home I decide to fully make myself committed to being real and living in the moment of that area. It's not always easy, as we anxiety prone people do not live in the moment...we live in the past or future, worrying about what-ifs or obsessing about the past. Trust me. You probably live where you belong for now, or you would have been compelled to move sooner. UNPACK YOUR BAGS. And remember, you can always make a decision today, and then guess what? Tomorrow you can make a different decision. NO PROBLEM. Blessings for peace and healing for you.