Stress Center Peer Support

I've been feeling guilty and worrying a lot about my progress. Im on session 9 and I feel like I should be better by now. I feel this way cause on the tapes they say "session 2 may be the last time you have a panic attack" "some people are better by this session" also because Ive been feeling better so I figure that I should NEVER have feelings of anxiety or anger or else Im not getting better.
I feel like these are irrational thoughts but I just worry that since Im not better yet Ill never get better!!

I just want to get better sooo badly, Im trying really hard. Its hard to stop worry when all ive done for the past few years is worry constantly I dont know how to feel good and when I do feel good I have this bad feeling int he back of my head. If im not worrying I worry!!! ahh help!!

Also, I feel guilty that I don do enough in the day. I feel like I have to do a million things to feel productive. The day to day grind of things is scary I feel like Im not "living my life"

Sorry for the rant, Ive just been holding it in and Im trying to get over things. A little background to my anxiety is I moved from RI to CA about 3 years ago with a girl who I knew for 3 months. She really screwed with my head, she was extremely manipulative with friends, guys, food, everything! She ended up leaving (which I wanted to do for a year but was too afraid to be on my own) I ended up having to live in 3 bedroom with 2 people I found off the internet, the next year was me hiding in my room so I wouldnt have to talkt o them. I went to school full time and work full time with no friends thats when my anxiety really started. she was also extremely anxious and that rubbed off on me. All in all I ended up finding my bf we have been dating for 2 1/2 yrs and moved to northern cali from southern cali things have been doing really good up here but Im just so scared im gonna end up how I was in so cal.

Ok I need to stop now ha ha please anyone give me advice or suggestions I really want to move on from this.

>I should NEVER have feelings of anxiety or anger or >else Im not getting better.

I have the same thing. I feel like my anxiety in general has gone way down. But I still have those days where something stressful happens and it shoots straight back up. Lucinda said something about healing from anxiety being 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. I think we need to love ourselves most when we feel we deserve it the least. We should be good friends to ourselves. And good friends don't just love us when we're happy and successful they love us when we fail, and when we're miserable, and even when we make big mistakes.

This week I'm going through something in my new job that has me panicky. It's hard because when you're the new person in the workplace it feels like you have no one to turn to.

But despite that I know I am still much better off than I would have been without the skills in the program. I still catch myself 'playing' with worrisome work related thoughts but at least I can get myself to sleep at night now.

The situation with the apartment and ex-room mate sounded awful. I'm pretty sure that would send anyone over the edge. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have a pretty good relationship. So it seems highly unlikely you'd have to go through the Cali thing again. But just remember you are a stronger person now, you have more coping skills and can react differently to the situation.

The reality is that you might finish the program and still not be fully recovered. Remeber, everyone moves at their own pace. Stop trying to compare yourself to everyone else. I did just what you were doing. Even the stuff about worrying about not worrying. When I finished the program a year and 2 months ago I was not recovered. And today I am not perfect. But I was alot better after the program, and I continued to use my new skills. And I would say now that I'm 95% recovered. I went from being completely unable to function, drive, take care of my baby, cook a meal, or do anything to now...back to work for over a year, driving, just got a new great job, taking care of my family, even flew on a plane alone with my son twice across the country.

We don't see how far we are coming until one day you will notice, hey, look how far I've come! It doesn't happen overnight. Its not about when you will be over it, its about learning to accept yourself the way you are and being okay with yourself. With that acceptance will come the healing. Focus on what you can do, not what you can't. You will get over this condition. If I can, anyone can. I don't know of anyone who was worse then me. And I did it with this program and no meds.