Stress Center Peer Support

i would like to know you genreal thougths on porn. i hate the stuff personally but my husband thinks it's fine. i would just like to know how some of you feel about it and how some of you feel/deal with it if your in my shoes.

Hi Jessica,

I am not sure what you are asking? in general- I am fine with it, to each his own.. if you and your hubby disagree wherein he is watching and you hate it- think about it this way- you only live once, would you want your hubby to die knowing you never let him to do the things he wanted b.c. of you? I dont think so.. as long as it isnt a problem, I would let it go. Do you think it is an insecurity problem for you? just a thought!

Good luck!

Jessica,

If he's ADDICTED to it and/or if it is affecting your marraige relationship then it is most definately a BAD thing! It is probably something you should sit down and discuss with him at a CALM moment. Some men get very desinsitized by watching porn movies/internet/magazines and it can really affect their relationship with their wives. It's not a realistic world either and so in turn the wives may feel (or the husbands may EXPECT) that they need to be like that or to "compete" so to speak...and you can't compete with airbrushed fantasy. It's impossible...none of us can. Also, if you find yourself agreeing to "behave" in any manner that makes you uncomfortable but that your husband is inclined towards because of something he's seen in porn, then there is a whole respect issue that needs to be dealt with as well.

My father had a HUGE magazine porn collection when I was growing up, and speaking from experience...it can really screw up your mind...the person who uses it, the unanticipated users (other people like kids who happen to see it and don't quite "get it" yet), and the family or partners of the users.

Just my two cents...hope it helps!

Best,
Dawn

Hi Jessica: I just wanted to comment that upon re-reading this thread I dont want to come off insensitive.. there wasnt enough info to respond to but I think Dawn did it perfectly! ditto to what she said! perfectly done Dawn!

Hey Maeggie -

Thanks - I read into things sometimes! LOL Sometimes too much! That's why these boards are so great - we all need a variety of viewpoints to help us see things clearer!

I hope you both have a wonderful evening!

Blessings,
Dawn

I have seen to many studies done on people that watch porn. I have heard a study that people are more likely to become abbusive and alot of child malesters watch and are addicted to porn which is what I have recently studied on. I am NOT saying that your husband will do these things or that he is in this category at all but I also have seen people that I know personally to have watched porn and cheated on their spouses because they want what they are watching. I am NOT saying that is your husband neither these are just studies that I have either watched on tv or read in magazines or read about on the computer throughout some sites. I disagree with watching it because of the things that they have in their mind afterwads. I beleive that when a person is wanting to spice things up then they shouldn't use things like porn to do it. They should talk things out with their spouse and work on their fantasies with them. Watching something like porn can become an addiction like Prv31mom said and that can cause problems in the marraige it just depends on what your exact situation is. I am not trying to make you mad or to cause you or your husband problems but maybe if he knew some of the studies done then he might have a different view of watching it. I hope this helps and doesn't make you mad at all. Blessings to you!

Jennifier

Hi Jessica
You didn't really elaborate on the "problem" other than you personally hate porn. There are plenty of things my husband likes (every sport imaginable, for example) that I personally dislike. In regards to porn, I would have a problem with it if my husband used it to substitute being intimate with me. But I would have a problem with anything (sports, gambling, drinking, staying out late with the guys...) if it brought problems into our marriage. If this is the case in your marriage, then you have some issues to bring up with your husband regarding porn. In addition, it's one thing for him to view porn once in a blue moon. It's another if that's all he looks at and ESPECIALLY if he's unable to feel aroused with only you. This might be a sign of porn addiction. I hope you figure things out. Good luck to you!

Celeste

Go to WebMD.com they actually have an article on that very subject by Dr. Ruth. Basicly she says "it depends"
As for studies I would caution everyone with studies on an issue like this with a saying my father often said "Figures don't lie, but Liars sure can figure" meaning they can be manipulated to say just about anything you want it to say if you aren't careful about it.
My personal opinion is that if both are comfortable with it and no under 18 yr olds are depicted or involved and no violence. And it is kept private (lock up your collection so no kids can find it and assume they will look) then it is okay. It only degrads women when it shows or depicts them being degraged. If one partner is offended then the other should respect they're wishes and drop it.

I don't think that porn in moderation should be an issue in any love relationship. Both my boyfriend and I watch it from time to time. I agree that if your husband is locked in the home office four hours a day with this porn, that is an issue. And, yes, let's keep it hidden from small children.

Otherwise, porn is just a way we engage with our fantasies and shouldn't be discouraged. America has a very prudish culture. We get terribly mixed signals from being told that porn and sex are bad or weird and then having prime time television revolve around sex, and clothing ads dominated by sexual poses.

Also, while it is true that sexual predators are often voracious readers of porn, they make up a small percentage of porn users. Most are perfectly well-adjusted adults who happen to enjoy it.

I don't like the 'hard core' stuff I think it's
disgusting- but a lot of men do think it's ok.

As long as it's not interfering with your relationship and he is not actually 'meeting these
women' -there's nothing wrong with fantasizing.

Only thing -a friend of mine snooped on her husbands' laptop and found a lot of 'searches'
and websites that pop up automatically that she
didn't like. For example she found searches for
'setting up meetings to meet these women' and
other sites with chats/meetings which is NOT acceptable in my opinion.