)and given me no reason to doubt him or not trust him. It's really painful and at the same time frustrating. When will I realize that I am worthy of love and that I am good enough? How long will I have the pain and fears of abandonment? Am I almost there because I know in my mind that these fears are irrational and like I said earlier if the worst were to happen, i would survive, but my heart says ouch, this is too painful, don't get too close. Anyone else out there have any similar situations?Difficult times....
I'm having hard time right now with insecurity in my relationship. To make a long story short, I have been in this relationship for almost eight years. He's a great guy and very supportive, but for some reason I am still struggling with my insecurities. I'm afraid he will leave me for someone else or that he will cheat on me. These have happened in the past, in other relationships. Reading it I know how ridiculous it sounds and that if all of these things happened I would survive. And throughout our relationship he's been honest and open and loyal (no he's not a golden retriever )and given me no reason to doubt him or not trust him. It's really painful and at the same time frustrating. When will I realize that I am worthy of love and that I am good enough? How long will I have the pain and fears of abandonment? Am I almost there because I know in my mind that these fears are irrational and like I said earlier if the worst were to happen, i would survive, but my heart says ouch, this is too painful, don't get too close. Anyone else out there have any similar situations?
)and given me no reason to doubt him or not trust him. It's really painful and at the same time frustrating. When will I realize that I am worthy of love and that I am good enough? How long will I have the pain and fears of abandonment? Am I almost there because I know in my mind that these fears are irrational and like I said earlier if the worst were to happen, i would survive, but my heart says ouch, this is too painful, don't get too close. Anyone else out there have any similar situations?-
Carolyn Dickman
- Posts: 264
- Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 3:00 am
It is completely normal to have these insecurities, especially when you have had issues with it in past relationships. I have been in a relationship for the past 7 years to a wonderful, supportive man. Sometimes I think that he too will leave me, but I try my best not to dwell on them. Sometimes when you put that negativity out there, it has a way of coming back to you in a negative way. You may not want to get too close, but holding yourself back will only push him further away, thus you create your own pain based on fear. Try waking up every morning and begin the day by telling yourself that you are a beautiful person worthy of love and you deserve to be happy in your relationship. When those worrying thoughts creep up on you throughout the day try focusing on how you can better your relationship (even if there is nothing wrong.) There is always room for improvement, always new things to try together, and always room to grow closer. Keep in mind that you must be doing something right to have reached the 8 year mark 
You can be a more positive confident person, it takes work, but as the saying goes..." You have to love yourself before you can love someone else."
You can be a more positive confident person, it takes work, but as the saying goes..." You have to love yourself before you can love someone else."-
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Guest
Jadee is right, you have obviously been doing something right so far. And those insecurities are normal, but you have to keep reminding yourself that they are irrational. Use lots of positive self talk every time you think that. I bet that if a friend were telling you this same story, you would give them good advice. Pretend your worries are the worries of a friend. Write a letter to yourself and pretend you are giving advice to this dear friend, and tell them positive things. I bet it will help give yourself a new perspective on your fears. Try your best to be strong and not let those old boyfriends who hurt you keep victimizing you in your current relationship. The past is the past, and you deserve your current, faithful boyfriend!
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Guest
Hey Aleisa,
In my guy opinion, I would go with the flow and stop worrying about "what if" your boyfriend strays or not.
It sounds to me that you have a good relationship so my advice is to relax and enjoy the present moment.
There are no guarantees in life and no matter what you say or do or worry about, there is no point getting all worked up about something in which you have absolutely no control.
What you do have control over is how you react and relate at the present moment. Your past is gone forever and has absolutely nothing to do with your current relationship. Enjoy the moment and give thanks for your happiness.
Good luck.
In my guy opinion, I would go with the flow and stop worrying about "what if" your boyfriend strays or not.
It sounds to me that you have a good relationship so my advice is to relax and enjoy the present moment.
There are no guarantees in life and no matter what you say or do or worry about, there is no point getting all worked up about something in which you have absolutely no control.
What you do have control over is how you react and relate at the present moment. Your past is gone forever and has absolutely nothing to do with your current relationship. Enjoy the moment and give thanks for your happiness.
Good luck.