Car Accident - Driver Guilt

[Lena Lenore]

This past Monday, March 14, I was involved in a car accident: I was one of the drivers, my car was totalled, and one of my college roommates had to be air-lifted to a hospital and receive surgery on her leg (broken).

Aside from the guilt in being the driver and coming out of the incident virtually unscathed (few bruises, cuts, and aches), I feel so bad that the roommate injured was an international student, who I pretty much ruined the say in the U.S. Also, I can hardly get my facts straight about the incident - certain that I told my insurence something wrong in the report. I don't even know who side-swiped me b/c the officers who were interviewing the other driver would not let me talk to them. All I can think is why didn't you do this or say that? And why should I walk off the scene unhurt? I deserve to feel pain and I deserve to feel this guilt. And I'm such an oblivious person to not have been more observant at the scene of the incident - to not know what kind of car the other person was driving - to not have spoken to the other driver - to not even be able to give the insurance carriers my roommates' full names without asking them.

Worse, I'm in the middle of mid-terms and not able to concentrate. I feel so numb going through the things I have to do: I make decisions (with some rational thinking) but in the end I just don't care what becomes of those decisions. I'm just numb to everything. I eat, but don't care what I eat and I go about doing what I have to do.

[Mello Nello]

lena,
First of all accidents happen. Sometimes it has no rhymn or reason. If the other driver side swiped you, it wasnt your fault. Im assuming the roommate is going to be okay? I understand your feeling bad she got hurt, but by the way you described the accident, it was unavoidable. Im sure the roommate doesnt blame you, and YOU shouldnt blame yourself either. Accidents are very scary, just Thank GOD that you and your roomate werent killed. He protected both of you, and a broken leg will heal. Dont start obsessing about this!!! God Bless you

[Reena]

You were in a car accident. No one expects you to be fine afterwards. Just because you suffered very minor physical things doesnt mean you dont suffer emotionally from this. My friend was in an accident a few years back, six, and to this day she has a hard time driving by the spot where she was hit. An accident is a traumatic thing. Everyone Ive talked to that has been in one says it takes them weeks to get thru it. Maybe months. We can all look backwards and think of things we 'could' have done differently, but there is no going back. Only in your mind. Im glad you are fine physically. Give yoruself time to heal emotionally from this. I dont think most people that are in accidents have full recall when it comes to details. It happens so fast how in the world are you supposed to know all those things. YOU WERE IN AN ACCIDENT! Its ok to not be able to think. Its called shock. Being dazed is very normal. You could always talk to a counselor to help you with this. Is there one at the school that you could talk to? Lena, have you talked to your regular MD about this? YOu sound depressed and I dont know if its what you normally deal with. Anyways, Im glad you are ok and your roommate will be ok too. Its unfortunate but these things happen everyday. Allow yourself time to get thru this. Try to eat healthy foods. Drink water. Try to go for walks and nurture yourself. Get your rest. Take care of you.

Hugs, Reena

[Lena Lenore]

Thanks both of you. It has been so hard trying to accept the accident. So many negative things came out of it and though I tried to appreciate the fact that things could have been worse, I still kept trying to make myself suffer more. I think I felt that the more I was hurt the less people could blame me for. Only my dad has shown much sympathy out of my family, the rest is mostly reprimand. But I guess that's to be expected of Moms and siblings.

Slowly, I see a little bit of my old self starting to appear again. Thanks again for your support.

[Linda83]

Hi,

I've just recently had a similar event. I'm a learner driver and my two good friends gave me a go at driving one of their cars. They were confident I could take them home and so was I given my driving has been going exceptionally well.

However, it was at night and I missed a very steep turn and crashed the car down an embankment and into a tree.

No-one was hurt in the slightest, but the car was a mess. The main thing is I feel so so guilty, just seeing the shock on my friends faces. I have a good job so paying for the damage is not an issue and we did have a good laugh about it together afterwards.

The guilt though is unbearable for me despite all this. And my friend who owned the car was happy to take the blame for the accident because she knows that if my parents found out they would go ballistic (this is true, as they are quite conservative and would be immensely angry if they knew I was driving...)

So I feel guilt about the accident and doing that to my friends and I have the additional guilt of having the keep the real truth from my family.

If anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it.

Linda

[problemattic]

Dear Lena:
I am so sorry that you feel as you do. I just hate it that you feel you "deserved" to be more severely injured. It sounds as if you were injured - and quite badly - emotionally. I hope you can overcome these guilty feelings. You'd have to be made of stone to notice every little thing at the scene and to able to recite the event perfectly. You were shaken and upset. That's so normal, as anyone involved in an accident will tell you. Decent people always feel deeply concerned over things like this, but it was an accident. You were not in the wrong and, chances are that the folks who were feel worse than you do! Somtimes, despite our best efforts, things just go haywire. I hope you will tune out those who "reprimand" you. Just tell "em, "Hey, next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, I promise to be kinder to you!" And, being the obviously special person you are, you will.
Hope you feel much better very soon,
Donna

[SeaRunner]

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3) Bumping it!

[Shifrah]

Hi SeaRunner

1) A productive morning
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[manofmusic]

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3) No panic attacks today !

[manofmusic]

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