Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 11:09 am
Hi everyone. I am moving forward with life and retruning to work after being home 9 years raising kids. I went on a job interview 2 weeks ago and went ok. Yesterday I went to a job fair and a company is very interested in me.
Before I went yesterday the anticipatory anxiety really dug up alot of anxiety and fear of mistakes from my past. I kept telling myself so what, I am moving forward. The job fair went well and this company has contacted me to come to an open house next week and meet with some managers.
Today my anxiety/obessessing about the past and mistakes I have made as nurse has been absolutely horrible. I am feeling really down because I have been doing so well. I feel like the wind has gone out of my sails.
I keep telling myself everyone is entitled to a bad day. I want to talk to my husband about it but he is like you need to work this stuff out on your own. I don't want him to be disappointed in me because he has told me how proud he has been of me recently facing my fears head on.
It is like everything I have ever done in the past since nursing school right up until I had kids has been kicked up. I keep telling myself its just anxiety breathe and float. But its so darn draining. I just don't know how to let go of the past, how to forgive myself for not alswys having the right answers or not always knowing what I should have done or not done.
Today I received call from a good friend. I remember her dad being very sick on our floor when I was a new nurse grad. He was a very difficult patient and several of the nurses used to complain about him. I purposely did not care for him when he was first admitted because
I was close to his daughter. I did have to take care of him a few times because he had been there so long and some of the other nurses didn't like taking care of him. I figured I would be more patient/understanding because I knew him and he did do well for me.
I began to feel guilty over having taken care of this man because I knew him personally. I keep telling myself that's nonsense because I was able to treat him professionally like any other patient.
Then I had a memory of a doctor placing a central line in this man and I don't think he had a mask on. I remember saying it to another nurse and she said I should have given the doctor a mask as this was hospital policy to wear one when performig this prcedure. I was so new to nursing I did not realize it. I only happened to see it as I passed by the room. I wasn't even in the room when this was happening. I have spent the day beating myself up on this and feeling guilty. My friend's dad was so very sick with heart disease and complications. He did develop an infection as a result of the central line the doctor put in.
Now I have not thought of this situition in 20 years, but my friend called me today and I was just in the negative/ guilting/worrying thought process. Now I have the scary thought what if this is all my fault.
If anyone has any thoughts, suggestions, recommendations about letting go of past mistakes I would so appreciate it.
I apologize that this is so long winded. I actually feel better just from having vented. Thank you. Take care and God Bless.
Before I went yesterday the anticipatory anxiety really dug up alot of anxiety and fear of mistakes from my past. I kept telling myself so what, I am moving forward. The job fair went well and this company has contacted me to come to an open house next week and meet with some managers.
Today my anxiety/obessessing about the past and mistakes I have made as nurse has been absolutely horrible. I am feeling really down because I have been doing so well. I feel like the wind has gone out of my sails.
I keep telling myself everyone is entitled to a bad day. I want to talk to my husband about it but he is like you need to work this stuff out on your own. I don't want him to be disappointed in me because he has told me how proud he has been of me recently facing my fears head on.
It is like everything I have ever done in the past since nursing school right up until I had kids has been kicked up. I keep telling myself its just anxiety breathe and float. But its so darn draining. I just don't know how to let go of the past, how to forgive myself for not alswys having the right answers or not always knowing what I should have done or not done.
Today I received call from a good friend. I remember her dad being very sick on our floor when I was a new nurse grad. He was a very difficult patient and several of the nurses used to complain about him. I purposely did not care for him when he was first admitted because
I was close to his daughter. I did have to take care of him a few times because he had been there so long and some of the other nurses didn't like taking care of him. I figured I would be more patient/understanding because I knew him and he did do well for me.
I began to feel guilty over having taken care of this man because I knew him personally. I keep telling myself that's nonsense because I was able to treat him professionally like any other patient.
Then I had a memory of a doctor placing a central line in this man and I don't think he had a mask on. I remember saying it to another nurse and she said I should have given the doctor a mask as this was hospital policy to wear one when performig this prcedure. I was so new to nursing I did not realize it. I only happened to see it as I passed by the room. I wasn't even in the room when this was happening. I have spent the day beating myself up on this and feeling guilty. My friend's dad was so very sick with heart disease and complications. He did develop an infection as a result of the central line the doctor put in.
Now I have not thought of this situition in 20 years, but my friend called me today and I was just in the negative/ guilting/worrying thought process. Now I have the scary thought what if this is all my fault.
If anyone has any thoughts, suggestions, recommendations about letting go of past mistakes I would so appreciate it.
I apologize that this is so long winded. I actually feel better just from having vented. Thank you. Take care and God Bless.