Empowering Group Program Run-through part 8

Is your day fraught with worry about something that may (or may not) happen? Stop imagining and anticipating the worst and learn the amazing rewards of living in the moment.
forever young 06
Posts: 284
Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part 8

Post by forever young 06 » Mon Jan 13, 2014 7:47 am

Mike I don't know what I can do to get into a better mindset on facing my limitations. This is my worst fear. I am sure there are more smaller ones but I don't what there are. I will need to start out small there is a town 12 miles from me I would love to drive to by myself. I know I will need to drive a distance I feel comfortable with and then turn around and come back home. I will need to keep trying this with going a little farther every time. I will think about how this makes me happy be able to be more self sufficient. I need to learn to be my own safe person. Mike is there anything else you can think that would help? You have a lot of insight into what to do. You are doing good with working on your limitations. I am proud of you.

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part 8

Post by THH » Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:34 am

Seams like everyone is facing their limitations daily! Great job everyone, including myself. It is not always comfortable, and can be tricky at times but any forward movement is a success. What if thinking really just keeps you stuck and doing the same old things that we are so tired of doing.

Mike,
Me too, facing my fears has been coming up naturally. I think we are in the mind set to identify with those thoughts. When the anticipatory anxiety shows up, doing anything except dwelling on those thoughts will help. It is getting your mind to think of something else, at times that is really hard to do. Good for you, take it easy and do something you enjoy. I think today I will do some relaxing things as well. :D
Also it is interesting that you go ahead and feel those memories, I've been thinking about that too. Not all but just a few and I do find it helps too.

Forever Young,
For me I find that I can procrastinate anything I really don't feel like doing. I can talk myself out of just about anything. Then I can put guilt on myself because I didn't do what I wanted to do. ( talked myself out of it) So for me I try to do one thing a day that I set out to do and just do it. At least I don't guilt myself the rest of the day for not doing it. Some days it leads to doing more things I never wanted to do, and others I'm happy with just that one! :D We can over come these obstacles! We are learning great skills!

Ninjafrodo2
Posts: 234
Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part 8

Post by Ninjafrodo2 » Mon Jan 13, 2014 4:32 pm

Image

ForeverYoung
First of all its great that you're even looking at the idea of facing the limitation...this is great! And thank you for asking and for the encouragement. Yes I do have a few ideas. What it seems like to me is that the focus is very much about the fear and the body symptoms and if that is the case then its going to generate so much fear and overwhelm that anybody who did that would not be able to move forward, thats what happens. So we have to dilute that fear with anything that can bring you into a positive state or is soothing.

You already mentioned that the pictures that I posted are soothing, so that is one tool you can use in order to dilute it. Maybe you can print them off and take them with you, thats one thing I use myself and it really does help. You could bring the nice scenery pictures with you and/or a couple of the ones that have quotes that feel good as well.

You say when you get afraid you have this urge to go talk to someone or to come on here and post online...that is one of your automatic soothing techniques and you can definately use that before and after the event in order to help you and you can look forward to what you're going to post after you are done facing that limitation.

If you like listening to a certain type of music, you can bring that with you as well and even better, if you like to sing, you can sing along with it!

You said you need to be your own support person...well eventually yes that is the goal but you don't have to start off all by yourself, you can definately take someone with you. In one of the tapes, Lucinda mentions about one lady in group who said as long as the dog is in the car with her, she feels safe. So even having a dog or some pet go with you if you have one would help...they say petting an animal helps to relieve alot of tension and it really does help.

You could even use nice smelling sents in your vehical that help create a soothing feeling within you....coconut and vanilla work for me...Patuli or Lavender or mint can be nice picks as well.

Pictures of people who inspire you or that you like...actors or singers. You could also watch a movie, show or read a book with one of those actors in it that has an empowering effect...perhaps that character became courageous and they went after something big and they overcame obsticals and they did it!

While you are facing the fear, allow yourself to take in your surroundings the same way you do when you walk

And make sure before you begin that you write down a reasonable expectation (getting in the car and making the attempt is a great example). The accomplishment is in taking steps that are moving you forward and doing anything outside of the anxiety cycle is moving you forward.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you would like more suggestions or if you need more understanding about certain things in the program.

THH
You said it about the what-ifing! And yeah we are doing a great job! Like I said to ForeverYoung any movement outside of the anxiety cycle is a move forward.

Exactly! You're mind is definately shifting more towards the positive and I think overall that is the main goal we are trying to get at...not so much about getting rid of the anxiety. I know that seems like the same thing but the focus and the feeling of it is much different. And i'm glad you mentioned about getting your mind to think of something else...again its like what I said to ForeverYoung about Diluting the anxiety feelings...its challenging but so was learning how to eat when we were toddlers....the more we try the better we get at it and we didn't have to worry about if we were going to be able to master eating, we just did it because we kept trying. Pretending like the spoon was an airplane would have helped a great deal as well :P.

And yeah the feeling those memories greatly helps and I definately recommend it! There are certain triggers of mine that come up (mainly seeing people that arenm't in my life anymore that I did feel somewhat close to but aren't in my life anymore) that before would be so overwhelming that I felt like I was going to explode but after spending alot of time feeling the loss and grieving, I am not feeling nearly the same intensity and it has definately helped me to separate that past situation from the present and it has even helped with the thought replacement as well....feeling the emotions has also been a big fear but when I face it, it might hurt but it feels satisfying and right in my heart and cathartic and i'm able to release some of that hurt and I find that trying to avoid it, deny it or run away from it is what makes it extremely overwhelming and after doing that for at least 16 years, I realized that it really doesn't work. What has your experience been with feeling those memories so far?


Mike

THH
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Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part 8

Post by THH » Tue Jan 14, 2014 2:09 pm

Mike,
I am coming to understand what you said " Its not getting rid of the anxiety " It is shifting thoughts to any positive "other" thought process.
LOL...at your airplane and spoon full of medicine. It is pushing yourself in a way that is acceptable to yourself and makes you feel better.

My experience with memories is very similar to yours. I allow my self to feel the emotion and see that it is as bad as I chose to remember it. I may have not liked it for one reason or another but it is not as scary as I imagined. There for taking away much of the power of it. I have tried doing this with my fear of having all my teeth pulled. ( and I have many teeth, it is just a dental fear that I may have to, WHAT IF )
It may not be that bad. I know many people who wear false teeth and they don't like it probably either but they are doing well and thriving.
There are so many things I bet most people don't want to happen but it does and they have to get used to the idea. Many I see do it very well! So there is no way I can't age gracefully rather than fight every step of the way. In a earlier post you mentioned you don't like to look in the mirror. I get that. I feel like that too. I see a aging women who I don't know who she is. When really I need to look at her and admire the women I see for still loving herself after all these years. Be grateful that I still can do so many things, and being fearful and withdrawing is not what is the right thing to do. She must find her can do mind and practice everyday. ;)

Ninjafrodo2
Posts: 234
Joined: Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:05 am

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part 8

Post by Ninjafrodo2 » Thu Jan 16, 2014 1:15 am

THH

Yes that is exactly what I mean! I'm glad that someone else is getting it too :). Its about getting us to a place that makes us feel good again, and it involves working through the stuff that makes us feel bad...even feeling the bad stuff is apart of that. Its just like that quote says....if you're going through hell, keep going.

Great post about the mirror...its about focusing on the good things and expanding on that instead of how we've learned to focus on the negative stuff and expand on that. We are not our bodies, or our circumstances....we are whats in our hearts.

As for remembering things as bad as you choose to...I dunno for me, I just let it come up as strong as it is...sometimes its really strong and other times not so much but either way it feels good because I'm honoring that part of myself...when I resist, deny or run away from feelings then it is like not honoring myself and not accepting myself.


Mike

forever young 06
Posts: 284
Joined: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:19 pm

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part 8

Post by forever young 06 » Thu Jan 16, 2014 7:42 am

so we are going to have to allow ourselves to feel the fear and do it any way. That is where most of us stay stuck. being not willing to face it in fact we have been running from this for a long time doing every thing to avoid the fear. It is impossible to face driving with out feeling it. Its about learning it will not hurt you. It is about how bad do you want it or you willing to live like this the rest of your life. I am going ot need to work on my mind set really hard. like I said this is my worst fear it has kept me where I am today. I will keep trying to go forward. I listened to the audio yesterday and worked in the work book. I am back to excersiing and eating better. I will contuine to work on a better me. I am working with my faith I feel like this can be a bigh help. Lets keep up the good work

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Re: Empowering Group Program Run-through part 8

Post by THH » Thu Jan 16, 2014 6:49 pm

Forever Young,
Yay! :D
Good post!

I feel a lot as you do, but if we really don't like how we have been feeling, we must have the courage to change, and except there are days we are not as excited to try things. But keep working on it. Nobody can do the work for us, or make us feel the way we do but ourselves. At times I feel very empowered by this, others I too feel overwhelmed.

Good for you getting back to some schedule with your eating and exercise. I too have been slowly getting better meals and getting my walks in. :D
It will only get better if we try. And we are all trying very hard.

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