Knowing whether to end a relationship

Abbey3680 · Post by **Abbey3680** » Fri Oct 10, 2008 7:09 am

I am now on session 10 in the program. I have been with my partner for 8yrs. The last 2yrs have been shaky. We both love each other, but I am not sure if the relationship is for the right reason. My partner is my safe person. I am very dependent on my partner. My partner is a very independent person, which kinda causes some friction at times. My partner travels alot, and has been travelling for the last two years. I told my partner that I do not want to be in a relationship with someone who travels. I want my significant other with me. Part of me feels that I don't want to be in the relationship because my partner travels and that is a problem for me because I don't like being alone. On the other hand, even if I was ok with being alone, I still think that I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who travels as much as my partner. There are other issues in our relationship, that I feel could be worked out. I really am not sure whether I am jumping the gun by ending the relationship. How do you know if it is the right or wrong thing to do? I thought that I was further along in the program to know by now, but I still don't. Any advice?

susie wrenn · Post by **susie wrenn** » Fri Oct 10, 2008 7:53 am

I just ended a relatioship(a love affair!)after 2 yrs so I could relocate to New Orleans. I adore him but he has difficulty with his money & still doesn't know what to do to earn a good living. I have always struggled with money and being with him helped to realize that I REALLY NEEDED A PARTNER who had money & stability. What does this have to do with you? More will be revealed. I am in week one of the program. I'll bet you are thinking you should know all!!! Guess not.maybe its not time to end the relationship but you are aware of what is not satisfying to you. They say when you don't know what do do don't do anything...

INDTom · Post by **INDTom** » Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:14 am

I just had a 2 years relationship end for me. After 2 years, I still was not too sure this woman was the one for me. I had been divorced. Lately, the relation was going well. She went from divorced to dating me and now fees she needs to get out and meet new people. Even though I always felt she might not be the one, I feel miserible that she has broken the relationship off. Possibly I should have ended this earlier and it would hurt as much. I has been 1 month, but we have talked and I was out of town for 2 weeks. She has had a date and appears to have moved on. I need to somehow be able to move, but I now feel she was the one. How do you get over the hurt?

seawolf · Post by **seawolf** » Fri Oct 10, 2008 8:19 am

this note is for tom seeing how i was in the same shoes for a bit... tom stay close to friends...family... call them- go out with them try to keep yourself busy have NO contact or very little at best with ex and give yourself time it will get easier... hang in there

INDTom · Post by **INDTom** » Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:09 am

Seawolf--Thanks for the advice

Ramon'sQueen · Post by **Ramon'sQueen** » Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:32 am

I know exactly what you mean Abbey3680 because my boyfriend has a job where he has to travel. But for the next two years I won't have to worry because they changed his contract for the time being so the travelling changed, but in the future I don't know. I'm scared to be with someone who travels too, even though my boyfriend probably won't travel as much as it sounds like yours does. But that comes with the anxiety to even though I never wanted to be someone who travelled. But my boyfriend is supportive and is going to help me no matter what it takes. If he has to travel he'll work things out so I can go with whenever possible if I want and everything. Other than that I don't know what else to say other than I'm kinda in the same boat, or could be.

Originally posted by Abbey3680:
I am now on session 10 in the program. I have been with my partner for 8yrs. The last 2yrs have been shaky. We both love each other, but I am not sure if the relationship is for the right reason. My partner is my safe person. I am very dependent on my partner. My partner is a very independent person, which kinda causes some friction at times. My partner travels alot, and has been travelling for the last two years. I told my partner that I do not want to be in a relationship with someone who travels. I want my significant other with me. Part of me feels that I don't want to be in the relationship because my partner travels and that is a problem for me because I don't like being alone. On the other hand, even if I was ok with being alone, I still think that I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who travels as much as my partner. There are other issues in our relationship, that I feel could be worked out. I really am not sure whether I am jumping the gun by ending the relationship. How do you know if it is the right or wrong thing to do? I thought that I was further along in the program to know by now, but I still don't. Any advice?

Debbie A. D. · Post by **Debbie A. D.** » Fri Oct 10, 2008 9:37 am

Good Afternoon Abbey, I was in a relationship for 7 years........sold my house, me and my 13 yr. old daughter moved in with him and after 2 years of living together and having practically everyone of his family memebers living with us at one time or another.....his house was like a revolving door. My daughter and I had to move out. I was very dependent on him (i'm very much co-dependent). It has been a year this month and it has taken me every day to build my self-esteem up and get back to a some what normal life. I am in session 5 of the program and I feel so much better about myself. It doesn't matter how far in the program you are..........it just takes time, friends, family and more importantly GOD. You also have all of us here online. I sure don't have the answers for you. I am here if you ever want to chat. My email address is debbiednkeller@yahoo.com. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Bye for now, debbie

Abbey3680 · Post by **Abbey3680** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 1:55 am

Hi Susie,

I have been really thinking about my relationship and I've decided to end it. We are no longer in a relationship. The hard part now is that we are still under the same roof. I'm sure that I did the right thing. I just have to give myself some time to get over the relationship. Thank you for your response.

Originally posted by susie wrenn:
I just ended a relatioship(a love affair!)after 2 yrs so I could relocate to New Orleans. I adore him but he has difficulty with his money & still doesn't know what to do to earn a good living. I have always struggled with money and being with him helped to realize that I REALLY NEEDED A PARTNER who had money & stability. What does this have to do with you? More will be revealed. I am in week one of the program. I'll bet you are thinking you should know all!!! Guess not.maybe its not time to end the relationship but you are aware of what is not satisfying to you. They say when you don't know what do do don't do anything...

Abbey3680 · Post by **Abbey3680** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 2:02 am

I'm dealing with the hurt from a 8yr relationship. My advice to you is to take things one day at a time. If you feel that she is the one for you, if it is meant for you two to be together, she will come back to you. I say for the time being, focus on yourself and getting back to where you want to be in life.

Originally posted by INDTom:
I just had a 2 years relationship end for me. After 2 years, I still was not too sure this woman was the one for me. I had been divorced. Lately, the relation was going well. She went from divorced to dating me and now fees she needs to get out and meet new people. Even though I always felt she might not be the one, I feel miserible that she has broken the relationship off. Possibly I should have ended this earlier and it would hurt as much. I has been 1 month, but we have talked and I was out of town for 2 weeks. She has had a date and appears to have moved on. I need to somehow be able to move, but I now feel she was the one. How do you get over the hurt?

Abbey3680 · Post by **Abbey3680** » Mon Oct 13, 2008 2:07 am

I decided to end our relationship. I came to the conclusion that we are on two different pages in our life. Do you have a problem with being alone? or do you just dislike the idea of being with someone who travels? Both are true for me. I wish you the best with your relationship.

Originally posted by Ramon'sQueen:
I know exactly what you mean Abbey3680 because my boyfriend has a job where he has to travel. But for the next two years I won't have to worry because they changed his contract for the time being so the travelling changed, but in the future I don't know. I'm scared to be with someone who travels too, even though my boyfriend probably won't travel as much as it sounds like yours does. But that comes with the anxiety to even though I never wanted to be someone who travelled. But my boyfriend is supportive and is going to help me no matter what it takes. If he has to travel he'll work things out so I can go with whenever possible if I want and everything. Other than that I don't know what else to say other than I'm kinda in the same boat, or could be.
Originally posted by Abbey3680:
I am now on session 10 in the program. I have been with my partner for 8yrs. The last 2yrs have been shaky. We both love each other, but I am not sure if the relationship is for the right reason. My partner is my safe person. I am very dependent on my partner. My partner is a very independent person, which kinda causes some friction at times. My partner travels alot, and has been travelling for the last two years. I told my partner that I do not want to be in a relationship with someone who travels. I want my significant other with me. Part of me feels that I don't want to be in the relationship because my partner travels and that is a problem for me because I don't like being alone. On the other hand, even if I was ok with being alone, I still think that I wouldn't want to be involved with someone who travels as much as my partner. There are other issues in our relationship, that I feel could be worked out. I really am not sure whether I am jumping the gun by ending the relationship. How do you know if it is the right or wrong thing to do? I thought that I was further along in the program to know by now, but I still don't. Any advice?