Stress Center Peer Support

Joystealers are what I call people who are very negative and steal our joy. We need to limit our time with these people no matter what our relationship. Obviously if they're a family member you live with it is very difficult. My joy stealer is my mom. Fortunately I don't live with her! She lives in FL and will soon be leaving for WI where I live. She spends the summers here. I recall Lucinda talking about these negative people and saying we need to limit our time with them. Can you talk about the joystealers in your life and how you cope with them?

Barb, my ex husband is a real negative factor in my life. He has his own issues and ways of dealing with life that cause him a lot of anxiety and stress. He'll call ranting, raving and cussing like it's the end of the world and go on and on. Lord knows why I don't just hang up. I try to help b/c it's usually something to do with our son, and it's usually not even a big deal- just blown up out of proporation.
I have to remind him that I've come a long way in my recovery and that all the negativity isn't doing anything to help me. He'll always apologizes. But I have to thank the program for giving my some assertiveness to stand up and say "I can't take this right now. It's not good for me."

How's her hearing Barb?
I take it she's coming to stay with you.???
Anyway, this worked for me with a family member about a year ago.
Take out your tapes - in particular #'s 6,9 and 12.Anger, guilt and worry, courage to change.
Play them in the car, at home, whenever and wherever. It really helps if now and then your Mom is within earshot. More now than then.

Sort of a subliminal message that you no longer play the emotional games that the other person is used to.
No need for comments, except, when asked, something simple like, " I just wanted to listen to this one again" " I love it and it gives me a boost" or
"I'm working on helping a very good friend (me!!!) and listening to this helps"
Sometimes you might hear "Can you put something else on?"
Of course, as soon as I listen to this. No problem. Pick something out.
Quite a captive audience in the car by the way.
Other than that,
I totally agree with Lucinda, limit your time with her when you want to, or need to

Some may try, but as for me ---
nobody can steal the joy that is mine and that God wants me to have.
I may slip now and then and allow someone to "get" to me a bit, but it's temporary, it's just a moment, and not a part of who I am any more.

Hugs to you!!!!

Bevhembree,
Years ago my ex would do that too.
Until I realized that I didn't deserve to be spoken to like that, nobody does, and just said "have to go now" and hung up the phone!!!
That won't stop with him until you make it very clear, NONverbally, that you don't tolerate that behavior. Yep, just like a child.

OR Politely ask him to call back when he has calmed down and thought this out and HANG UP.
Quick comment , then nonverbal action.

Warning here, knock off telling him that You can't take it or it's not good for you.
He's zooming in on that weak spot, perhaps unintentionally, but he is all the same.
Don't allow it.

So, in a nutshell, HANG UP THE PHONE!
It's quick, easy, and painless.
OK, maybe not easy yet, but after a few times you'll stop encouraging his behavior and accept the wonderful feeling of peace of mind and new strength.
Hugs to you.

Barb I just love them from a distance. Visits are kept extremely short and simple so no one is provoked and I always stayed prayed up and praying in the spirit when being around certain individuals...

Thanks everyone for your comments. Cindylou, No thank God she doesn't stay with me. Her and her husband have a duplex here. Sometimes she is in the car with me. That's a great idea have the tape on, I'm helping a friend, yea she doesn't have to know it's me!!

Believer, yes I need to be prayed up at all times and praying in the spirit while worth it, limiting the time. Good point!

I must add altho you know who intends to use her all the time as a joy stealer, this time my joy wasn't stolen. I didn't fall apart like I so often have in the past. I was assertive in saying what needed to be said leaving her with her own choice but me not having to be affected by it. What a total difference. Before the program I would have totally fallen apart. I had fallen apart at times with her even doing the program but today it felt good to know I don't need to be affected by her poor choices nor do I need to carry the conversation with me all day long like I have in the past.

Barb G.

I AM SOOOO PROUD OF YOU!!! YOU NEEDED TO NOT LET HER OR ANYONE ELSE STEAL YOUR JOY! GOOD FOR YOU!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL, THAT WILL RECIEVE IT!

JENNIFIER

Hi Barb,

I have a parent whose relationship with me has improved drastically since I started praying in this manner before visits: "Lord God, thank you that you are in control. I just pray that you would go ahead of me to ___ . Please bless ___ . Your will be done." I worship God in prayer for a litte after that--often just praying Hallelujah and "Thank You, Thank You, Thank You Lord. You have the power in the situation."
I have also let things go that I used to respond to. I just go about my business.

It's tough! God's tougher!! Hallelujah!

McGrace, Great advice! Thank you.

Just remember - "Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world."
My mom was a true "joy stealer" - I have since learned through these tapes and counseling that she had to be a very unhappy women and that I needed to forgive her before I could ever forgive myself. She could pour guilt over me like gravy on potatoes...and I allowed it. Mom in gone now, and since I have forgiven her for all that she put on me, I wish I could talk with her again, because I'm the one that has changed.
Find peace within yourself and it will surround you. Our God is an Awesome God !!! Blessings, Judy

<span class="ev_code_RED">"Life is not waiting for the storm to pass ~ it's learning to dance in the rain."</span>