really struggling
I don't know what's wrong with me but I have so many things that I feel guilty about, others reinforce my feelings, and I feel like a horrible person. How do I get past the bad feelings I have toward myself and move on. I feel like I've disappointed everyone in my life and there doesn't seem to be any forgiveness for the things that I've done. I have really messed up and I feel like I am stuck. Does anyone have any advice? I'm really trying to heal and move on. It's just not working. Jody
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sleeplessMom
- Posts: 81
- Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 2:16 pm
I know what you mean. I am a stay at home mom for a wonderful son, but have a lot of guilt for only having one child. That is not society's norm, especially in a 2 parent family. Now that I'm 40 people have stopped asking us if we're going to have another, although it's not uncommom these days to be an older parent.Originally posted by JodyLynn:
I don't know what's wrong with me but I have so many things that I feel guilty about, others reinforce my feelings, and I feel like a horrible person. How do I get past the bad feelings I have toward myself and move on. I feel like I've disappointed everyone in my life and there doesn't seem to be any forgiveness for the things that I've done. I have really messed up and I feel like I am stuck. Does anyone have any advice? I'm really trying to heal and move on. It's just not working. Jody
I've learned that no matter what the situation, a parent can find something to feel guilty about. If you have more than one child, it seems common to feel guilty for not spending enough time with each one. If you are a stay at home mom, you feel guilty spending money that you didn't "earn". I know that is BS, but I sometimes feel that way. If you work outside the home, you are juggling a whole lot and probably don't feel you are giving anyone 100%.
It's great that you are in the program - keep plugging along. You are doing an incredible amount of work and no doubt giving your all. Be sure to try and save some time for yourself. Working on this program is a big part of that.
We can do it!
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Guest
JodyLynn,
I suspect the guilt and disappointment you feel are coming from your own thoughts and perspective and expectation of perfection you have for yourself, rather than facts.
Also, if you were talking to a friend experiencing the same feelings, you would not be so hard on your friend. What would you say to a 'friend' experiencing the same feelings? Take that kindness and love you likely show to everyone else in your world and show some to yourself. You deserve it, are worthy of it, and maybe the forgiveness you refer to can first be given by you-to you. I too, struggle with changing my thoughts and messages to myself. I love a couple of quotes I heard: "As you think, so shall you be" and "There are no ordinary moments". We CAN do this!
Please be kind to yourself.
I suspect the guilt and disappointment you feel are coming from your own thoughts and perspective and expectation of perfection you have for yourself, rather than facts.
Also, if you were talking to a friend experiencing the same feelings, you would not be so hard on your friend. What would you say to a 'friend' experiencing the same feelings? Take that kindness and love you likely show to everyone else in your world and show some to yourself. You deserve it, are worthy of it, and maybe the forgiveness you refer to can first be given by you-to you. I too, struggle with changing my thoughts and messages to myself. I love a couple of quotes I heard: "As you think, so shall you be" and "There are no ordinary moments". We CAN do this!
Please be kind to yourself.-
Guest
jodylynn,
learn to love yourself and as you go through the program you willget the skills and tools that you need to help you through all the things you mentioned..learn how to forgive others for what they have done or said to you..never gve up no matter what. in time you will feel different and you can make it happen..if you ever get a chance look at my profile and it wll explain alot of what i went through and over cme wit GODS help and the program..be blessed..
don
yocan o it if you try and, i know if i can then you can.
learn to love yourself and as you go through the program you willget the skills and tools that you need to help you through all the things you mentioned..learn how to forgive others for what they have done or said to you..never gve up no matter what. in time you will feel different and you can make it happen..if you ever get a chance look at my profile and it wll explain alot of what i went through and over cme wit GODS help and the program..be blessed..
don
yocan o it if you try and, i know if i can then you can.
A good book I've been reading lately is a Christian book called "Changes that Heal: How to Understand Your Past to Ensure a Healthier Future" by Henry Cloud.
My personal opinion that does involve my religious belief of being a Christian as follows so if you feel you will get offended if you have a different religious belief you don't have to read it:). I think this book is really good for many reasons, but for your situation especially, it does talk about "guilt". As a Christian, I no longer believe in guilt, but conviction. I believe that when I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior that I was forgiven, as the author points out. From then on, when I sin, I have true sorrow, and I move to change my behavior, but while doing so I know that I have received grace and that there's nothing that I can do for God not to love me anymore. I know that I am a human being who will make mistakes at times, and I will never be perfect, and that I can not expect perfection in others. This book points out that we need truth in our lives, but we also need God's grace when we hear that truth.
Guilt is an emotion that comes from not having access to unconditional love or not understanding that you have that access. Guilt is a symptom from believing that you are inherently bad or a bad person. Conviction on the other hand, shows that your behavior at times may be bad or imperfect, and that you will make an effort to change your behavior, but as a child of God you will always be loved and justified no matter what your behavior. No one will ever be perfect, and sometimes guilt results from believing that you can be perfect, and then "hating" yourself when you are not. It also involves taking responsibility for things and others feelings that you are probably not even responsible for. Usually guilt just involves feeling bad, and that's it. It's crippling. With conviction, you admit the "true" sin knowing that you are just a human being loved by God who makes mistakes, and then you make an effort to change or rectify the situation. You may feel sad in that moment for hurting yourself or others, but you don't stay stuck there. Usually, guilt is very crippling. You just beat yourself up, and you feel unworthy of love and forgiveness. The truth of the matter is that there is no one who is really worthy of love and forgiveness by their own actions, but God gives all of us that by His grace so the best thing to do is to accept His gift. It is a gift though, and that sometimes floors us when we have been mislead to think our value and our receiving love is based on our performance.
This book is really good, and has really helped me so I hope it will be of help to you.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
My personal opinion that does involve my religious belief of being a Christian as follows so if you feel you will get offended if you have a different religious belief you don't have to read it:). I think this book is really good for many reasons, but for your situation especially, it does talk about "guilt". As a Christian, I no longer believe in guilt, but conviction. I believe that when I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior that I was forgiven, as the author points out. From then on, when I sin, I have true sorrow, and I move to change my behavior, but while doing so I know that I have received grace and that there's nothing that I can do for God not to love me anymore. I know that I am a human being who will make mistakes at times, and I will never be perfect, and that I can not expect perfection in others. This book points out that we need truth in our lives, but we also need God's grace when we hear that truth.
Guilt is an emotion that comes from not having access to unconditional love or not understanding that you have that access. Guilt is a symptom from believing that you are inherently bad or a bad person. Conviction on the other hand, shows that your behavior at times may be bad or imperfect, and that you will make an effort to change your behavior, but as a child of God you will always be loved and justified no matter what your behavior. No one will ever be perfect, and sometimes guilt results from believing that you can be perfect, and then "hating" yourself when you are not. It also involves taking responsibility for things and others feelings that you are probably not even responsible for. Usually guilt just involves feeling bad, and that's it. It's crippling. With conviction, you admit the "true" sin knowing that you are just a human being loved by God who makes mistakes, and then you make an effort to change or rectify the situation. You may feel sad in that moment for hurting yourself or others, but you don't stay stuck there. Usually, guilt is very crippling. You just beat yourself up, and you feel unworthy of love and forgiveness. The truth of the matter is that there is no one who is really worthy of love and forgiveness by their own actions, but God gives all of us that by His grace so the best thing to do is to accept His gift. It is a gift though, and that sometimes floors us when we have been mislead to think our value and our receiving love is based on our performance.
This book is really good, and has really helped me so I hope it will be of help to you.
Take Care,
luvpiggy
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Guest
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Carolyn Dickman
- Posts: 264
- Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2005 3:00 am
What is the function of guilt? I have yet to figure that out. Lately, perhaps because I'm on session 9, I have felt an axtreme amount of guilt and shame. I've pretty much carried it with me for as long as I can remember. I'm starting school in January, and I feel like I have a limited amount of time to "get better." I also feel like I've wasted so much time being angry at the world for the wrong reasons and fighting with my BF condstantly, that I no longer have the "right" to be angry or upset. I know that these are all mistaken beliefs that I need to change. Intellectually I know that these are unhealthy thoughts, but for some reason I feel like I need to be punished for my "bad" behavior. I know that I should let this go and I'm trying to figure out what payoff i'm getting. I'm hoping that this is a growth spurt and that these feelings are intensifying because I am growing. I really like some of the earlier posts. I am going to print them out to remind myself to let go of this guilt.