Hi Lucy
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling at night. It is a very difficult, upsetting and confusing thing to go thru. There have been many a night that I have had little sleep or woken up in the middle of the night, and often by something I had dreamed about, and it is hard to go back to sleep after that. Based on my own experience, I would first ask u how do u sleep in general? Do u fall asleep quickly or does it take a long time; do u often wake up in the middle of the night, and then have trouble getting back to sleep, or wake up way too early and cant sleep anymore? All of these can be caused by depression and exp anxiety and excessive worrying about things.
I dont know what sort of crazy things u dream about but I have had some pretty wicked, crazy, weird or upsetting ones. I'm not sure I would call them terrors or nightmares, altho some definitly are, but they r disturbing none the less. You are not alone with this and u r not crazy or possessed. These dreams I have had are often manifestations of stupid or bad or negative thoughts I have had before going to bed, so it is not surprising, after the fact, that I had those types of dreams. Some were so upsetting I woke up in tears, with my heart pounding. Some seemed so real it was hard to determine what was real as I woke up. Some of these were while I was on meds, a lot not. One common thread with most of these was the level of fatigue and stress/anxiety/depression I was feeling. When I was suped tired, the worse and wierder they got. Some were more like mini-hallucinations. It has been quite a while since I dreamed nice, happy or 'normal' dreams, and that is a sign of what is going on inside my head during waking hours.
It is fine to be saying these things. By writing it or letting it out, it can help demystify it and u can get help and support from other sufferers, as that is why we come to these forums and this site. Never be afraid or ashamed to reveal ur thoughts and feelings on here. It helps u to relieve them, and can help others to realize they r not alone. One thing I have learned thru my sleep/dream struggles is that the less u sleep, and more tired u r, the easier it is for u to have weird dreams, visualizations, or even mild semi-conscious hallucinations. When those happen, I know how really tired I am then. Those r a big sign. The brain, just like the body, needs time and rest/sleep to recover and replenish itself after a hard day. It needs to be able to full shut off to get a restful sleep. When it is deprived of rest and a full, deep sleep, which includes good rem sleep, it plays funny tricks on us. Our brain function - memory, alertness, quickness, etc. - all diminish with less and less sleep.
Are there things u can do before going to bed to help u sleep more? Any relaxation techniques - the program cd, easy reading, gentle music, meditation, even prayers - can all help u sleep better if done on a regular basis, either just before bed and also during the day. Also exercise can be beneficial, as long as u dont do it too close to (not within 3 hours of) bedtime. Your diet and when u eat will also have an impact, as eating too close to bed and especially consuming caffeine will affect ur ability to sleep well. One last thing is it is important to let ur brain wind down in the evening prior to bed. As hard as it may be to do, staying away from anything stimulating to the brain like tv, phone or the computer, is also important. Even if u r tired and r able to fall asleep without much delay, ur brain function remains on 'awake' for quite a long time after using or watching electronic devices, so it is not getting teh deep sleep it needs. There r other more stimulating things u can do before or at bedtime that can actually help u go to sleep and stay asleep longer, but its been so long for me I kinda forget what they are
I hope some of this is of some help to you. I hope by perhaps changing a few things in the evening, esp at bedtime and ur bedtime routine, can allow u to get better sleep, and thereby reduce or eliminate the sleep and dream difficulties u experience. Also try changing ur thoughts just before u go to sleep, whether it be thru prayer (try the serenity prayer over and over again as u fall asleep) or pleasant visualizations or just realizing the things u r grateful for and blessed by every day. Best of luck with it. Please let me know how things go. Mark