Get rid of my guilt

Are you needlessly dragging around a one-ton bag of guilt and worry? Here are some techniques that help reduce guilt and worry in your life to produce dramatic, immediate changes.
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huskymania
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2009 6:25 pm

Post by huskymania » Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:14 am

I have been divorced a little over 3 years. I have 4 kids and joint custody. I know both of us are responsible for the divorce. I still carry a lot of guilt because my kids are doing bad in school, acting out etc. I filed for divorce and keep thinking if I worked harder at the relationship than my ex I could of held the marriage together no matter how bad things got between us. I have been through the program and have improved with the last mountain to cross is the endless guilt feelings.

Boon
Posts: 202
Joined: Fri Sep 22, 2006 2:42 pm

Post by Boon » Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:02 am

Guilt is manmade. It is not created by some outside force. I once had a therapist say to me a long time ago: "Leave the guilt for the criminals." This really helped to put it in perspective.

We are so hard on ourselves and if this occurred to someone else in your life what would you say to that person? How kind we are to others and how heartless we are to ourselves.

You made a decision that felt right at the time. Your chldren will need to adjust, I know, If the relationship was not good for you then it probably was not good for them either.

Like any emotion - feel it. Breathe into it, but do not talk back to it and try to make it go away. Don't try to make it better. This is impossible. Just allow yourself to feel it. In time it will pass or become less and certainly with less emotional impact for you.

This will bring you back to the present moment and better able you to deal with the day to day challenges and adjustments that your children are going through. You must expect this and not judge them either. You'll do the right thing to help and guide them creating a secure foundation for them to manage through any and all hurdles that life will present and, in fact, does present to us all the time.

Perhaps a local counselor can help you to help them as well.

Practice allowing those feelings, but do not beat yourself up with them. Feelings are feelings and you help them to pass by accepting them.
"Life is not about comfort. It is about living." Dr. Howard Liebgold

alta
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:33 pm

Post by alta » Sat Oct 30, 2010 2:17 am

I have migranes and miss alot of work and then i feel guit because it put's a hard ship on coworkers,and then i get depressed and miss more work because of the depression.Any advice would be helpful.

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Post by Paisleegreen » Wed Nov 10, 2010 6:30 am

Alta, I guess it comes to knowing that you are doing the best you can do, and life is a give and take situation. Maybe you are having migraines now, but later you won't when other co-workers need your help.

There's a time and a place for things to happen in life.
My husband and I have been helped in our early years and since then we have helped others in their struggles. Many times we've have to put of with a lot of bad mouthing of relatives or others, but we endured it and came out the ones that are "looking good" or in a good financial situation.

I've had to work on forgiving many that have hurt my feelings. And they probably don't even know they did and some do.

Another word to use instead of "guilt" is regrets. I lost a son to suicide, and in some of our Suivivors of Suicide meetings it is important to change the word to regret instead of guilt. I don't feel guilty for my son's death, but have regrets that I wish I had told him I loved him more or things like that.

I also realize that I did what I could do with what I know and the life skills that I had at the time. This is how it is with your migraines. Your body came with a susceptibility for having migraines. It is no different than others having cancer or mental illnesses.

Just know that you are doing the best you can in your circumstances in life.

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