Looking for some advice

Ivyheart <>< · Post by **Ivyheart <><** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 10:25 am

To everyone,

Thank you very much for confirming that it was in poor taste for this couple to simply take over the party without speaking to me before making the decision.

I feel confident that my friend is not trying to hurt my feelings to 'take control', she is just trying to make sure we can all be together and prevent more arguements over who will be the DD.

I think I will tell her that my feelings were hurt when they choose to exclude me from the decision making process about what would be best for everyone. I will make sure to use "I" phrases and to end on a positive.

Also, Lisa, I love your idea of telling her I'm definitely "signed up" for hosting the next party.

Earsie...that is too weird. I hope you have a very sucessful New Year's party. My fiance and I were going to make it a Las Vegas themed party with a murder mystery to solve. We were going to give every chips to gamble with and they could win clues by winning the games. Were even going to give out door prizes and a copy of the movie "Clue" for whomever guessed the murderer. Oh well...next time, right?

Thanks again for all the advice. Just being able to vent to people who are so understanding today has helped me to let go of the resentment I was still feeling from last night.

I'll let you all know what we end up doing and how it goes.

Happy New Year!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Dec 30, 2008 10:29 am

Oh Earsie, I do not take any anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds.

Interesting to note. I was very depressed for several years in high school (runs in my family). On my 18th birthday I had a seizure and haven't been depressed since. Two reasons I think...1. I was on an anti-convulsant that also is sometimes used as an anti-depressant. 2. I think the seizure acted as a natural electro-shock therapy which is used for depression in extreme cases.

Fortunately depression hasn't been a problem for me since then...but I do still struggle with maintaining a 'normal' anxiety level.

So, when are you starting back on the program?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 4:35 am

Thanks again everyone! Sometimes these things solve themselves...my friend sent me an email yesterday telling me how she hopes she didn't hurt my feelings by 'taking' the party. She also said how greatful she was that we (my fiance and I) were willing to listen to everyone concerns and make changes so last minute. I told her that my feelings had been hurt, but that it meant a great deal to me that she would acknowledge it. All those bad feelings just washed away and I'm really looking forward to helping her with the party tonight because I know she'll be there to help me when my turn comes around again.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 01, 2009 5:51 am

How did the party go? How are you feeling about it all today?

Linda

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 02, 2009 11:41 am

I actually feel like a bit of a heel. After all of this, my fiance and I decided not to go. I was up for it, but it wasn't because I wanted to go...it was because I didn't want the others to think I was mad or being a baby.

I have a lot to reflect on...

I would have attended the party even though I didn't want to had it not been for my fiance. I still obviously care more about what other people want than what I want.

Also, I made my fiance call our friends to cancel, rationalizing that HE should call since HE was the one who didn't want to go. If I would have been honest with myself, it was because I felt like I owed them an explanation. Saying, "we just feel like staying in" just wasn't good enough.

Apparently, I am still a work in progress

How was everyone's New Year's Eve & New Year's Day? Like I said, we stayed at home..had a wondeful evening. My fiance made a delicious dinner, I made punch and we watched When Harry Met Sally (and Joe Dirt...to keep things even).

DMP720 · Post by **DMP720** » Sat Jan 03, 2009 10:39 am

It sounds like you had a fine time at home together, and you did what you and your fiance really wanted to do. No doubt the others may think you were "mad or being a baby", but like you say, we need to learn not to care more about what other people want than what we want. I'm wondering if you'd still had the party at your house, and someone canceled on you at the last minute, would you have been okay with that?

Happy New Year to you both!
Linda

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Jan 06, 2009 5:46 am

Linda,

Happy New Year to you and yours too!

We did have a nice time together and while we were missed at the party, no one seems to be upset in any way. All that worry for nothing! Par for the course, I guess.

I'm doing very well this New Year. I hope everyone else is also. I am back to the program from my little break for the holidays and I'm feeling well. Treating myself more gently, like I would to a dear friend, has made a tremendous difference in my life.

Thank you for all your support, advice and kind words.