Stress Center Peer Support

I think I made a big mistake going back to work this soon. Although, I really wanted my old job back, I'm scared to drive every morning. I'm scared of the bridge I have to cross. I'm scared of having to walk as far as I do from the time clock to my office. I feel like I'm going to have to go to the bathroom everytime I leave the house and when I'm walking through the plant. I'm scared I'll have to go to the bathroom when I finally do make it to my office. The only problem with that is, we have to share a bathroom with a bunch of other woman and have a key to get in.

I'm on session 2, but everytime I even think about listening to the CD's, I get anxious. I've seen and read so many successes and I know it will work for me, but I think I might have to give this a little more time before I jump off into yet another job and let everyone down including myself. I didn't sleep very well last night, I can't breath this morning. I've tried doing my breathing excersises. I feel guilty about letting everyone down. I haven't laughed or smiled in days. I can't think straight. My mind just waunders (and mostly to having to do go to this job). I've already called in to let them know I'll be late and that can't continue. They'll let me go for being late or not even being able to show up for work. They need somewhere they can depend on and right now I don't think I'm that person.

My husband is trying to be as supportive as he knows how (which is not very good). I know some of you have heard, "Just do it, nothing will happen" or "Why do you feel this way?". I can't answer some of the questions he asks and I blow up at him everytime he trys to tell me "I'm not doing this or that". I've shut myself down. I haven't done anything with him or my friends or family in a while.

I know I could go on forever. The bottom line is that I don't think I can continue to do this job trying to get over my anxiety. I've put too much stress on myself. I wish there was an easy fix to feeling better, but I know it's going to take time. I hate letting everyone down and feel guilty about letting my anxiety ruin another job.

Hopeless,
Debra

Hi Debra,

I'm sorry you are having such trouble. I know the feeling with anxiety and work. There are some many obstacles, the bathroom, the drive, the bridge, the time clock, its so overwhelming. It puts you between a rock and a hard place. You want to be strong and go to work but at the same time all of these overwhelming feeling makes it impossible to concentrate on anything else. You need to do what's best for you. When you get more into the program you will see a lot of "I will do it when I'm ready" or "when my anxiety goes away I'll do it". Unfortunately we know that if we don't face our fears they will never go away. You need to ask yourself what is bothering you about work? If you can take some more time off from work try doing baby steps until you feel better. Try associating positive things with work, do you have nice co-workers, doesn't work help distract you from your anxieties, doesn't it feel good to make it through the day? Good luck and you will make it through this.

Well, I finally broke down and asked my boss if I could change my schedule. I was working 9 80's which meant every other Friday off. But that wasn't working for me because I couldn't get to work on time. Also, I don't do much on the weekends but sit in the house. That makes it difficult for me to go to work on Monday's. So having that Friday off is not good for someone like me. I don't do very well in the mornings and I seem to have to stop to use the restroom every morning which puts me in late. I've only been here about 2 weeks and I've been late 3 times (which isn't good). Now, I work 5 eights. I don't have to be here until 7:00 instead of 6:30. Now I just have the routine of getting up at the same time and leaving around the same time so that gives me plenty of time to stop if I need to and get to work on time. It was raining this morning so I was a little nervous. I did have to stop and go to the bathroom. Then there was a train, but I sat out in the parking lot and waited for it to pass. I still felt anxious, but kept trying to think positive about being here because once I'm inside this gate and at my desk, I feel home again. I don't have any issues with anyone I work with which is rare (at least if I do, I don't know about it and don't want to know about it). I also have a friend at work that calls me to let me know if anything is wrong on the freeway which he did this morning because it's raining and parts of the freeway flood. It was okay when I came through, but I was grateful for him calling me. I have it really good here and would like to continue to work here.

Thank you GI822 for all your kind words. I did think about all the good I have here. Like I said, good co-workers and lots of work to keep me busy.

I'll be moving on to session 3 soon. I've been stuck on session 2 for a while. The exercise is the only issue I have right now. I was walking on my treadmill, but we can't put it inside because of our floors and it is so hot especially in the garage. What Lucinda says about excersing is make it enjoyable so you want to excersise. Well, I'm not enjoying it. So after work, I'm going to a gym right down the street from where I live to see what they have to offer. I would love to take Yoga again. I know in the past it has really helped me to relax. I always felt really good and relaxed when I walked out of there.

Thank you again to everyone to take the time to help me through all of this. I think I'll be okay now and ready to help others on there road to recovery (which I haven't been able to do lately because of my negativity).

Thinking positive always,
Debra