Having trouble letting go and moving forward

[BetterLife2011]

Hi everyone! I am new. I am asking for prayer and encouragement. I recently got out of an abusive relationship. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have no doubt that God told me to get out. I thought that I would have instant relief once I got away, but it has not been that way for me. I can't eat or sleep. My hands shake all the time. I am really caught off guard by all the sadness. I can't seem to stop thinking of him. I know that God has better things in store for me, and I made a positive step by leaving, but I am having trouble letting go. My heart is so broken.

Thanks for listening.

[PrayingForMyBabyGirl]

Im sorry you are having so much trouble. When i was 17 i was in an abusive relationship too, the guy was way older than me and turned out he was cheating on me after we found out i was pregnant. I was the same way heartbroken, depressed, overwelmed i sobbed out loud like you see in the movies.
I came out of all of it and i THANK GOD he told me to get out of that relationship because the guy is in prison now for molesting and raping his step daughter (my poor son) and i have found the perfect man for me. It will get better you have to mourn the relationship for awhile and thats ok. You will come out better and stronger in the end. Good luck to you!! And be so proud of yourself for being strong enough to get out!

[NeverQuit]

I just want to congratulate you for taking that step of faith! Even when it is blatantly obvious to us that a relationship needs to end, it still takes a certain amount of courage and determination and FAITH to take that step!! I recently ended a relationship that was not healthy for either of us and that was incredibly difficult for me to do, but like you both, I knew God was calling me out of it. My anxiety wants me to continue to hold onto him and to continue to try and rationalize everything and doubt the breaking up, whether I should have done it, because we have to remember - as people with anxiety, we cannot STAND change!! But thank God that He is there to help us take these steps of faith and help us through it!!!

Give yourself time, these things take a lot of time. Part of the reason that God calls us out of relationships is also to be able to work on things in ourselves that got us in these unhealthy places. As people with anxiety we are dealing with insecurities that NEED to be delt with, and God will not rest until He has worked these things out in us!! He is a faithful Father Who wants the VERY BEST for His daughters, even if it means a temporary hurt!! REJOICE that God has brought you out of this place and know that He desires and HAS only the very BEST in mind for you!!

Get focused on yourself, on the hobbies and people that you enjoy, on the talents and many gifts that He has blessed you with. Get in His Word!! And do the program.

Prayingformybabygirl has a great story to share with you, hold on to stories like that about God working in other people's lives!!

This is actually a great topic for me to read today because I am still struggling with letting the guy go in my situation, and sometimes helping others is the best way to help yourself!!

God bless and I WILL be praying for you.

[Paisleegreen]

Hi, You have had two wonderful postings to help you. Excellent advice! I hope things get better for you. Paislee

[BetterLife2011]

Thank you for the kind words of encouragemennt. I am getting stronger every day.

Blessings,
BetterLife

[couldntstay]

Hello.... I am a 40 yr old male who finally ended a 20 abusive relationship. Every time I've attempted to get out... She would call me within a week or a month. During these gaps I would start to break away and get on the road to getting healthy. She would call and within days it was back to the way it was. All the promises of doing thing different and how different it would be were gone. I was shut out and felt like I was put on hold waiting for her to say when we could see eachother. I was told over and over how she liked me when I was happy and funny. I was always scared when Tue bottom would drop out and I would be shut out completely.
I have blocked her in the past... Changed my number only to give in to my empty feeling without her. I have had glimpses of hope with others but could that I felt guilty for moving on. Now I'm here at another break up feeling miserable and wondering if being a slave to the misery with her is better than being without her. I can't eat sleep focus.

[NeverQuit]

Hi couldntstay,

How far are you into the program? I know that when I listened to the session devoted to the Courage to Change, I felt like it was speaking to me and my anxiety about moving on from the relationship. If you are spiritual, I encourage you to take the step of faith in trusting God and step out on the water! Sometimes it's a leap of faith that needs to be taken, a letting go, the decision to trust God even when we don't know where we are going or how we are going to do it. I knew in my spirit that the relationship I was in was not where I was supposed to be. It took me a while to come to that realization, but God gently yet firmly made it clear to me. We need to realize that life is ABOUT change and growing and TAKING RISKS! Even when we KNOW the right decision, it STILL takes faith and courage to do it. Be proud of yourself for just being able to see that this is not a healthy place for you to be, and give yourself the grace to have a tough time and to feel anxious because of stepping out, but don't shy away and believe the lies. "What if I never find someone else?" "What if I feel alone?" "What if I regret the decision?' Believe me, we've all been there. But you will feel better about yourself for taking that step of faith, for doing what you know in your core is right, than if you had stayed in that position and continued to believe the lies that YOU can't handle it. You CAN handle this.

We need to learn to value ourselves so that we can stand up for ourselves and be our own best friends!!
I'll be praying for you!

[missannie33]

Hi, I am new to the program and yet after reading these stories I feel like we are all kindred spirits. I was in an abusive relationship for 20 years and finally left. My counsellors all told me that they could not help me if I wouldn't leave my husband. I did and now have as much anxiety and depression as when I was with him. I am in a new relationship that probably is no better. The guy I am seeing now has told me that he wants to see where things go, but we don't talk or text. He treats me like a friend or aquaintance. He does however still want a physical relationship. I have been having a very hard time because I want a real realationship and am afraid like everyone else. He can't love me. I feel afraid to try with someone new. What if they think I am crazy or unloveable, childish etc...... I want to find the courage to tell him that I cannot be in this relationship because it is unhealthy for me. I can't eat, sleep, work, focus.
So all my blessings and support to all of you. May god give us all the courage we lack.

I repeat this phrase to myself daily. It is from the bible. "As long as you have faith, nothing shall be impossible for you"

[NeverQuit]

One thing that God has been showing me is the importance of trusting Him...When we fall back into our habits of anxiety, we begin to question ourselves and whether God can really take care of us, but God is just asking us to take that step of faith and DO THE NEXT THING. I think that is so huge for me, anxiety has us in such a state of believing the lies of FEAR instead of FAITH, and we need to consciously choose FAITH over fear. Although I am not in a relationship and want to get married some day, and even though many of my friends are in relationships, I am going to wait for God's timing for me, and trust His promise that, just like you said missannie33, NOTHING is impossible for Him. He is able to meet me right where I am at TODAY. And He is my loving Father Who knows exactly what I need before I even ask (Matthew 6:8). If He HAS called me to a life of singleness, I can trust that He will make that the most fulfilling life that I could ever imagine because HE is with me, and He is able to "meet all of your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19).
I'll be praying for you!

[KAMO]

Just be sure you put God first, not your abuser. I have an abusive father, although it's emotional, not physical and I am trying to gain control of my life and not let my father control me. A great book to read is by Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity. All of us that are dealing with panic and anxiety are insecure and this book helps.