Really struggling, any advice?

MissE · Post by **MissE** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 6:20 pm

Hi, I am just starting out in the program and also went through a break up 3 weeks ago and I'm really struggling lately. I was doing great at first, proud of myself that I finally stood up for myself and left this man who didn't treat me with any consideration or respect and I am truly happier without him. Positive self talk helped me soo much. I have let many people walk all over me, especially in romantic relationships. I am very shy and don't have a lot of self confidence, so this was a big step for me to leave the relationship. I am struggling with my anger now and can't seem to let go. I don't want this man back in my life, and while i have so much frustration and anger now, i know that he has a lot of emotional issues himself, he has an anxiety disorder and OCD and is terrified of getting close to someone. But i have gone through these things too, and it doesn't give anyone the right to treat another person like dirt. Basically, I am stuck because I feel like i want to assert myself and tell him what I think of him and how badly he treated me, but honestly i don't want to waste any more time or energy on him. I think he knows how deep down how badly he treated me and that he acted the way he did out of fear. I don't want to be mean, i just want to have respect for myself. I feel like a wimp because i just walked out after the last time that he started screaming and swearing at me, i didn't say anything mean back or tell him not to talk to me like that or it's over. I guess he thought i would be coming back to him, but i haven't and i'm not going to, and he's too much of a coward to apologize now. I don't want him coming back around in a couple months. I'm thinking about this all the time, at work, having trouble sleeping, and i want to move on, i know it's over and i guess he probably does too. I've been trying to get out with friends, visit family, but the anger is so strong right now and i can't seem to stop thinking about this. Any advice anyone has would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 7:05 pm

Hi MissE. I think you're on the right track. Stay on track and don't allow anyone to treat you like crap. You are too important and you deserve so much more than that. You did the right thing by just walking away. You don't have to scream and curse to be assertive and you don't need an explanation as to why he treated you that way. The fact is that he did and that should be all you need to know. But get ready because abusers always come back and apologize and plead for mercy and try to convince you that they will change and that's when you will really have to be sure of what you want.

Remember, <span class="ev_code_RED">YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU !</span> When you let someone walk all over you, you are telling them "it's okay to treat me this way, I'm not worth respect". You are also telling them that you think they are more important than you are. (Which is why you are allowing them to do whatever they want to you.) Which is certainly not true.

IN YOUR LIFE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOST IMPORTANT !

Take care. DeeDee.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Jan 07, 2008 7:38 pm

MissE,
Welcome to our Little Group!
You don't sound like you need much advice! Your words are succinct and well spoken with wisdom!
When I was starting, I benefited greatly from Just Listening and doing the Relaxation CD. Daily, and as often as I could!
Don't worry or hurry, Miss E, and rest assured there's a special session, later - for you to start dealing with anger. It has certainly helped me understand Anger!
I don't think I would assert myself, right yet, MissE. See what changes the program offers You... Deal with those relationship things later. Focus on Yourself - First!!!
Check out the Chat Room, there is Lots of Good Advice There.
Nice to Meet you, MissE... Seadog

New_Nana · Post by **New_Nana** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 1:39 pm

Thank you guys very much for your words of support and wisdom. It is so encouraging just knowing there are others out there who understand. Thanks again for the help:)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:09 pm

hi misse

its ok to feel the anger you do. cause i have the same thing towards a certain person. so its ok. what i do is write down things i feel and talk them over either with a counslor or a doctor or someone you trust. i cant sllep sometimes and i try to go out wit friends and family too but it still haunts me. if writing things down dont help then listen to music.that another thing that helps me.well i will close with this. what hurts you now will only make you stronger in the end and know you have support out there i hope i helped have a nice and wonderful.

scottyv129

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:51 pm

MISE,when i went through the program i had been seperated from my ex and had skin cancer and panac and anxiety and i an now able to go and do things i once could not do..
it time that you made yourself happy and to find peace that you need. in time you will have the skills and tools that you need to go on your journey..take care and know that you can do it.in time that will pass and you can move on
GOD BLESS..
DON