The Challenge...Lesson 9

Are you needlessly dragging around a one-ton bag of guilt and worry? Here are some techniques that help reduce guilt and worry in your life to produce dramatic, immediate changes.
NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Sun Nov 21, 2010 2:22 pm

Questions and the Importance of them

This is something I actually posted back in 2009 that I thought I would dig up as it is very useful stuff. The information was derived from Tony Robbins's program (I'm not sure which one I did 2 diffrent ones).
So the program teaches us that our thoughts create our feelings and our feelings determine our perception on life so on a theoretical level would changing our thoughts change our perception? How do we change our thoughts?

I've done a few years looking into self help programs, ideas and I wanted to share with you the knowledge I've gained. This I found to be very helpful and I hope it helps you guys out there too. A very good way to change the way we think is through questions. I believe if we ask ourselves questions no matter how big they are, we eventually get the answer to it.

For starters ask yourself this...What positive things do you get out of procastinating doing chores? What things do you get from doing them? What will you feel like afterwards?

You can do this with everything and you can combine this with other theories like the pain-pleasure theory (We motivate ourselves to avoid pain and to get pleasure). For example...What will you lose if you stay stuck? What will you gain? How will it affect your life 2,3,5 years into the future? What will your life be if you made 1 move towards overcoming anxiety? What would your life be if you had gotten over anxiety? What good qualities do you have? What would you achieve if anxiety didn't stand in your way?

What ideas of questions do you guys have that might help others?
Also I found another thread someone else started back in 2009 it is also useful. It involves the questions again but also expectations.

Someone else started the thread and the initial post was this;
For some reason I don't think I understand what I'm supposed to be doing this week. Week 3 was clear. I even kept a notebook of negative thoughts. But I'm not sure how to practice limiting expectations. Also, my thing isn't holidays or perfect trips. I don't care about those things. I accept them for what they are. I'm not even sure where my expectations get out of control. I suppose making a list would help. Can someone help me understand how to practice for this session. Thanks.


My response was this;
Making a list would help you out. Think about the things you expect from yourself...do you expect to master something the first time you try it?

do you expect yourself or others to do things perfect?

Do you expect people to react a specific way to a specific situation?

Do you expect people to know how you are feeling?

Do you expect people to always be understanding?

Try asking yourself these questions and ones similar and that'll help you out.


I'm glad all my posts are here from day 1! I made some really awesome discoveries over the years and I have forgotten alot of stuff. I can definately go back and find them again and rediscover them! Its pretty cool!


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Post by THH » Sun Nov 21, 2010 2:24 pm

Mike,
Thanks giving is this Thurs. 25th. Just getting primed up!!! LOL....
It is good those messages come when they do!
I'll read more later... :)

a.marble1
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 3:03 am

Post by a.marble1 » Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:14 pm

Wow Great info on the scent! Thanks for that, was very enlightening it helps me put things in perspective more and to better understand the mechanics of the brain, quite intriguing :D

HAHA man, I MEMORIZED THOSE 6 STEPS SO WELL :P
accept
permission
breath
self talk
distract yourself
let time pass

(*double checks*)

OK PHEW! I still got it :D
I mean I know theyre not set in stone and when I go out to situations that I feel "iffy" about I dont always use all the six steps, I kind of just customize things and when some set doesnt work as well as I hoped, I rethink to the six steps and integrate another in my method (all within you know 30-90 seconds). So I dont think you HAVE to memorize the six steps but, having the tools in the back of your head at your disposal, and being able to remember and use them when u need is EXREMELY helpful. SO I dont think it needs to be a routine necessarily just to be able to access the tools :)

HAHHAAHA ROFL on Napolean. Yeah I still remember napoleon bonapart when I hear "napleon hill" sometimes too. Yeah Lucinda quotes him, he is like the founder of all this "power of the mind, and positive mental attitude" and "the universe will do what you command it" and "PROJECT in your mind what you want to happen" Kind of things. Hes GREAT. The SECRET for example, is all based on that, but to me its a big rip off I think, though lets stay positive, Im sure it helps people and introduces them to these fundamental concepts :P

Good idea on the tape man! :D I really hope it helps you! I actually have "what the bleep" dvd , actually its sitting right NEXT to me at the moment! hahaha :D WOW All theses coincidences, this is pretty cool :)

a.marble1
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 3:03 am

Post by a.marble1 » Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:28 pm

My weeks actually start on Wednesday's just to let you guys know. I'm doing one week long sessions as well, I think I'll stick to tat for now
Also, Im a freelance artist so I just take jobs when I want to and do them kind of when I want in a way, so I have a VERY flexible schedule and a lot of time. I also take a low doseage of prozac right now.
I HAVE to say, that, really, I hope everyone who reads this can get the book by Sam Obitz "been there, done that? do this!" Its a very SHORT book and I refer back to it ALL the time. I do the forms often, and now when I set "worry time" THATS what I'll be doing during "worry time" the TEA form exercises! They REALLY allow you to change the programming in your brain and CHANGE the way you think! They are great! They say you will notice relief within 2 months. But I think because all of what Im doing, it only took me like a week or two to feel relief on an issue i've had ALL MY LIFE since I was maybe.. 7... the methods in this book are just.. I am soo grateful for them! After I do them I feel a bit better immediately ( the more I do them the more immediate results I get ) but it is usually with about 2-4 days that I NOTICE really NOTICE my brain calling up POSITIVE ideas instead of negative ones on the things I've dealt with for YEARS. Its like, once you do the exercises, it plants a little seed or something, and then a little plant grows, your subconscious goes to work for you and in a few days, its just there! Its quite beatiful :) TEA forms are your friend! :)

a.marble1
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 3:03 am

Post by a.marble1 » Sun Nov 21, 2010 3:44 pm

Thanks for the tip on the pain-pleasure theory that is also quite relavent and I think I can introduce it into my "regiment" :P
Thanks for recalling those posts as well, they are helpful. Expectations is one session that I didnt really "get" as good as the other ones. It DOES stick in my mind though when I do things, and I try to think of my expectations if Im feeling down, and try to mentally change them. It really does help, but I think this is one to sort of carry on learning for the years ahead. Kind of like Carolyn Dickman says in tape 4 how she comes back to it often. Take care Mike, and everyone :)

Karen L
Posts: 181
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:09 pm

Post by Karen L » Sun Nov 21, 2010 4:51 pm

hi everyone.......staying busy here with my cleaning, which is good cuz the house really needed it lol....
Im going to have to catch up on the posts tomorrow....I have to catch up on the lesson too, I havent even started the tape yet.....the steam cleaner is so loud I cant listen to anything when Im using it....
hope everyone is good and have a great evening!!

mcshope
Posts: 259
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 9:02 am

Post by mcshope » Sun Nov 21, 2010 4:55 pm

Busy week, I also have a lot to do. Yes I have to clean my house too... I will check everybody's posts once I have my house in order.
"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, it empties today of its strength." – Unknown

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Sun Nov 21, 2010 5:30 pm

The wrong that I have done is not etched in stone, the pain that I have caused was not by choice. It is understandable for these people to feel upset and their opinions are valid. I too was in pain which lead to the pain of others, we all affect each other's lives. There are opportunities to go back and appologize when we're ready. If part of this condition right now is to be self-centered or self-absorbed then I'm going to do this and accept it for now and appologize for it later. I'll worry about it later.

I'll read the rest of the posts and post on it tomorrow.
Sunday

Ok so I purposely woke myself up too early in order to fix this sleep. I made it so I only got 6 hours of sleep and it has been a rough day. I don't want to do as much, I didn't really want to be around too many people and I just wanted to sleep but I still pushed myself to do things today. I didn't push myself too hard though. Some of the harder things I didn't do because I am already feeling alot of pressure from lack of sleep.

I started today with schedualing my time and only putting some of my goals on the to do list. Its alot less stressful and putting a time limit on some activities makes it so much easier to get other things done, the important things. I did get alot done but I didn't get everything done on my list and even things I circled as important I didn't get done but I have promised myself that those will be the first things I handle tomorrow. I have a good feeling that this will work this time and this is a good way to build confidence and trust in myself so we'll see how this goes.

I had planned out a bunch of things to do and then my friend asked me if I wanted to go to the Santa Claus parade and I agreed. I really didn't care too much about the parade but I thought this would be good for me to go out and socialize and break my normal routine. I allowed time for this and I had told him before that I would leave after because I have things I need to get done (this was my out that they talk about having so I feel more comfortable in social situations). I didn't worry about the things I needed to get done while I was at the parade and I hungout after the parade and then broke off shortly after and went to the gym. It was a good experience. I haven't really ever used an "out" before but it definately makes me feel more comfortable. Typically I would be out socializing and I would be constantly worried and obsessing and I would become more anxious and spacy, it has been really difficult. Maybe I just need to utilize this "out" idea more often.

Thought replacement
1)I'm so anxious right now, it's going to last the whole day.
[Emotional reasoning, Fortune telling, Overgeneralization]
(Anxious, Worried)
Disarm->[It definately feels never ending when I start to feel this way and the thoughts would definately add to this feeling and make it more intense] but I know its not a fact and I have experienced countless times where the anxiety reduces after a little while. So I am just going to get busy with something and not worry about it. It'll go away on its own.


2)This organization of time isn't going to work, I will just keep putting off what I want to do and it'll never get done.
[Fortunte telling, Minimization]
(Hopeless)
Disarm->[I have tried this many times and have failed many times in the past. In the beginning it would go alright and then it would fall apart and there definately is a possibility of that happening again] however, alot has changed since the last time. Some of my beliefs that sabbotaged my efforts have been changed like the perfectionistic attitude, my expectations and my self-talk. I have a really good shot at this and I'm going to do the best I can and I'm going to allow for error and not focus on how it turned out in the past.

3)I won't get all the typing done.
[Fortune telling, Magnification]
(nervous, worry)
Disarm->[Theres a chance that this might not happen but thats ok]. As long as I keep putting effort into it, it'll get done. It doesn't matter if it takes 1 or 2 days. My life won't be in danger if I have to wait a little longer than expected.

4)I need to finish the scripts right now or else I'll get those obsessive thoughts and I won't be able to shake them.
[Fortune telling, Magnification, Minimization]
(Worry)
Disarm->[The thoughts might come up] and I know it is just my mind's way of saying its important for me to deal with this. I also know that I want to get it done and will work on it daily until its done. I can trust myself and I can trust in my abilities to problem solve and handle the negative, irrational and obsessive thoughts.

5)I should get to bed by 11 but I'm not ready for that. I still have a couple things I want to do.
[Should]
(Nervous, Guilty)
Disarm->[I don't have to] and it takes time to correct sleep. It's a slow process to form any habit and it needs to be done slowly. Maybe it would be better to try getting to bed by 1 tonight then 12 or 12:30 tomorrow. I will get there and I may fall back many days but thats ok. [disarm-> It might feel uncomfortable the day after] but I can survive it and get back on track.

6)I haven't played my videogames in awhile, I really should let myself enjoy them tonight.
[Should, Mental filter]
(Excited, Happy)
[Disarm->I do deserve to enjoy my videogames and not be as productive] and I can make time for that in the next couple of days but I do not want to sabbotage my attempts to fix my sleep. It is really important to me and [Stroking->I deserve the benefits of better sleep.]

7)I didn't get everything done like I should have.
[Should, All-or-Nothing]
(Worthless, Guilty, Discouraged)
[Disarm-> There were more things I could have completed today and put time towards] but i'm not going to always be as productive and things can change during the day like how I ended up at the Santa Claus parade. Thats fine for this to happen. I need to allow for flexibility. It'll be more times then not that I don't do everything. The list I make is a guide and I can do as much as I can and feel good about each individual thing and do the really important things that I missed the next day, first thing. I deserve that freedom and I still got lots accomplished.

Accomplishments today
Got myself up at 10 despite feeling really tired
Merged Affirmation Scripts
Added some more worries to the paper exercise
Filled in some of the data for my experiments
Posted on Abuse Forum
Posted on Stresscenter Forum
Watched Funny shows
Thought replacement
Worked out
Went to Parade and was social
Didn't Push myself too much today
Posted info on Questions
Wrote down things to remember in a small spiral notepad
Did Cardio
Posted Music video on Stresscenter forums and Abuse forums
Wrote out goals for tomorrow



Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

a.marble1
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2010 3:03 am

Post by a.marble1 » Sun Nov 21, 2010 6:30 pm

see my 3 other posts on page 7? Maybe u missed em

NinjaFrodo
Posts: 1263
Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am

Post by NinjaFrodo » Mon Nov 22, 2010 3:40 am

Nah I didn't miss them. I saw them and decided to post about them later today. There was a message right above my Sunday

I Am going to post a few more things and then check out your posts later today and then post on them.


Daily Assertiveness Practice

(Lets say there is someone who is really suffering right now and say you suggest the CBT because it has helped you out alot and they respond negatively)

Sufferer; What a bunch of crap! CBT isn't going to help me! It's just a bunch of garbadge!


Your Options;

1)Disarm by finding something to agree with

2)Inquire to find out more about how they see the topic/situation

3)Empathy to let them know you are both listening (Thought empathy) and know how they feel (feeling empathy)

4)I Feel Statements to state how you feel

5)Stroking which basically says something nice about the other person (ie You deserve to be respected)

You can also choose to do a combination of them.


David D Burns says the first 3 deal with the negative thoughts and feelings of other people and the last 2 deal with the negative thoughts and feelings of yourself.


Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087

You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog

http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/

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