Stress Center Peer Support

Hi, all! I usually don't do this publicly because I feel strongly that my spiritual life is a private affair. However, I am reaching the end of the rope and finding it really hard to hang on. Here is my situation. Forgive me if the post is a little long.

I live with parents. My mom is 51 and my dad is 62. Recently, my dad retired. He was a truck driver (owner/operator) and retired mostly because the cost of diesel was killing any income that he made. It actually cost him more to work than the income he would bring in. He retired and now receives some Social Security each month. My mom does not work right now. She is in nursing school, working on becoming a LPN. She has two more quarters to go after this one wraps up. It's impossible for her to work and go to school at the same time. The workload she has as a nursing student is huge, and she would not be able to do both. None of this was a problem a few months ago because they had received an insurance settlement when the mobile home they own next door caught on fire. They were able to pay off that loan and still have money to live on (they thought for the duration of the year she was in school). A month ago, the money ran out, and my brother (who was also living here with his pregnant girlfriend at the time) and I were told that we would need to help out by paying the utilities as the SSI would barely cover the mortgage and the truck payment. Not a problem. I live here, too, and should help out with expenses. I have always contributed a bunch of grocery money, but my parents have never asked me to pay rent or any other expense.

My brother has since moved out due to our family not being able to deal with the toxic relationship he has with his girlfriend. So that means that all of the utilities and groceries fall to me. I only make 26,000 a year, which barely covers my own bills. (I have some credit card debt that I was trying to pay down but have now since had to put on hold due to my new financial responsibilities.) My brother is also financially irresponsible. All of our car insurance is connected to my parent's account, so if he doesn't have the money to pay his car insurance each month, then I have to pay it because not doing so would cause all of us to lose our insurance. My mom and I also share a cell phone bill with him. I already pay my mom's portion, but if he doesn't have the money to pay his, I have to pay it because if it's not paid, then all of our phones get turned off. (I plan to pull my number from this account in November when my contract is up and go on my own. He's not going to like it but too bad. My mom plans to do the same when her contract is up.) So, I have to pay some of his bills, too. And he's not the best at paying me back. As an aside, his car is also in my parents' name, and he consistently runs almost three months behind, ruining what little credit they did have. Ugh. Can we just say that he is a problem?!?

My dad has been trying to get a job, but because of his age and health status, it has been difficult for him. Both of my parents are riddled with anxiety and depression and are on meds, but they are in a bad spot right now and don't have the coping skills to help them. I have encouraged them to seek out help (there are very affordable sliding fee scale counseling centers here they would qualify for) but to no avail.

I have had to drop out of my masters program because of the stress of my already existing anxiety and OCD and depression until I get a handle on it. Now, I don't know when I will get to return. This new financial stress has me very worried and very scared. I am contemplating working a second part-time job to make ends meet, but am concerned that this will also increase my stress level as I will be more tired. And I am already very tired.

The reason I am telling you all of this is because I need prayer. I pray that God will send me someone to help me or show me a better way. I pray that God will give me even more strength (trust me I already have a ton of it) to help me get through this. So, please pray for me and my family. This is a very stressful situation that is starting to make me physically sick, and I need some help!

Thank you very much for all of you who pray for me.

Genie

I'm just in my first week & don't at this point have anything to offer you but prayers - that I can do. Please hang in there, Genie and remember to be kind to yourself - you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers throughout the day.

Ann

Genie,

I am sorry you are having a rough time. This is only a season, your mom will be out of the program soon.

As far as your brother, I would cancel his insurance and tell him to get his own. (Well, you might not be able to do that, or want to do that since the car is in your parents name.) Can he apply for a loan to move it into his name? If he can't and continues to pay late on the car, I would re-possess it, just as a lender would, and sell it and pay the note off, and let him get his own car. Sounds like you are already going that route with the cells. I know this is a hard time for you....but this too shall pass.

Hang in there and possibly look into places in your area that offer financial support. Go talk to someone at a local church. They will probably know where to send you for help.

Thanks a bunch, guys! I appreciate your feedback and your prayers!

Genie

Genie,

I'm praying for the Lord to bring help, and aide into your life RIGHT NOW. It WILL work out, because God truly is concerned about EVERY piddly detail of our lives. Trust Him, I've had him both open doors, and shut them in a way that lead me where I was supposed to be.

God Bless

FreeToBeGG - re: your parents and therapy. There should be a "one-stop-shop" kind of set up in your state for Senior Citizen services - it'll be a State agency, not just hte AARP. (The State may contract out to AARP to perform some or all of the work, but the federal gov't has made it a requirement that states offer streamlined services / contacts for senior services).

One service that should be available is a home visit for an assessment - AND - free counseling for seniors.

Perhaps if a social worker paid a visit to your parents at home, discussed with them options, helped them prioritize problems and link them to solutions -- perhaps this w ill help your parents. All too often, people (particularly of the older generation - who still hold the good old American values of self-sufficiency and handling anything) don't want to ask for help - or they don't know how. I used to work with seniors - and they would even turn down help when offered - out of pride. I can't tell you how many times I'd speak with a frail, elderly widow struggling on $500 per month income, who would say she didn't need Food Stamps even if she qualified. I'd have to almost "trick" them - point out that yes, they made plans for their retirement and those plans did not include help from the government --- but, the government is the one who controls the interest rate that has inflated costs to the point where her plans aren't sufficient - so, why not let the government help out. that's why they created Food Stamps. etc.

Anyway, my point is - there are "professionals" out there who can and do make (free) home visits to talk to your parents about whatever concerns they may have (I see some legal issues, some financial issues, some emotional / mental health issues... just to name a few). They may appreciate talking with a third-party. And, ultimately, nobody can make them do anything they don't decide to do. All the social worker will do is present possible choices. They can always choose to do nothing. So, no harm in meeting with a socialw orker, right?

Look up in the yellow pages under State of .... wherever you live, and then look for something about Seniors. In Nevada, ours is called the Division for Aging Services. Call them and tell them you heard they can send a social worker for a home-visit, and how do you arrange that?

Then - you can focus your time, limited energy and worry on the things you can do something about.

Good luck

Thanks, everyone! I wanted to send a quick update!

First, I went into my pdoc in a very agitated state, and he started me on Abilify which is helping significantly.

Second, my mom got a job! A new crafts store just opened here two days ago, and she is working there. She's only making $6.75/hr and working about 30 hours per week, but this will be a big help to me! It's funny...the night before I was praying with all of my heart for a financial miracle, and then I received it! Thanks, God!!!!

Things for me have calmed down due to my medication ****tail, and I am handling all of this much better now.

Also, the food stamps went up to almost $300 a month! And my brother had a great idea! Concentrate the $300 on buying the meat, and then buy the staples with our income as this is a little cheaper. What a great idea, and I think we are going to try it!

Thanks for all of the feedback that everyone gave me and all of the prayers that others sent my way! Things are calming down some, and I am getting used to this role.

Genie

Genie, I am so happy for you that things are easier on you now.
Wishing you the best of everything.
MaryJane