Hi everyone,
I have read many posts here about anticipatory anxiety ect. and I need to place my question here, too.
I´m 44 and divorced, have had an anxiety disorder for 10 years which got better gradually after I separated from my husband. I learned to live with that condition over the years, I work full time again and take care of my teenage daughter. Eventually, I finally found a wonderful man now who loves me the way I am.
I feel comfortable with him, he is a very warm and loving person, everything is fine, and I feel safe in his arms. I thank God that I found him, I could even tell him about the anxiety and he didn´t run away. (I have already talked about that in another thread.)
However, since I know this man, anxiety got much worse again. I think it´s because I´m afraid to let down my guard, and the changes in my life cause confusion and excitement. I´m not used to having a person around me who cares, not used to being happy and I´m afraid of being dependent from someone emotionally and so forth… reminds me of Lucinda´s story when she met her husband David!
Another point that bothers me is my church, I´m thinking of leaving after more than 20 years because of certain things going on that I can´t live with anymore. This also causes severe anxiety and terrifying feelings of guilt, of course.
Next weekend my friend wants to travel with me to the place where he grew up, introduce me to his family, see nice places… I don´t even have to drive! And although I look forward to it, I´m afraid of anxiety attacks, the feeling of doom, confusion, being unable to use the bathroom and all this stuff. I haven´t been around much in my life yet, we hardly had the money to travel, and being at some foreign place always caused anxiety, even when I was a kid. Now I have headaches, stomach aches, nausea, dizziness, panic… All I can think of is: what if I ruin the whole thing with anxiety spells or diarrhea attacks? What if I loose my mind, how embarrassing?! Oh my goodness, I know this sounds ridicoulos… but I have no one to talk to about these fears… Thank you for listening!
Is there anyone out there who can relate?
Will I ruin a weekend trip with my panic?!
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Guest
Dear Garden F:
I was so delighted to read about the wonderful happenings in your life.
It is just great to hear from you again.
You know, I think that you are going to do fine on that little trip.
You have been thru' so much and come out of it. I remember the struggles you went thru' as you were going thru' the divorce and adjusting to many things.
You have great strength.
I am so very happy for you that your life has taken this turn.
Congratulatons!
My best to you!
God bless!
MaryJane
I was so delighted to read about the wonderful happenings in your life.
It is just great to hear from you again.
You know, I think that you are going to do fine on that little trip.
You have been thru' so much and come out of it. I remember the struggles you went thru' as you were going thru' the divorce and adjusting to many things.
You have great strength.
I am so very happy for you that your life has taken this turn.
Congratulatons!
My best to you!
God bless!
MaryJane
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Guest
Yes I can relate. What I see that I can relate to is you're having all the anxiety beforehand. That is exactly what I do. I work myself up ahead of time thinking what all "could" go wrong. So tell yourself you've gotten it all out now. Your bf knows all about the anxiety so you can remind him again before the trip but also say how much you do want to do this and focus on the things to look forward to. Remember your deep breaths (I tend to forget this esp. when I get worked up), think positive and I know you WILL enjoy yourself. 
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Guest
Hi girls,
thank you so much for your replies and your encouragement!! I think I´m afraid that I might spoil our trip because my friend looks foward to it so much, it ´s really heart-warming. I havent´been on vacation or weekend trips for years... I always focussed on functioning somehow, going through my day in spite of the anxiety and problems, and now new ways and opportunities open up, doing nice things and see new places, just because I have someone by my side who really appreciates me and loves to spend time with me. Still can´t believe it! I´m so used to fight and deal with loss and setbacks...
Also, I´m so afraid that something terrible might happen and take this away from me again, you know. There ´s the connection to my belief. I´m a member of a very strict pentecostal church and I KNOW, when I tell anybody about my new relationship, there will be interference and pressure to give him up because the circumstances are not perfectly biblical (yet). On the other hand, I know in my gut that this man is the answer to my prayers, and if it wouldn´t work out because he´s no good for me, I would be the first to notice and I would end it, anyway. And I know I would survive that, somehow. But I don´t want anyone to tell me what to do and to feel like crap again. I have had that before, been through it in my church, more than once. And it didn´t do me any good. I´m anxious and it´s so ridiculously easy to make me feel miserable and guilty and not good enough for God. When I had severe problems in my previous marriage and desperately needed help and counseling, there wasn´t any. I really don´t blame anyone, you can´t expect that, either, and I learned to solve my problems on my own. But if you find new love and then they are coming out of nowhere and want to tell you how to live and that you´re with one foot in hell if you don´t follow their instructions.... I think it´s not easy if you have been in a church for so many years, you want to go the right way and agree with most things they´re preaching... However, I have seen too many things there over the years that left a nasty taste in mouth, even if I wasn´t concerned... so I´m thinking about leaving, anyway, as I mentioned.
So, these things mix up with each other, and I have to make a decision sooner or later, and it shouldn´t be made out of fear, I think.
thank you so much for your replies and your encouragement!! I think I´m afraid that I might spoil our trip because my friend looks foward to it so much, it ´s really heart-warming. I havent´been on vacation or weekend trips for years... I always focussed on functioning somehow, going through my day in spite of the anxiety and problems, and now new ways and opportunities open up, doing nice things and see new places, just because I have someone by my side who really appreciates me and loves to spend time with me. Still can´t believe it! I´m so used to fight and deal with loss and setbacks...
Also, I´m so afraid that something terrible might happen and take this away from me again, you know. There ´s the connection to my belief. I´m a member of a very strict pentecostal church and I KNOW, when I tell anybody about my new relationship, there will be interference and pressure to give him up because the circumstances are not perfectly biblical (yet). On the other hand, I know in my gut that this man is the answer to my prayers, and if it wouldn´t work out because he´s no good for me, I would be the first to notice and I would end it, anyway. And I know I would survive that, somehow. But I don´t want anyone to tell me what to do and to feel like crap again. I have had that before, been through it in my church, more than once. And it didn´t do me any good. I´m anxious and it´s so ridiculously easy to make me feel miserable and guilty and not good enough for God. When I had severe problems in my previous marriage and desperately needed help and counseling, there wasn´t any. I really don´t blame anyone, you can´t expect that, either, and I learned to solve my problems on my own. But if you find new love and then they are coming out of nowhere and want to tell you how to live and that you´re with one foot in hell if you don´t follow their instructions.... I think it´s not easy if you have been in a church for so many years, you want to go the right way and agree with most things they´re preaching... However, I have seen too many things there over the years that left a nasty taste in mouth, even if I wasn´t concerned... so I´m thinking about leaving, anyway, as I mentioned.
So, these things mix up with each other, and I have to make a decision sooner or later, and it shouldn´t be made out of fear, I think.
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Guest
Garden F.
I have every confidence tht you will make the right decision. Sometimes decisions are very difficult to make and in the process we can suffer lots of anxiety.
Your physical church there is only a body of people. With some man-made interpretations.
I think the best place for you to go to help you with your circomstance is to Christ.
You know , we have direct contact with Him now.
The New Covenant that God made with His people
guarantees us that previledge.
You won't necessarily have to give up your friends from church.
But just get your okay's from God. Then act accordingly.
If your friends can't accept your decisions then you can deal with that later.
I have a friend who tells me once in awhile:
"God gives us our strength WHEN we need it".
For instance if I have a job to do two weeks from now, God won't give me the strength for that job today. I don't need it today. He'll give me that strength two weeks from now, when I need it to do the job.
Look in the scriptures and read His words. And pray for wisdom and guidance. He will give it to you.
Because he wants you to be happy.
He is love.
And he wants you to live and to shine in His love.
You have come so far. He won't let you down.
Even if you have to wait for fullfilment, your joy will come. In HIs time.
"Joy cometh in the morning". Psalm 30:5
Wishing you happiness and peace of mind.
MJ
I have every confidence tht you will make the right decision. Sometimes decisions are very difficult to make and in the process we can suffer lots of anxiety.
Your physical church there is only a body of people. With some man-made interpretations.
I think the best place for you to go to help you with your circomstance is to Christ.
You know , we have direct contact with Him now.
The New Covenant that God made with His people
guarantees us that previledge.
You won't necessarily have to give up your friends from church.
But just get your okay's from God. Then act accordingly.
If your friends can't accept your decisions then you can deal with that later.
I have a friend who tells me once in awhile:
"God gives us our strength WHEN we need it".
For instance if I have a job to do two weeks from now, God won't give me the strength for that job today. I don't need it today. He'll give me that strength two weeks from now, when I need it to do the job.
Look in the scriptures and read His words. And pray for wisdom and guidance. He will give it to you.
Because he wants you to be happy.
He is love.
And he wants you to live and to shine in His love.
You have come so far. He won't let you down.
Even if you have to wait for fullfilment, your joy will come. In HIs time.
"Joy cometh in the morning". Psalm 30:5
Wishing you happiness and peace of mind.
MJ
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Guest
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Guest
Hi,
again, thank you so much for your encouragement!
First thing: the trip was wonderful!
We went by car, and although we were standing in traffic jams on the highway very often, we had a good time in the car, we were just happy to be together. The family of my friend lives by the Northern Sea and it´s so beautiful there. Water, wind and sheep... We stayed there for two days, met his father and siblings and nieces and nephews, they were all very nice to me and we had a good time. My friend showed me the places of his childhood and we were out dining eating fish... and I didn´t have anxiety for a single moment, although I didn´t sleep well in the hotel bed and was quite exhausted. Unfortunately I got a severe migraine when we returned, but that didn´t surprise me. I´m such a sensitive person, and all the excitement in advance, the foreign place and new people and "will they like me??" and "how will it be?" put such a pressure on me, then I always get migraine. However, I did it and it was great! My friend was proud of me because he knew I have anxiety, and obviously his family liked me. He is such a great guy... he gives me a feeling af safety I haven´t had in a relationship before. I really love him!
Concerning my church, I realized that I have to make my own decisions and find my own way. Thank you for your point of view about this, Cornflower! Talked about it with my Mum (who is in my church, too, but she´a more independent person) and also with my friend although he´s not a born-again Christian. I know I will always stay a devoted Christian, but I don´t want to stay in my church because I´m afraid of pressure... no way! I can also go to another church some day. However, this decision shouldn´t be made too quickly, but anxiety and feelings of guilt are no good reasons. During my "career" as a person with anxiety I have been through so many challenges and changes, maybe this situation with my church is a new one I have been avoiding too long?
again, thank you so much for your encouragement!
First thing: the trip was wonderful!
We went by car, and although we were standing in traffic jams on the highway very often, we had a good time in the car, we were just happy to be together. The family of my friend lives by the Northern Sea and it´s so beautiful there. Water, wind and sheep... We stayed there for two days, met his father and siblings and nieces and nephews, they were all very nice to me and we had a good time. My friend showed me the places of his childhood and we were out dining eating fish... and I didn´t have anxiety for a single moment, although I didn´t sleep well in the hotel bed and was quite exhausted. Unfortunately I got a severe migraine when we returned, but that didn´t surprise me. I´m such a sensitive person, and all the excitement in advance, the foreign place and new people and "will they like me??" and "how will it be?" put such a pressure on me, then I always get migraine. However, I did it and it was great! My friend was proud of me because he knew I have anxiety, and obviously his family liked me. He is such a great guy... he gives me a feeling af safety I haven´t had in a relationship before. I really love him!
Concerning my church, I realized that I have to make my own decisions and find my own way. Thank you for your point of view about this, Cornflower! Talked about it with my Mum (who is in my church, too, but she´a more independent person) and also with my friend although he´s not a born-again Christian. I know I will always stay a devoted Christian, but I don´t want to stay in my church because I´m afraid of pressure... no way! I can also go to another church some day. However, this decision shouldn´t be made too quickly, but anxiety and feelings of guilt are no good reasons. During my "career" as a person with anxiety I have been through so many challenges and changes, maybe this situation with my church is a new one I have been avoiding too long?
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Guest
Congratulations Garden Fairy!!!
I am truly so pleased with your happiness!
You faced your fears and went forward.
About church - We worship God in Spirit, because He is Spirit. It doesn't have to be in one certain place or with just the same people all the time. There are many churches available to us. I'm sure it is the same there.
I've changed churches more than once.
The thing is that it is your decision and between you and God. You are doing fine.
Thank you so much for sharing this joy with us.
I wish you so much happiness!
So good to hear from you.
Blessings!
MJ
I am truly so pleased with your happiness!
You faced your fears and went forward.
About church - We worship God in Spirit, because He is Spirit. It doesn't have to be in one certain place or with just the same people all the time. There are many churches available to us. I'm sure it is the same there.
I've changed churches more than once.
The thing is that it is your decision and between you and God. You are doing fine.
Thank you so much for sharing this joy with us.
I wish you so much happiness!
So good to hear from you.
Blessings!
MJ