Stress Center Peer Support

Curses, miffed again.

I was doing good, really I was. The first 3-4 days of this session in a row, I got on a highway and drove at least one exit. I'd decided super-slow was the right speed. Like, keep doing it until I got bored of driving on the highway for one exit. No pressure. No deadlines. No future nor past. Just one exit, here and now.

Then came a day when I veered off at the entrance ramp again. Now, of course, it's been two days without getting back on the dratted interstate. Because today I was still two blocks away in rush hour traffic and already my feet and hands were sweating, my shoulders and arms and body were clenched up and only moving in jerks, and I couldn't breathe. The steering wheel jerked back toward home again...

Later, this evening, I tried deep relaxation, then visualizing myself calm and composed and getting onto the interstate. Went from deep relaxation to an anxiety attack in an armchair. I never have anxiety attacks at home!

Grrr. I think... tracking back... I was OK until the homework asked me to plot out a plan for milestones, like how far I'd be able to drive on the interstate when. I think... I was really not ready to let the future gang up on me. Ultra baby tiny steps until I get bored with single exit highway driving might have worked better for me, since it's like I'm not in any conscious control at all when I veer away from the highway.

Anyway. I know what being miffed at myself adds to the mix. Blech.

Gisette, Don't be too hard on yourself. You will have victories and setbacks - that is completely normal. Somedays you will fill like you are not making progress at all but don't you believe it! Take your time, work at a pace that is comfortable for you. Celebrate your victories, even the small ones. Before you know it, you will be having more good days than bad and eventually, the limitations will be lifted and you will be free.
I know as I have come through extreme agoraphobia, panic attacks at home and out and depression from the agoraphobia and panic attacks. I am not 100% yet, but I am NOT where I was either. I took the advice on one of the tapes about going out when traffic or stores weren't busy. That helps to start there and then gradually build up. I've been "miffed" at myself more times than I can count but I have come to realize I have to be my own cheerleader - cause there are times there is no one else there to cheer me on. But that is Ok too cause you are with yourself wherever you go! Looking forward to hearing of your future victories!!

Thanks for responding, SimpleTruths!

You're right, I need to find a way to be my own cheerleader. And rush hour definitely didn't help. The stop lights and traffic delays gave me too much time to think.

I'm also closing on a mortgage refinance today, which is stressing me, and I want to drive my daughter ~55 miles next week to visit a university. On surface highways, not the interstate - deciding that made me feel a lot better. Though I'm probably still disappointed in myself that I can't drive there the "right" way. (There is no "right" way. The interstate route is 10 miles longer, so only 15 minutes quicker.)

Congratulations on your progress!

Hi Gisette, you have alot going on right now and that is probably contributing to the overall level of stress which can trigger you. Financial changes are BIG issues and I think you will feel much better once you are done with the paperwork. And I KNOW you can handle the 55 miles. And you are right, there is no "right way" do get there. I think you deserve a pat on the back just for being willing to make the drive - highway or not!

You sound like me, in that you might have a tendency to be hard on yourself. I've beat myself up in my mind too over not driving somewhere "like a normal person" would. Guess what? We are NORMAL. EVERYONE deals with anxiety on one level or another. And what feels comfortable for you is the best way - cause it fits you. You are an unique individual - that makes you special. I look forward to your good report - I think you will do better than you even know.

Thank you, SimpleTruths. I needed the help cheerleading. And yeah - financial stress is big. And double yeah - hard on myself! Beat up on myself all the time for not driving like a 'normal person'.

What is normal? I know now that there is no such thing - we all have our strengths and things we struggle with... I think it is so great that your are driving and on interstates! Remember how far you have come! You will pass this hurdle too just as you have others. Don't forget your gains!