Self-Esteem

The spiritual response to anxiety and depression
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NeverQuit
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:22 pm

Self-Esteem

Post by NeverQuit » Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:36 pm

I need prayer for continued growth in my personal self-esteem. I ended a bad relationship a little over a month ago and I am still struggling with letting the guy go, I know that it's what God is calling me to do, but it is so hard. I know that I am doing good, I know I am strong, it's just I am so sick of thinking about him and dreaming about him and just feeling like I have to talk to him and make some kind of connection. I know it will never be enough and that the fact that I want to hang on to him so much, when it WASN'T what was best for me, shows that I am just looking for a distraction, some kind of instant self-esteem boost like you get from a relationship. I do want to be friends with him, but I feel like that's not completely possible at this point. I did get together with him recently with some friends but it left me feeling a bit down.

I just need prayer and I need encouragement to continue working on my skills!! I know that I am looking for a quick fix and that God is calling me to much more, that He has a purpose for me! My anxiety is NOT going to be fixed by any "person," but only by God and me relying on Him and putting into practice all that He is teaching me. It's just hard.

Kathie C.
Posts: 33
Joined: Tue Mar 09, 2010 8:57 pm

Re: Self-Esteem

Post by Kathie C. » Tue Jun 21, 2011 11:47 pm

Dear Never-Quit (Great name--keep living up to it),

God changes people and God changes things. Many things we have no control over and must learn to leave them in His hands. The best prayer for me has been the Serenity Prayer: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, AND the wisdom to know the difference." And always begin and end every prayer with gratitude to God for your blessings. Those blessings are often overlooked if we don't make a special effort to find something to be thankful for with every prayer. The more gratitude I express, the more the Lord helps me through another day. Hang in there--you are precious in His sight!
Kathie

NeverQuit
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:22 pm

Re: Self-Esteem

Post by NeverQuit » Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:59 pm

Thank you Kathie for the encouraging words! I love that prayer, it's so awesome.

jovohng
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:02 pm

Re: Self-Esteem

Post by jovohng » Fri Jul 08, 2011 12:19 am

NeverQuit wrote:I need prayer for continued growth in my personal self-esteem. I ended a bad relationship a little over a month ago and I am still struggling with letting the guy go, I know that it's what God is calling me to do, but it is so hard. I know that I am doing good, I know I am strong, it's just I am so sick of thinking about him and dreaming about him and just feeling like I have to talk to him and make some kind of connection. I know it will never be enough and that the fact that I want to hang on to him so much, when it WASN'T what was best for me, shows that I am just looking for a distraction, some kind of instant self-esteem boost like you get from a relationship. I do want to be friends with him, but I feel like that's not completely possible at this point. I did get together with him recently with some friends but it left me feeling a bit down.

I just need prayer and I need encouragement to continue working on my skills!! I know that I am looking for a quick fix and that God is calling me to much more, that He has a purpose for me! My anxiety is NOT going to be fixed by any "person," but only by God and me relying on Him and putting into practice all that He is teaching me. It's just hard.
hi NQ,

i agree with kathie's awesome advice....that we should be thankful in our prayers (i kno i need to practice the same thing. lol) But we should do that not only to show our appreciation for our Creator but also because it helps keeps us as imperfect anxiety-bound humans in a more hopeful and positive state of mind. We begin to keep ourselves in reality for the things that we do have and realize life isnt what we are making it out to be...and i personally have found it easier to cope and deal with life on a day to day basis when i think that way.(im still developing my relationship btw lol...im jus speaking from personal experience buti dnt have some great relationship w/God yet but im working hard on it lol) We can get so caught up in the things that affect us that we tend to forget about the things in our lyfe in the present moment and that evrything will be okay and IS okay despite what how our brains try to fool us lol...thats jus part of our imperfections and God knows that. In addition, when we lean on God in the most difficult times (when we tend to forget or dont really want to i.e. being stubborn lol) and we come out of the situation and evrything turned out fine...we feel great! and not onli because we have a clear conscious but we feel a deeper relationship with God! and u can find inner joy in that. and that could be a possible personal reason to continue to make effort to lean upon Him. So be patient with urself. im not sure how long u were with the person or how serious you were but it was only a month ago...thats not realli that long ago if u think about it so ov course u feel those feelings that u have...God is patient right? So practice being patient with urself...in Matt 6:33 it says "keep on, then, seeking first the kingdom and his righteousness and all these other things will be added to you"....keep doing that and WHATEVA ur seeking he will grant u lol...in addittion to praying for gratitude i suggest try to pray for long suffering. (Gal 5:22) pray for the power and strength to deal through these difficult feelings because YOU are absolutely right..IT IS HARD lol....especially living in the times that we are living in...but don't let that discourage you...you have more power than you think :) ...AND he wants you to draw close to him and he wants you to keep up the good work...jus by u expressing your feelings and lookin for encouragement and recognizing ur spiritual need (matt 5:3)...im %100 positive that brings joy to His heart. so do lik ur name says and never quit. i personally am using this program to help me draw closer to Him...i didnt realize how much anxiety stress and depression was preventing me from having a closer relationship wih Him...oh and ask urself this...the reason why u keep thinking about ur ex...is it because ur afraid of letting go wat u had or the dream of wat u hoped u couldve had?...maybe ur simply missing the "idea" of him and the "idea" of love and the "idea" of the relationship and not ACTUALLY him...if that makes sense?...mayb not?...idk anything...im jus offering suggestions lol...but continue to work on urself and love God...worry about how He feels about u...so that u can learn how to feel about urself...its not about how we feel because we get hard on ourselves lol...and ill be praying for you 2!
-jovohn

twthoma40
Posts: 8
Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2011 5:04 pm

Re: Self-Esteem

Post by twthoma40 » Fri Jul 08, 2011 6:20 pm

NeverQuit - I can not offer much about your situation but I can relate. I have recently had to let a good friend go because her self esteem was so low she had to see more than one person at a time. I hate doing it because sometimes she is the only person I have been intimate with for some time since I am dealing with anxiety and depression - we tend to not let to many people into our hearts. I know that there is a solution and better people out there for me - but I also understand your thoughts in your post. I was reading a book about love addiction and co dependency that helped me realize why I feel some of the loneliness and need to be with someone - even though they may not be the person God intends me to be with, or even good for me. I am only realizing I had many of those tendencies to be addicted to someone. I have been trying to be addicted to myself - which is hard when dealing with anxiety again because self esteem is so low. But I am praying and trying to believe that I have to be in love with myself and happy with myself before I find the other person that will complete me. I hope there is someone out there by the time I figure myself out. LOL. I wish you the best. Don't Quit. You have taken the right step, keep stepping! Tim

NeverQuit
Posts: 162
Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:22 pm

Re: Self-Esteem

Post by NeverQuit » Mon Jul 11, 2011 9:01 pm

Thank you so much guys for your thoughts!!

It's funny that you would post here because I feel like I am riding another wave of anxiety with this, I guess it is a matter of being patient with myself, I have definitely realized recently what you're saying jovohn, about needing to be patient with myself. I want to be, it is so hard for me! I have had experiences too where I can look back and say, "God was definitely working in that situation and working things out, I only wish I had rested in that during the process." I know I am going to look back on this and think the same thing. And your points about maybe missing more what the relationship represented than the relationship itself is very true. This guy was a really good friend of mine for a while, and it developed into a relationship. So I think to some degree I do just miss the friendship, but also, I know that there is part of me that misses that special emotional connection that comes from a relationship, an exclusive relationship between me and him. But like you said, I KNOW in my gut that it WASN'T going anywhere positive, and that God called me out of it and actually DELIVERED me from something that was bad for me! It wasn't "abusive," but it definitely wasn't healthy or right to continue it, for either of us.

And Tim, what you're saying about the co-dependency I can definitely relate to, that need to build our own self-esteem and self-value in our own eyes! And just like Lucinda says, learning these skills will help us to be better brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, spouses, etc. some day. I am trusting God that He will supply everything that I need. I am a people person, it's hard for me to imagine being without a spouse the rest of my life, but I know that He promises to meet all my needs and that He is sufficient for all things.
But I am praying and trying to believe that I have to be in love with myself and happy with myself before I find the other person that will complete me. I hope there is someone out there by the time I figure myself out. LOL. I wish you the best. Don't Quit. You have taken the right step, keep stepping! Tim
I heartily agree, and thank you for the encouraging words!!!! You guys are awesome!! God's good. This is all exactly what I needed to read today.

glass2cat
Posts: 1
Joined: Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:42 am

Re: Self-Esteem

Post by glass2cat » Mon Jul 11, 2011 10:39 pm

I know the responses were meant for "neverquit" but they were all exactly what I needed to hear today as my situation is similar so I just wanted to say THANK YOU! You have all made me feel much better tonight. I prayed to God to help as I was looking on this peer support page & He led me to read this. God is Good!

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