Hi
I was driving my son back to his moms house his mom and I arnt together (my son is 4) were driving past a gym and he told me he went there with his uncal.
I dont feel comfertable with him bing around someone I dont know. I been what ifing sence yesterday. His mom is negative and defencive should I confront her about it anyways or start to be assertive with somone one less defencive
What if
Women are alwasy defensive after a split no matter how well the break up went. I would try and speak to her in an assertive way, and just let her know how you feel. I am sure if its his Uncle no harm would be done. I split with my daughters father when she was just 1 1/2 and I was not comfortable with him taking her around other people especially women. This caused a long period of time he didn't even see her................... sometimes we have to stop worrying soo much and try and see the positive. Trust that God will keep him safe.
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Jesus Christ
Matthew 6:27
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Guest
Hi Goodlife:
I agree with diggy, this is a tough one. I work in family law and see these sorts of arguments daily. One thing some parents try and do (more so with young kids) is keep a 'communication journal' with the childs napsack or travel bags.. this allows the parents to only communicate about the children and things relating to the children without cauing emotional friction which Im sure you dont want your son exposed too anyways.
Im sure she'll be less defensive if you ask something more like: '[sons name] mentioned he went to that [gym name] with his uncle. Which uncle? can I speak to him to see if he has gotten [sons name] a membership or is there an activity he has been enjoying there that I could take him to?' rather than something more harsh about who he is around.. you may get your answer plus some.. its more positive- catch more bees with honey than vinegar! If it progresses and you begin to have reasonable serious safety concerns speak with an attorney to get your options rather than directly upsetting her and exposing your son to conflict.
I think it is important to keep up with the positive thinking and lesson 3.. trust in god and trust in your ex and yourself. Build a strong healthy, honest, patient relationship with your son and if something is troubling him you know he would come to you anyways. You certainly dont want to inflict any worry and anxiety on your son. Keep positive with him and support him. Try the communication journal.. it works well even for school events and likes/dislikes or new allergies.. etc.
Dont forget the more responsibility your son learns at a young age the more prepared for real life and safer all round he'll be. It is important to eep your child protected but not so it makes them scared also.I hope things calm down in your mind for you!
Best wishes!
I agree with diggy, this is a tough one. I work in family law and see these sorts of arguments daily. One thing some parents try and do (more so with young kids) is keep a 'communication journal' with the childs napsack or travel bags.. this allows the parents to only communicate about the children and things relating to the children without cauing emotional friction which Im sure you dont want your son exposed too anyways.
Im sure she'll be less defensive if you ask something more like: '[sons name] mentioned he went to that [gym name] with his uncle. Which uncle? can I speak to him to see if he has gotten [sons name] a membership or is there an activity he has been enjoying there that I could take him to?' rather than something more harsh about who he is around.. you may get your answer plus some.. its more positive- catch more bees with honey than vinegar! If it progresses and you begin to have reasonable serious safety concerns speak with an attorney to get your options rather than directly upsetting her and exposing your son to conflict.
I think it is important to keep up with the positive thinking and lesson 3.. trust in god and trust in your ex and yourself. Build a strong healthy, honest, patient relationship with your son and if something is troubling him you know he would come to you anyways. You certainly dont want to inflict any worry and anxiety on your son. Keep positive with him and support him. Try the communication journal.. it works well even for school events and likes/dislikes or new allergies.. etc.
Dont forget the more responsibility your son learns at a young age the more prepared for real life and safer all round he'll be. It is important to eep your child protected but not so it makes them scared also.I hope things calm down in your mind for you!
Best wishes!
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Guest
goodlife.
Im just a simple person with a simple view.
In my opinion be the best darn DAD you can be to that little boy and you will NEVER have to worry about anyone else EVER stealing your thunder...
This "uncle" might be fun, might be a part of his life at the moment but you will ALWAYS be his FATHER. Love him, guide him, be his freind and make memories of your own that will last in his life regardless of your relationship with his mother.
Remember the way you treat his mother is a direct reflection on yourself and it teaches him good morals. Take the high road. You sound like a really sensitive person most men wouldnt even have heard what he said yet alone give it a second or third thought....but you do and thats a wonderfull quality...put all that energy into the relationship with your son.....build it up.....build it strong.....
You cant go wrong if you are always doing right!
Good luck to you
Dodger
Im just a simple person with a simple view.
In my opinion be the best darn DAD you can be to that little boy and you will NEVER have to worry about anyone else EVER stealing your thunder...
This "uncle" might be fun, might be a part of his life at the moment but you will ALWAYS be his FATHER. Love him, guide him, be his freind and make memories of your own that will last in his life regardless of your relationship with his mother.
Remember the way you treat his mother is a direct reflection on yourself and it teaches him good morals. Take the high road. You sound like a really sensitive person most men wouldnt even have heard what he said yet alone give it a second or third thought....but you do and thats a wonderfull quality...put all that energy into the relationship with your son.....build it up.....build it strong.....
You cant go wrong if you are always doing right!
Good luck to you
Dodger