Posted: Mon Nov 23, 2009 5:15 am
I had been going thru a difficult year. I have had a hard time dealing with coming back from my deployment in Germany in late 2007. I worked in the hospital in Landstuhl that cares for all the wounded. I held so many hands and heard so many stories. I felt guilty I couldn't do more. Seeing numerous purple hearts givin out didn't help either. I have allways been a negative stressed out kinda person but that got worse after i got home, weird thing is it didn't start right away...post deployment questionnaire revealed I was having problems. April 08 I started get counseling and got on meds. Jan 09 my life crashed when my hubby told me he didn't want to be together any more. I held a loaded gun to my head and wondered why me, I hate my life...I looked up and seen my counselors number on my desk. I truly believe that was a sign from god, i just didn't realize it at the time.That was the 1st time I went in the hosp. Had a set back in Aug and had to go back in. Also did a 30 day in patient program back in Feb.that teaches life skills etc. Went on a motorcycling ride late Aug. and went to the sunday service put on by the christian motorcycling Assn. Chaplin. He said anyone that want to stay after and talk could. I did and told him I was having troubles coming back from my deployment and described things to him. He didn't know me and nailed it right on the head when he said I wonder if I did enough. The whole time I am crying holding onto him. This guy is like 6 ft 3 about 250 or so, a big teddy
bear. No wonder his nick name is moose!!! I felt more than just his arms around me, it was god's also. That was the "sign" that finally woke me up. I got a nice little church I go to and I feel my life is grounded now. Now all I need to do is this program and get the depression/ anxiety monkey off my back. God bless you all and have a good day. Hope I didn't ramble too much. I tried to shorten it as much as I could : )
bear. No wonder his nick name is moose!!! I felt more than just his arms around me, it was god's also. That was the "sign" that finally woke me up. I got a nice little church I go to and I feel my life is grounded now. Now all I need to do is this program and get the depression/ anxiety monkey off my back. God bless you all and have a good day. Hope I didn't ramble too much. I tried to shorten it as much as I could : )
