my wifes has given up on me

Darren John · Post by **Darren John** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 6:50 am

hi folks
ive suffered panic attacks/severe anxiety everyday for the last 18years.some days are better but at the moment i`m really struggling.its so hard just to go outside.Im usually a happy person with a smile on my face no matter how i feel.the thing is my wife of five years is starting to give up on me.she says i spoil everything because i cant go anywhere and tonight she really had a go at me saying you`ll never get better and i dont understand and i dont want to understand your silly tapes.i think the world of her but this condition is ruining my marriage.i love her and my kids so much but times running out.i am so sick of this damn condition.we booked into an hotel for my birthday but i cant go because its 20 miles away and i struggle to go to the end of the street.what makes it worse is i`m losing my will to smile anymore.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 7:30 am

Have you given up on you?
Do you and your wife communicate (without judgment) about what you go through and what you are doing about it?
Are you working the program faithfully everyday and using your workbook? Are you doing the exercises?

Ask yourself, Darren, what you are doing to help yourself. All is not lost. Even if your wife is to leave, all is not lost. What you do for yourself to help yourself heal is really all you can think about right now. You need to become your own best friend. I know it sounds cold and perhaps even callous but if you don't start to take care of you and your needs how can you possibly be there for anyone else. Work on yourself. Faithfully work the program. Don't look at where you are or even where you are going. Simply stay focused on the week's lesson. One day at a time.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 8:01 am

Darren,
Please try and understand what Boon is saying, he's absolutly right! I fear being abandoned by my husband all the time, because of my anxiety/Depression/agoraphobia/OCD..the list goes on.... We have an open communication about all that I go through, and there are times that I know he is tired of it! And he isn't shy in telling me,But I continue to talk to him,journal and I try to be consistant with the program. I KNOW that for others to love me, I HAVE TO LOVE MYSELF(not yelling at you

I'm telling myself bodly)Therefore, I MUST plug along with the skills I am attaining! Don't give up! Remember, we cannot change or control others decisions or concepts, we can only change or control OUR own situations. I am a FIRM believer that things happen for a reason and as long as we are doing what we have to do to be happy and content within ourselves, everything else will fall into place.
I hope this helps, and I am praying for your situation! I understand what your going through.
Robin

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 8:28 am

Darren,
You are not alone. My wife has also had a difficult time with my stress and anxiety. She was gettin sick of me always being distant, and anti social when we were in public. It caused several arguments between us. I have since been able to over come my anxiety with the help of the program and the medication I am on. You may want to look into seeing a doc and going on some antidepressants. Even if only for a little while it could make a world of difference and give you the edge you need to help your relationship. Good Luck to you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 8:46 am

thank you for your replies
i am not a quitter and i WILL one day overcome this condition.i have tried hypnotherapy,psychotherapy and cognitive therapy but all to no avail.i would give up ten years of my life just to have ten years freedom from this affliction.i met my wife online and love her to bits but she never seems to be interested in whats happening to me at the moment.i dont want her pity just a reassuring pat on the back every now and again to say i`m doing well.before i had this condition i was never in the house i was always out and about and i could walk for miles.now i cant walk 100 yards alone without having to hold her hand.i`ve completely cut out sugar and have started a fitness regime(in the house) :p so i feel i`m gonna give it 100%

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:39 am

Good for you, Darren. You sound much more positive and motivated. Keep sharing and coming here for support.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 9:44 am

Darren,
I agree with others but would like to say I empathize with you because my husband did give up on me. We're still together but my 'codition' caused alot of difficulties and he acted out with affairs, etc. I would do anything to help anyone so they can divert that long, lonely, hurtful road.

I suffer from chronic depression. I too have done the things you've mentioned. This program has helped me tremendously and I'm working it each and every day. I've made progress but know there's more road ahead. Please consider this website with a series of questions and exercises to help....http://drbenkim.com. He has an article 'Mind-Body Exercises to Help you Transcend Chronic Depression'.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:39 am

Hi darren.

I understand what you are going through. I was in your situation too. My boyfriend use to get frustrated if I even LOOKED like I was not feeling well. He complaind that we couldn't go anywhere anymore and that I wasn't FUN anymore. After a whole lot of this I threatened to leave HIM. Shortly he realized what he would be missing and snapped out of it. I'm not telling you to leave your wife but I knew that if we broke up "It wouldn't be the end of the world". God will never give you more than you can bear, He will never leave us alone, and when one door closes he'll open another. If your wife does leave, God will send someone better for you.

Work on the program and you might start to feel better before she decides to leave, but do it for yourself. You have to take care of yourself now and if she loves you enough she'll be there to see you overcome this.

Take care Darren.
DeeDee.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 8:24 am

thank you all for the advice its a great comfort knowing there are people who do understand
i have had a talk with my wife and have told her i know that she doesn`t understand my condition so for our marriage`s sake i am going to go through this anxiety course alone.we met 8 years ago and she was my first ever proper girlfriend so i have never known any other woman so maybe i`m frightened to lose her thinking i might never find love again.so i am going to stick at this course and hopefully one day i might get my life back and who knows what the future holds

Mom of 6 · Post by **Mom of 6** » Thu Jan 10, 2008 9:58 am

Hi, Darren John,

What lesson are you working on with the program?

With regards to going out and having panic attacks, I have to say, once I got over that fear of the feelings of panic things began to getting better. I had to stop fearing the feelings. They couldn't hurt me.I carried my cards around with me all the time and read them constantly. Are you journalings? That is such a helpful tool if you are asking yourself what is bothering me? I write the problem(s) then begin to postive the statement. Yes, sometimes it took awhile, but I felt so much better afterwards.

You can do this! Peace to you on this day.