Anxiety returns, again.

[cj20520]

The past few days have been so stressful and i created every bit of it. We had a new manager start at our store on Monday and all weekend i just kept thinking about it. My stomach was a wreck. I did my relaxation and worked on my program, did some reading and finally gave up and took 1/2 a xanax. I feel like i am going backwards. I know there will be times i am challenged, but when i have to resort to xanax i feel defeated. Anyone feel like this?

[Paisleegreen]

How are you doing now?

[cj20520]

Paisley:
Things are better, the new manager is quite nice and allows us a lot of leeway. I really need to figure out how to slow down. I have always related my value to the amount of things i can do for others. This stems from my childhood. It was the only way to keep my mom from going off on us kids. I just kept cleaning and cooking and taking care of the younger kids. Anyway, i find myself doing that at work and home. I start a project and feel i should be done more quickly and on to another. I am great at what i do, so the part where i need to hurry and get more done is crazy. I know that slowing down will help a lot with the anxiety. I finally got my stomach under control again, so that also makes everything better.

Gonna stay in an watch the snow today, read some and work on the homework. Thanks for asking!
cj

[Paisleegreen]

Wow, CJ--I've been wanting to succumb to Xanax and maybe I should on some of my days, because last night I did not sleep well, ruminated, and wept. I could feel anxiety symptoms rumbling in my gut system, not bad enough for a panic attack, but enough that I had a scary dream and anxious feelings. I stayed in bed all day today. But now DH and DS are off to work or whatever and I feel "free" so here I am. My DD came in, but ignored me and she is not in a good mood, I think when Dh was talking to me on my cell phone, she called him and he had to end his call.

She was complaining to him about her computer not working and she needed it to work, and on and on. Not that DH can fix it, it is my Geek son that needs to help her. But her anxiety and frustration affects the people that can help her. So I didn't engage as she left the house. I'm glad you are doing better. I understand the stress you put yourself under, because in my Dad's later years he was the greatest stressor in my life and my husband's. I was always on guard for when he might call our house or come over unannounced just to harp on my husband. It was very difficult to care for him when he had cancer and I was at his house 24 hours a day.

I was always anticipating some remark or criticism. He later told my brothers he was grateful for the kindness and care I and my family showed him during his illness just before he died. it is too bad he couldn't have done it while he was still with me.
So I totally understand how you can keep pushing yourself and giving yourself negative self-talk. Paislee

[Pablo 123]

I often feel like it's two steps forward and three back. I find myself making the same old mistakes again, and again. My problem is my anger. And whats worse, is that then I get angry at myself for getting angry, because I know better now. I feel like I'm not working my program. I think I'll start all over again and re read the book. Redo the questions and listen to my relaxation tape. I admit, I'm not doing that enough. Does anybody else feel the same ? I feel like an alcoholic that has "slipped" and or not going to meetings when he/she knows fully well what result will be. Will I ever get better ? Frustrated in Texas.

[Paisleegreen]

Pablo, you will get better. Lucinda says on her CDs that there will always be setbacks because we are ever learning and growing. Our situations are always changing. So don't be too hard on yourself. Paislee

[cj20520]

Paisleegreen
I swear you are as good as a Xanax for me. The way you relate is so calming. When I started the program I thought the Xanax would help me sleep, but it only calmed me down enough for a nap. Then I would be awake again and frustrated. One night I was browsing the Internet for help and found a blog that was talking about not sleeping and he said that Dramamine worked well for him. I tried it the next night and slept really well. Have not used it since but it was one good night.

It's weird that other peoples stresses and concerns used to be my distraction, but now I feel like it's a pile on for me. I have a lot of work left to do. I had hoped I would be in a better place by the time I got to the end of the program, but in all honesty, I don't think I put my everything into it. I did the tapes and reading, but I never really got into the notebook and journaling. I don't have a job that I can keep a notebook handy, so writing the negative thoughts has been hard. I especially have to work on expectations. What I think others expect of me and is it what I want. I feel like I have disappointed my family on so many occasions that when something comes up I figure I owe them and so I just go along. Usually I am so anxious that I don't enjoy myself, and wonder if I am really helping anything.
Cj

[Paisleegreen]

Hi CJ, I'm was up early this morning, so I'm going to come back and write to you. You are going to make it, I know that. Remember, Lucinda says that we will always have to keep working on things. I was just listening to her CD yesterday and had a lightbulb moment when something clicked and I had heard this CD over and over. But after a time away from it and hearing it again, something she said made sense! So we are always learning. Paislee

[Geraldk]

I had a set back. My friends sister passed from a stroke and a heart attack. She was only 34. I am a catastrophizer and a anticipatory thinker. I have been what if thinking about having a heart attack for the last two day. This is the root of my anxiety. I can't seem to change my thinking. I have tried all of the realaxation methods to no avail. Can some one help me with this. I am at my wits end.

[DJ2661]

I also has a terrible time with worry when something happens to someone I know or hear things on TV. I am working on trying to not let things affect me but dont alway succeed. I found that when I am having a really bad moment it helps to use the suggestions I read in one of the lessens to have a picture or just look outside and start really noticing the things around me in very exact detail like count the number or color of something or the sounds you here. It helps get you back to the present because if you are busy studing what is around you or in the pictures your brain cant worry.