I messed up today!

KKross · Post by **KKross** » Sun Dec 12, 2010 9:39 am

I really messed up today. I was supposed to see a movie with some friends from church. I woke up this morning and felt really tired. Also, it was rainy and dreary outside today. I ended up falling asleep and work up to late to meet them. I called one of them on his cell and told him the truth. He seemed mad and just said, "Well then we won;t keep waiting for you." I feel really guilty and lousy about it. The movie theater is too far away for me to get there before the movie would have ended. I called my brother and he told me I was very irresponsible, which made me feel worse. The irony is that I'm the one who initiated this. I'm trying to have more of a social life, because I feel like all I do is work. I asked people if they wanted to see this movie today, and I'm the one who ended up not showing. All these neagtive thouh=ghts are going through my mind: they all hate me now, I'll never get invited anywhere again, etc. I'm going to try and replace these thoughts with more positive ones.

Paisleegreen · Post by **Paisleegreen** » Mon Dec 13, 2010 11:38 am

HI KKross-Hey, you tried and made an effort. This is just the beginning, it will get better as you work on improvements and not thinking negative thoughts.

Paislee

0124vtd · Post by **0124vtd** » Mon Dec 13, 2010 12:47 pm

Don't beat yourself up over this. Things come up and happen that prevent people from being able to make it places and to do things. This is what happened to you here. There is nothing you can do to change it. You were honest with the other parties involved and that is all you can do. Beating yourself up will not change what happened. As far as other people saying that you are irresponsible they may not understand that you are tired because you work all the time. Keep your chin up and you will be doing fine in no time.

nerveball · Post by **nerveball** » Mon Dec 13, 2010 1:43 pm

I can relate to KKross cause I do stuff like that sometimes in my effort to try to be sociable, and when I mess up I beat myself up just like that. I think the problem might be that I try so hard to do it right and perfectly, whatever that is, that I over do it and strech myself further then I can reach and the plan backfires. In your instance its like I feel that I have to go to the movies on exactly this date and time or I blew it for good. I don't take into consideration that something could come up at the last minute like having to work late, and that date and time just won't work for me anymore. Instead of calling the people and telling them that I can't make it [ahead of time] I try my best all the way to the last minute and then mess up. Then I'm mad at myself and beat myself up. The other people are mad too, which makes me feel worse. After listening to the session I found out that some shoulds of mine were working in this senario. I felt like if I want friends then I should do "this" exacly like I said or I won't have friends. Who says. If they want to be my friend and I miss a date then they'll just see me on the next go round. Nothing is set in stone. Stuff happens. People get over stuff. I just don't. But I'm working on iot now, cause I can see it now. I don't know if this makes any sense to you but my point is don't over generalize, don't catastrophize don't do all or nothing thinking and so on. It takes time but knowing that so many other people are working on these issues and being successful helps me to know that I will be ok. You'll have friends. You've got some already. And the best one is you. Treat her right. By the way, don't think of it as a mess up but as a lesson learned.

KKross · Post by **KKross** » Mon Dec 13, 2010 2:38 pm

Hey, thanks everyone for taking the time to send encouraging words. They really help a lot.
You're all great!

Nerveball, I totally understand what you're saying. You are right about "overreaching." I think we have to be realistic about giving ourselves some leeway when making plans ahead of time.

Grandpa Doggie · Post by **Grandpa Doggie** » Mon Dec 20, 2010 2:47 pm

KKross...I agree with some of your supporters and certainly agree with don't beat yourself up over the past, it's the past and you can't change it, maybe you can change the present and have a more positive effect on the future. Next time try one of two things 1. call the 1st
time you wake up and feel you're too tired to meet your obligation or 2. set an alarm to wake you up the 2nd time if you truly want to be somewhere. Only you know if you truly could've or wanted to go to the movie. Try to do what's right the first time and you won't have to beat yourself up!

Merry CHRISTmas, Grandpa Doggie