I feel like I am hanging on for dear life. The church that I attend has every one on a fast that started yesterday and this is the first time in my life that i have been on a fast because when i was in the miltary, the churches I attended never was under a fast before so I am trying really hard to stick to it even though its only day 2. Lol! I am suppose to be taken my anxiety medication, but because the fast that we are on is so restrictive, i am a litle afraid to put it on my stomach because of the type of foods we have to avoid. I really need to take it now that i am not in college now. I couldn't take it while i was in college because of the late study nights and assignments due because they would have slowed me down. But I am going through so much right now. I want to finish school but all I have are people around me that put me down and say that i can't do it. Those people involve my parents and siblings. THey keep saying that i am lying to myself. I don't believe that and I believe that they are jealous because my parents gave birth to my older sister when they were 18 and my older sister repeated their actions. I just believed that they are so lazy to the point that they don't want to try. I also believe that because we come from a place where there is so much pride, I feel like my parents never wanted to be parents in the first place. My dad cheats on my mom, she doesn't care about it anymore, he never cared about waht we go through and what we deal with. My younger sister just up and left home for D.C. and never told anyone what type of job she is doing and who she is staying with. My parents aren't concerned about anything that goes on with us. Growing up and going through high school i was always jealous of my friends and I still am. Their parents worked hard to make a living for their families and my parents don't do anything and its like my dad has the attitude that he still carries around with him that he doesn't want to help or do anything for us. My so called friends that i had, their parents were able to give them money to help them with a down payment, buy them their first car when they graduated from college, or help support them while they were trying to achieve a master's degree. When I graduated from high school, my dad turned into a full fledged jerk and he still is that way. I live at home with them and i stay away fromt he house all day long because i can't stand being around them simply because their marriage is fake. and they know it but wil not get a divorce for whatever reason. I am praying that God's will be done and i can get a job and move again because i can't take it anymore. They speak to us like we are stupid and we are not entitled to our opinion. IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE CHILDEREN YOU SHOULD HAVE USED PROTECTIVE MEASURES! I just don't like it how they make us feel that way especially my father when the bible says that the husband is the God head. Because of this, I have no desire to get married at all?
You all have to excuse me but this is like therapy for me. It does me no good to write this down, because really i need clarification when it comes to things because i come from a family where my parents were just big uninvolved parents and they don't care about anything.
Help
Re: Help
Also, i have fake friends who all of a sudden think its ok to call me names very slickly and I have told them off and I don't contact them anymore except for one and i stil don't know about that one either, so i am praying for new friends as I continue this painful and aweful journey of life (that is alll its been for me).
Re: Help
Dear Now26,
I wish I had seen your post earlier, so that I could have tried to help sooner. You are the age I was when I first moved to Arizona from Ohio to get away from my parents and siblings. I was never in the military, and I am female and now much older; but our family backgrounds are similar in many ways, and I don't want you to define yourself by that, as I did for many years. Don't waste your life being concerned about what mistakes your parents have made and are making or what you may feel guilty about doing or thinking because of them. When I was 26 I took my income tax refund, bought a one-way ticket and traveled by air to Phoenix with two children, nine suitcases and $500 to my name, not knowing where we would live or where I would get a job. But I had an apartment (albeit unfurnished) and a job in three days and never looked back, except for wasting my time repeating the same mistakes I had made in Ohio. So, look for ANY opportunity to get out of your parents' home and make a life for YOU! I know how hard it is to look around and see how much easier your peers seem to have had things, but one thing I've learned over the years is that things are never what they appear to be from the outside looking in. We never know what hurts and fears others are trying to hide and often do a good job of it. But their putting you down is nothing but a sign of their own insecurities. Hurt and pain are usually expressed as anger, and people don't even know what they are angry about most of the time; they are just lashing out to mask their fears and insecurities.
We each have a life-plan made by God and altered by our free agency, the good or bad or neutral choices we make. Right now, I hope you are EATING. Fasting for a spiritual purpose is wonderful, but NOT when we are sick or have weakened immune systems, which you do when you are under so much stress. The medication is more important than fasting. The Lord understands, believe me.
Stick to your goal of finishing school, regardless of the taped negative messages in your head. You WILL succeed if you do it for you and your God and no one else (except the benefits it will bring to a future family--you will have one and you will be a MUCH better parent than yours). I know I was. I wound up a single mother who raised three children alone, and though it was very hard, even back in the seventies and eighties, it could have been easier if I had lightened up on myself and stopped trying to control everything around me out of fear of failure. Your so-called friends who have had everything handed to them will never be as strong or as successful as you will be, if you become your own best friend. The husband IS supposed to be the Godly head of the home, and when your time comes , so will you be. Just concentrate of getting through school, taking your meds--God will give you the energy you need to get through it if you trust in HIm 100%. He is LOVE and He LOVES YOU! One day we will see that all our trials were really blessings in disguise meant to test our faith and to strengthen us to be able to help others who are experiencing trials as well.
Do not apologize for venting. That's what we are on these boards for, to vent and to listen to the stories of others. There are always going to be people better off than you and many, if you really pay attention, much worse off. Pray for them and yourself, especially the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference. That says and does it all, believe me. HE is in control. Keep reminding yourself of that (I do it every time I look at the picture of Christ hanging on my wall). You cannot change your family of origin any more than I or anyone else could. But don't let them use and abuse you either. They don't have that right, so stay away as much as possible and just pray for them to see the light some day.
May you learn to take one day, or even one minute at a time, and may you have a VERY bright future!
Kathie
I wish I had seen your post earlier, so that I could have tried to help sooner. You are the age I was when I first moved to Arizona from Ohio to get away from my parents and siblings. I was never in the military, and I am female and now much older; but our family backgrounds are similar in many ways, and I don't want you to define yourself by that, as I did for many years. Don't waste your life being concerned about what mistakes your parents have made and are making or what you may feel guilty about doing or thinking because of them. When I was 26 I took my income tax refund, bought a one-way ticket and traveled by air to Phoenix with two children, nine suitcases and $500 to my name, not knowing where we would live or where I would get a job. But I had an apartment (albeit unfurnished) and a job in three days and never looked back, except for wasting my time repeating the same mistakes I had made in Ohio. So, look for ANY opportunity to get out of your parents' home and make a life for YOU! I know how hard it is to look around and see how much easier your peers seem to have had things, but one thing I've learned over the years is that things are never what they appear to be from the outside looking in. We never know what hurts and fears others are trying to hide and often do a good job of it. But their putting you down is nothing but a sign of their own insecurities. Hurt and pain are usually expressed as anger, and people don't even know what they are angry about most of the time; they are just lashing out to mask their fears and insecurities.
We each have a life-plan made by God and altered by our free agency, the good or bad or neutral choices we make. Right now, I hope you are EATING. Fasting for a spiritual purpose is wonderful, but NOT when we are sick or have weakened immune systems, which you do when you are under so much stress. The medication is more important than fasting. The Lord understands, believe me.
Stick to your goal of finishing school, regardless of the taped negative messages in your head. You WILL succeed if you do it for you and your God and no one else (except the benefits it will bring to a future family--you will have one and you will be a MUCH better parent than yours). I know I was. I wound up a single mother who raised three children alone, and though it was very hard, even back in the seventies and eighties, it could have been easier if I had lightened up on myself and stopped trying to control everything around me out of fear of failure. Your so-called friends who have had everything handed to them will never be as strong or as successful as you will be, if you become your own best friend. The husband IS supposed to be the Godly head of the home, and when your time comes , so will you be. Just concentrate of getting through school, taking your meds--God will give you the energy you need to get through it if you trust in HIm 100%. He is LOVE and He LOVES YOU! One day we will see that all our trials were really blessings in disguise meant to test our faith and to strengthen us to be able to help others who are experiencing trials as well.
Do not apologize for venting. That's what we are on these boards for, to vent and to listen to the stories of others. There are always going to be people better off than you and many, if you really pay attention, much worse off. Pray for them and yourself, especially the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference. That says and does it all, believe me. HE is in control. Keep reminding yourself of that (I do it every time I look at the picture of Christ hanging on my wall). You cannot change your family of origin any more than I or anyone else could. But don't let them use and abuse you either. They don't have that right, so stay away as much as possible and just pray for them to see the light some day.
May you learn to take one day, or even one minute at a time, and may you have a VERY bright future!
Kathie