Stress Center Peer Support

I would have married years ago, but because of my problems with anxiety I didn't. It is such a big change and I big time "what-if" it. My biggest fears are that things between us will change and that I will feel trapped. I love him, but find I question whether I even know what love is. The thought of marriage over the years has been a constant source of anxiety. We have lived together for 9 years and have a daughter together and I am blessed with a wonderful thoughtful guy. He has gone above and beyond for me especially during my agoraphobia. I trust him totaly and can't imagine my life without him. I finally told him I was ready and didn't want to wait because of anticipatory anxiety. I have felt very good about my decision, no anxiety, but then today when we went to apply for the license, I about lost it. I became panicy, and actually thought I would pass out. If I felt that way just doing that, how can I make it through the vows? I don't think I am really scared of the marriage itself, I think it is just the thought of having to stand before the pastor and say the vows. I am afraid that I will panic or faint. I have been through the program and am doing ALOT better. I can leave the house and shop now but I am having a HARD time with this. I hope someone can give me some advice. Thanks for reading this.

Today in my Guidance class we were going over life stressors. Even though marriage is a positive thing it is pretty high up on the stressor list. I'm getting married soon and the thought of it, even though we're doing a small courthouse ceremony, can be overwhelming. It's a big thing! It's okay to be stressed by marriage. Maybe try to look at it as excitement?

Hey Deener, I too am getting married soon. I went to go try on dresses about two weeks ago. I was soo excited before we got there, but as my mom and I were driving up to the bridal shop, I told her I was scared! I felt so afraid, and I had those same thoughts as you did. If I feel like this just trying on the dress, how am I gonna feel that day in front of all those ppl!!! I told my mom I just know I'm gonna have a panic attack on my wedding day. My mom told me that I was gonna be alright. I got through trying dresses on just fine. I call it happy anxious feelings! We will do just fine on that special day! Sooo excitied!!!

i keep telling myself if i ever get married it will be in front of elvis or something in las vegas to make myself not as edgey. thinking about doing in a hot church will make matters just worse, plus like you said the anticipation, it would drive me insane thinking about it every day. Good luck

Ok so you have been together with the guy for 9 years, have a daughter, you trust him totally and cannot imagine your life without him.

You said that you aren't really scared of the marriage itself but of saying the vows before the pastor. What gives you the impression that you cannot do it? List out everything that you can think of.


Mike

Thanks for all of the advice guys. I guess my biggest fear is fear. I am afraid I will faint because I have seen people do it. Just because it is something that is stressful I automatically think I will be very anxious and panic. I just wished that I could just sign a piece of paper and be done with it. Whether I faint or panic I will still get married, I will still continue through it. So the ending will be the same. I just DO NOT want to embarras myself. Again thanks for the advice and sympathy. Ninja I will do what you said to do. I know it will help.

Deener

You said you were afraid of fainting because you've seen others do it and you are afraid of fainting or panicing and embarassing yourself.

Ask yourself what gives you the impression that you specifically would faint. How many times have you fainted in the past? This will get your mind to look at the facts in order to overcome that fear. You can ask yourself what gives you the impression that you would panic as well.

If it helps you can also make 2 columns and list one side as the But Column and the other as the counter. So in the but column you could say...but I might faint and in the counter you could say, this may be a possibility but how often have i fainted and how likely is this possibility? After this you may come up with some other But and so you just continue...You can look at the other cognitive techniques thread that I made if you need an example.


I hope that helps.

Mike