Stress Center Peer Support

I do not understand this.
I suffered with severe panic disorder for three years..my life was so horrible and I was in so much pain all of the time..but I felt God in my life. I loved Him and I read His Word all the time. I was deeply spiritual.
Now that I'm "cured" and my life is so much better I don't feel Him anymore. I go to church every Sunday and even on weekdays since I'm on the church choir but I fell like I'm just doing it as an obligation.
As much as I want to I don't feel like I love Him anymore.
Why??
I feel so guilty!!

Hi,
I noticed while doing the program that I did focus more on my self and getting well!!! I think I strayed away from God quite a bit for that first and second year of my life, as I was enjoying my new found freedom!!!

Satan really did a job on me during this time in my life!!! Since, I had learned how to talk myself out of thinking so negative, then, I found that I drifted farther away from God!!!

I was soooo busy out doing my own thing, that I did not put HIM first in my life!!! In fact, I was sooo busy enjoying my life, that I barely even thought of our Lord and Savior!!!

I never did stop loving HIM though!!! I still loved HIM with all of my heart, but I was not following HIM, nor finding time for HIM!!!

Satan would actually put "negative thoughts" into my mind about our little Spiritual Church!!! He would say things..like they must have some emotional disorder...I knew better, but Satan was really trying his best to discourage me from serving our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!!!

God knew how to get my attention, though and that is exactly what He did!!! The next year, my hubby and I lost so many loved ones, that we basically lived at the funeral home that year!!!

On top of all of that, my daughter became seriously (life-threateningly) ill with her heart!!! I felt a deep stirring inside of my soul!!! I knew that God was allowing all of these things to happen to get my attention!!! I knew it with every thing that was in me!!!

I repented and made a vow to God that if He would heal my daughter that I would get myself back into Church and do what He wanted me to do!!!

Praise Be to God, I began attending church and I was very humbled by all the things which had been happening!!! The Good Lord healed my daughter's heart disease and now I feel like I am back where I used to be with my God before beginning the program!!!

I am sooooo very thankful that God got my attention because I love walking with my God!!!

He knows me personally and He knew exactly what it would take to get me back on track!!!

Don't get me wrong, I never got out and drunk and carried on like an idiot!!! I just had clean fun, but I was leaving the One who died for me totally out of the picture!!!

Now, that I look back on those days, I am sooooo very thankful that he allowed these things to happen to bring me back into fellowship with Him and my brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus!!!

I pray that this helped you to understand what is going on here!!! We can become so "entangled with the cares of this life" that we lose our humble like faith and God loves a "contrite" Spirit!!!

I have grown soooo very much in the love and knowledge of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and I know that He is soooo faithful to go out and get us when we find ourselves straying away from HIM!!!

He sure knows how to get our undivided attention!!! That is why He is our very own "Personal Savior"...He knows exactly how to work and no man can hinder HIS work!!!

I pray this little posting helped you in some way!!! God Bless You Dearly is My Prayer For You!!!

Princess,
I liked your question and that you shared your honest feelings. I know for me my relationship with God before I got help for my depression was one based on Fear and always Needing desperatly for God to have my back and hold me or comfort me or strengthen me. It was all about me getting something from Him to function. A lot like maybe helping a little child to walk ya know? But when I got better I realized my relationship with God wasn't so panicky and urgent and in this "save me save me" mode. It took a completely different turn. It became a relationship of awe and wonder and thankfulness and learning to see the Goodness of God in the little things I took for granted before .Like any relationship, you have seasons of growth or stillness or maybe even dry spells but you keep on as part of that commitment.And as part of your faith. I too wish sometimes I had those emotionally close times like before. But you know I do have them. They are just different, its more like I can sense the peace of God or the calm quiet strength and he is showing me how he is working in our lives and in the lives of our loved ones even if we can't always see it. Feelings always follow Faith, If we think we will just have faith when the feeling comes back, we will be waiting a long time haha. Faith has to come first. And it will and when it does it will be richer and bless your socks off.Sometimes when I wish I could just sit and talk to Jesus on the phone and hear his audible voice I will read the red letters in my bible, the words actually spoken by the Lord, and I always get so blessed. Just like with Elijah , sometimes we hear him in the whisper and stillness. Take heart though, we all go thru those times and its okay. I think because you are better now its just a different kind of relationship. Be sure to thank Him for your healing and having a grateful heart too and I bet you will see and feel that difference
Take care
Jill~

Maybe because you have a better handle on your emotions that you don't have to feel anything, just knowing that He's there is enough. There are days that I feel things, and days that I don't. You'll see the psalmists praying for those feelings all the time, so rest assured that believers as well as Christians throughout history went through the same thing. I also notice that when I'm feeling out of control and desperate about things I feel strongly about everything, and when I'm feeling more in control and don't take in things as deeply and seriously I don't have those feelings. You are very normal as long as you aren't out of faith you are fine.

Hi Princess,

I noticed you wrote this a couple of weeks ago and wanted to see how you were feeling.

Also to let you know that we are all less than perfect. We all come up short in the glory of God - nobody is going to feel the same way all the time.

We all have our struggles and challenges, and we all seek God in different ways, and have relationships with our Creator in different ways. There isn't one way, because God created us all so differently.

And even the people we think are the most consistent and greatest believers, have challenges with the way they see their relationship with God.

So what you are going through in your Christian walk is normal! And it's okay.

Blessings to you!

Princess:
I, too, feel that you are okay and need not worry about your salvation or your walk with Christ.
Or your dedication.
I don't believe that our devotion to the Lord can be measured by 'feelings'.
As you have probably observed in your emotional life, feelings can be very fickle. They can come and go.
You are doing those things needed and your feelings will return.
You probably just went thru' some depression.
It happens.
You'll be finel
My best to you.
MJ

Jillzmind, I think you really explained this one. He was holding my hand when I went through my darkest days and that's why I always felt His presence, now that things are getting better and I am starting to walk on my own strength - He seems more remote. I guess it would be selfish and wrong to expect that feeling to last forever. Thank you that gave me so much peace..

Robin
I am glad I could help in anyway. When you said he was holding your hand I was thinking of a Daddy holding up the bike as his child is learning without the training wheels and then he eventually lets go when you get the balance figured out. But you know what? Daddy is still right there running or walking along side, and sometimes standing in the driveway waving "hello" to us with a big smile on his face, full of pride for us as we grow and learn to do it ourselves but he is NEVER out of site or reach to just call out "daddy help me" and he does . Take care ,
Jill~