Posted: Sat Feb 09, 2008 3:57 am
i have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We had the movie like love story start. the first year was amazing. but I am very anxious about our relationship because we are both changing. He used to be really heavy into partying before we started dating but a year before he lost a close friend to drunk driving and he stopped everything cold turkey and started attending church. to me the most attractive thing in a man is a passion and love for Christ that is followed by a passionate love for me and desire to make a difference. I raised in a small town and a close knit church family so I understand that I have high expectations for the men I date, he exceeded them.
But the problem is we both have been through a lot. my parents live together but they do not love eachother I watched years of neglect and abandonment from my dad to my mom. my mom hates herself and doesnt not take care of herself she lets everyone walk all over her. My boyfriends parent were married for 18 years and his dad was an alcoholic and died of liver cancer just two years ago. So neither of us really understand love. Recently I have really been learning to tak initiative in my life and I have had some woderful experiences but i still feel stuck and lost and like I am making the wrong decisions. He recently started drinking again. Not a lot, but to me it is hard. He never wanted to touch that stuff again and now he has a few beers a week just by himself. I wouldnt mind so much if it was just something he did when he had guys night or we order pizza and a movie. But progressively he has gotten meaner and insenseitive. Last night he told me that he doesn't feel that he wants to say he loves me anymore. Part of me feels like its my fault by being so emotional all time and anxious but he knows im trying to work on that but I really need his love and support. part of me wants to break up with him because i feel hes giving up on everything and i believe I deserve better. another part of me is afraid that when Im 90 ill sit around and wonder what if. and the pathetic part of me wants to stick out another week because i dont want to deal with this losing him and plus valentines day and my birthday are next week and hes the only one I want to spend that with. im torn in two because deep down i know i would never marry him this way but i equally feel we could get what we used to have if we just pray and work together. but im still very young i have some college left and things I want to do before I get married.
I also feel guilty now for this post because he likes to keep things between us, but i can't talk to him because he is so indifferent and complacent lately.
Please pray for me and I would appreciate any advice possible. sometimes I feel so small and i scare myself with thoughts of the future i would love it if he and I could just live in the moment together and laugh and enjoy eachother. I cry at the drop of a hat and im tired and it makes me feel like picking up and driving off to somewhere where I can be alone, but I can't do that right now.
But the problem is we both have been through a lot. my parents live together but they do not love eachother I watched years of neglect and abandonment from my dad to my mom. my mom hates herself and doesnt not take care of herself she lets everyone walk all over her. My boyfriends parent were married for 18 years and his dad was an alcoholic and died of liver cancer just two years ago. So neither of us really understand love. Recently I have really been learning to tak initiative in my life and I have had some woderful experiences but i still feel stuck and lost and like I am making the wrong decisions. He recently started drinking again. Not a lot, but to me it is hard. He never wanted to touch that stuff again and now he has a few beers a week just by himself. I wouldnt mind so much if it was just something he did when he had guys night or we order pizza and a movie. But progressively he has gotten meaner and insenseitive. Last night he told me that he doesn't feel that he wants to say he loves me anymore. Part of me feels like its my fault by being so emotional all time and anxious but he knows im trying to work on that but I really need his love and support. part of me wants to break up with him because i feel hes giving up on everything and i believe I deserve better. another part of me is afraid that when Im 90 ill sit around and wonder what if. and the pathetic part of me wants to stick out another week because i dont want to deal with this losing him and plus valentines day and my birthday are next week and hes the only one I want to spend that with. im torn in two because deep down i know i would never marry him this way but i equally feel we could get what we used to have if we just pray and work together. but im still very young i have some college left and things I want to do before I get married.
I also feel guilty now for this post because he likes to keep things between us, but i can't talk to him because he is so indifferent and complacent lately.
Please pray for me and I would appreciate any advice possible. sometimes I feel so small and i scare myself with thoughts of the future i would love it if he and I could just live in the moment together and laugh and enjoy eachother. I cry at the drop of a hat and im tired and it makes me feel like picking up and driving off to somewhere where I can be alone, but I can't do that right now.