The Challenge...Lesson 9

[NinjaFrodo]

THH;

Yeah we do have to do the forgiving for ourselves. Its so hard not to want to change other people though, so very hard! Its kind of like a projection thing wanting to help other people with their problems, its almost as if in some way it might help with our own.

I'm still trying to figure out when to listen and when to give advice as some people might ask without directly asking...I dunno. I used to be so horrible for trying to push life changing stuff on people! I think I drove many people away doing that but your right not everybody wants to do that. I have heard that statement but it was with a donkey. I guess when you feel sorry for someone and their situation the best thing you can really do is pray for them or from what I was taught in Tao Shiatsu is to wish for them.

Good i'm glad at least one person likes the tunes. I was really fortunate to find the i'm only human song as there is alot of fear about making mistakes but like the song says, we're born to make mistakes! The skillet song was good too, they have a few good songs and actually I have never even heard of them until I was searching for songs that fit the theme of our lessons. I'm glad I found it too.

That was a cute song you sent by the way.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

mcshope;

You are very brave to do the job interviews. I'm really scared about them and I guess I still feel like i'm not good enough for someone to hire me. It is really inspiring what you say about anxiety getting less and less with the interviews.

I'm glad you are feeling more confident about getting over the panic misery.

I know i'm at least somewhat strong. I'm one of the strongest people you know? Thats very flattering! I guess that is the inner Xena in me!

Maybe she is proud of me as that psychic lady I was treating in student clinic had told me that my mother said I was her angel. I also understand that she had her own pain and it interfered with her perception and behavior but I feel by forgiving her I'm saying it was ok what she did and that my feelings mean nothing. It was not ok and I could have died because of her stupidity.

Well I was feeling guilty about how my body reacted but i'm not feeling that so much since I did write that script and did those other techniques. Its still partially there but not so much now.

I'm not quite sure what else I have to forgive myself for. I guess I have been really negative towards many people and I have guilt for putting him through the pain by going to the cops and telling people what he had done. I only feel guilty because if he went through it himself there were no resources for this kind of thing when he was a kid.

Oh I understand the pushing myself to do 10,000X better than others. I've done that for years but only stopped this year. I still push myself hard but not that hard. I'm not quite sure how i feel about the subject of not deserving good things now. I mean I didn't think I did because of the shame with the body feelings but that isn't as bad now. I guess I still feel that way because I'm not working right now. Perhaps there are a few things.

forgive myself instead of looking it externally, I get what you are saying. I'm not sure how to do that. I mean I can say the words but I wouldn't really feel them. Perhaps i'm just not ready for that yet. But yes I get what you're saying.

Yes your right the body doesn't take into consideration the context!! I did not think of it that way, that means alot that you said that! I haven't actually thought much about women who get abused but it does make sense. I appreciate this comfort, it helps me to unravel that irrational set of beliefs.

I'd like the next spurt of emotion to come up because I feel like I'm ready to handle it but nothings happening. Its kind of frustrating.

Thank you for looking out for me when it comes to the books. I'll definately check those out! Maybe they'll inspire more emotions to come up!


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

mcshope & THH;

Are you kidding me e-cigs that are peach cobbler and banana flavored? That makes me want to start-up smoking again just so I can try them out, they sound pretty good!


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

I'm going to be a hummingbird!

"I will be a hummingbird" - Wangari Maathai


Mike

[mcshope]

Mike,

To forgive oneself is not an easy task, I am still having problems with that one.

Yes, they have all kind of flavors, apple, coffee, cuban cigar, vanilla... etc. The advantage is that you can buy the cigarretes that have no nicottine. My goal is to start reducing the amount of nicottine until I get to zero.

Give it time to your emotions, one step is to let them out, a second step is to process them. Take your time to process the emotions that have come out. You are moving forward, don't rush, remember that you are rebuilding yourself.

Hope

[THH]

Hi everyone.
Hope everyone has had a good day!
I just got home from dog class and its late and I'm off to bed!
Hope, I ordered it on line from South beach. I ordered the delux ultra lite. I guess it comes with a battery charger for the car! LOL... It comes with a variety pack of flavors with the lowest level of nic. I ordered a xtra pack of no nic. with cherry flavor. I'll let you know when I get it. 3-7 days they said.
I used the nic. patch years ago, I used the strongest one and I think it was too much for me. So I'm going to try the least amount and work up! This is my new stratagy! LOL...
Yes Mike they have flavors, with out nic. or with. All different ones, lol... it even has vapor that you exhale, looks like smoke.
One thing I'm wondering... with a real cig. you smoke it down and put it out. I'm wondering how long you smoke this one as it stays whole??? Do you just get tired of it and quit, or just get the nic. that you need and quit? I'll see soon!
Have a good night everyone!

[NinjaFrodo]

mcshope;

nice I might do that one day! Good goal by the way.

I guess you are right. I'm so not used to feeling these emotions and I'm probabbly rushing it! Yes I'm rebuilding myself! Can I build myself into a Unicorn or a Dolphin cuz that would be super cool!


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

The wrong that I have done is not etched in stone, the pain that I have caused was not by choice. It is understandable for these people to feel upset and their opinions are valid. I too was in pain which lead to the pain of others, we all affect each other's lives. There are opportunities to go back and appologize when we're ready. If part of this condition right now is to be self-centered or self-absorbed then I'm going to do this and accept it for now and appologize for it later. I'll worry about it later.

Thursday;

Alright I feel like that emotional flooding has thrown me right off of my progress with the program. It was necessary and I do not regret that happening but it is time to get back on track with what I need to do with the anxiety and depression! I'm going to get back to using the relaxation cd, doing thought replacements, action assignments and assertiveness practice!

Lately I have not felt like I've been giving myself time to do non-productive things for myself. I had been avoiding doing this for myself for years but then I started to allow it and well I guess I forgot to do it again. So I'm going to get back on track down my path along my journey.

The 200 men episode that Oprah had well it also had links to resources and I just signed up at a forum for men survivors of sexual abuse and I just posted a very short version of my story there and so I'm going to keep up with facing the issues with the abuse.

I'm planning to do 2 more of those Feared Fantasy scripts, 1 for rushing (because that seems to be a recurring negative thought that just doesn't want to go away with regular thought replacement) and 2 is for anxiety itself so keep your eyes peeled for that! I am also hoping to post about questions and how important they are.

I finally got the rest of my stuff into my room. My friend had been storing some of my stuff for a year and it was like christmas when she brought the rest of my stuff. One of those things was Tony Robbins's program or at least one of his programs so you may see some more refrence from that as well however I do not want to get too crazy with stuff to do.

I went on a date I guess you could call it. I usually just call it hanging out so it makes it alot easier but anyways we were just talking and well I am always afraid to let someone know that I'm on disability right now, I feel ashamed about it. However we talked about it and I talked about how I needed to take some time off to deal with some issues after getting fired from my last job and struggling with all my other ones and I even let him know that I'm afraid of the stigma but he was very reassuring and said that could happen to anybody. He talked about a very overwhelming situation he went through and said he could have just reached his breaking point there and needed to go on it. I think maybe i'm just making a bigger deal about this then it actually is.



Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

This is the process I went through to overcome the shame aspect (along with the support from you guys as well by the way and thank you for that).

1)Vertical Arrow Method (this helps to find the core beliefs that create the problem)
2)Cost/Benefit (which is actually Pro and Con of that belief)
3)Test it out (diffrent things to prove that the undesired belief is not true)
4)Feared Fantasy Method (Roleplaying it out with the angry critic side of yourself in order to face your worst fears)

Vertical Arrow Method
I can't enjoy sex now
(and if I do, why would that upset me?)
It means that I enjoyed the sensations I got while being abused
(and if I did, why would that bother me?)
I have to admit that what happened was a good thing
(and if I did why woudl that bother me?)
I could do it to someone else
(and if I did what would that say about me?)
I would be a pedofile/sexual abuser

Silent Assumptions
1)Sexual intercourse is abuse
2)If it feels good then it must be good
3)Feelings control my actions
4)Sexually stimulating someone else makes me an abuser/pedofile


I do not feel right about posting all of those things though at least not for this issue. I will do it for the other 2 things I want to overcome (Rushing, being anxious around others)


Mike

[Karen L]

I am on the road to recovery. There will be obstacles which I will overcome and learn from. I can not go over, under, or around a limitation. I must meet it head on. This may cause some discomfort, but it will not hurt me.


Hi everyone
been doing pretty good here, keeping busy.....pushing away at my driving limitations...going to stores and actually feeling good Im having Thanksgiving at my house, so Im on a mission to clean......I used to overdo it before, but the last year I began slacking off...I wanted to do things like cleaning my carpets, so this is an excellent motivation to do things Ive been putting off


Mike

writing a book is an excellent idea for you......yes, it would be very helpful to others.....but I believe that it would most benifit you....you seem to have alot of enlightening moments when you actually concentrate on certain things, so I think writing would actually help you see and address feelings and situations......you would actually see you for you and discover answers to some of the "why"s in your life....this may actually lead to television appearances and your own show as you talked about early on in the forums...you have been doing great and have been really learning alot about yourself...I noticed that you have become a lot stronger asking yourself questions that you never did before.....learning about and accepting the real you


Hope

thanks so much for the "Ellen" clip....I added it to my favorites and have already watched it a few times....awesome job with the interviews!! Its amazing how good we can feel when we actually challenge the anxiety and step through that barrier....so glad to hearyou have been feeling more positive

Please dont apologize for offering your insight...you are not crossing any boundaries with me I am trying to learn about myself and the insight is appreciated.....and yes, Im sure my guilt over my kids has caused me to feel I must be abused and treated bad....that I must be punished....Im slowly chisling away at all the layers that made me who I am and dealing with the issues I never dealt with.....it has been a long and very difficult process (I see my counselor twice weekly, for 10 months now) but I am finally seeing things in a clearer light....I sometimes fall back into my negative way of life, but it is getting better thanks


THH

glad to hear you are trying the e-cig...I have heard some positive reviews.....have you still been going to work with your husband?? any plans for Thanksgiving?? Im glad to hear involved with the dog class, it gets you out and I know how important your animals are to you


Paisleegreen

you really have alot of saddness in your life....it seems like you have alot of love to give but it just isnt the right time with your family....there is nothing you can do to change how they feel or make them listen...they will get to this point on their own....
Im wondering though if some kind of volunteering would her you spread the love you have inside to give......this might really help you see that there is and can be happiness in this world....for the longest time nursing was the only thing that uplifted me.....it was the only time I felt important, appreciated, and needed....maybe doing stuff with and for others would also help lift you spirits....trust me, there are many people that would appreciate you



hope everyone has a wonderful day!!!