What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Is your day fraught with worry about something that may (or may not) happen? Stop imagining and anticipating the worst and learn the amazing rewards of living in the moment.
katie1
Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2012 9:37 am

What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Post by katie1 » Sat Jan 21, 2012 9:45 pm

I can only begin to imagine EVERYTHING that I have missed due to Anticipatory Anxiety. Just thinking about a couple recent events including spending Christmas by myself because I anticipated having a panic attack in front of my boyfriend's family (can never go see them again especially after my boyfriend told them that I have anxiety issues (how embarrassing). And then there was my company party 2 weeks ago at my boss’s house. I didn’t go but was given an award for being the top producer in 2011. I had such anticipatory anxiety about being put in the spot light amongst my peers that I got physically sick two days before the party and used it as an excuse not to attend. ARGGG. I hope this program works! Anticipatory anxiety is a huge problem for me!

Iwillbebetter
Posts: 484
Joined: Sun Nov 27, 2011 8:35 am
Location: Minnesota

Re: What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Post by Iwillbebetter » Mon Jan 23, 2012 1:29 pm

Katie, I think if you really keep at it the program will help. But that's all it can do is help we have to get out and do the work :) I know what you mean I can really relate to the anticipitory anxiety and have missed much because of it also. I don't even want to think about all the things I've missed!! But we don't have to miss anymore!! :)
"Only rainbows after rain, the sun will always come again, and it's a cirlce, circling around again it comes around again...."

perspectivegirl
Posts: 78
Joined: Mon Sep 19, 2011 7:19 pm

Re: What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Post by perspectivegirl » Sun Feb 26, 2012 4:54 pm

Yep, you just have to do things anyway! And by no means is this easy. You have to make yourself do things- only then will you begin to get over them. It does work, and anyone in the program can tell you that. Keep on keepin' on. :]

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Post by LyndaLu » Fri Apr 27, 2012 9:01 pm

katie1 wrote:I can only begin to imagine EVERYTHING that I have missed due to Anticipatory Anxiety. Just thinking about a couple recent events including spending Christmas by myself because I anticipated having a panic attack in front of my boyfriend's family (can never go see them again especially after my boyfriend told them that I have anxiety issues (how embarrassing). And then there was my company party 2 weeks ago at my boss’s house. I didn’t go but was given an award for being the top producer in 2011. I had such anticipatory anxiety about being put in the spot light amongst my peers that I got physically sick two days before the party and used it as an excuse not to attend. ARGGG. I hope this program works! Anticipatory anxiety is a huge problem for me!
I TRULY know what you are talking about and over the past MANY years I have avoided some of the same things.

But I have to tell you this, just as the others stated, you HAVE to get out and face your fear. You have to start

going to Christmas events again and to Company parties. I have anticipatory anxiety also and I

have missed out on SO many things over the years I cannot even imagine putting a number on the events that

I missed out on. At the time I did not know what anxiety was and that I had it, I only know that I "bailed" on

so many parties and events and get-togethers that would have enriched my life and given me memories to

look back on. Please try to work on the program and keep us posted on your progress.

Sending love and support your way,

Lynda :)

lucy knepp
Posts: 87
Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:31 pm

Re: What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Post by lucy knepp » Sat Apr 28, 2012 12:46 pm

I feel that way so many times. Hanging in there! :)

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Post by LyndaLu » Sat Apr 28, 2012 4:09 pm

I am going to church tomorrow for the first time in a long, long time.
I am sitting here figuring out a million ways to bail out of the whole thing when
what I really need to do is think of all the positive things about the whole experience.
It will only be an hour out of my whole day, my whole week and I am having
the anticipatory anxiety about it. All I have to do is show up at the church and sit
down and then listen. I am worried about what I should wear and what would I
say if someone actually talked to me. I haven't had much to talk about recently in
my life because I am in a time of my life where things are just not going right.
I cannot even think of of one uplifting thing I could say if someone started to chat
with me, like what kinds of things do I like to do.

I am alone all of the time and unemployed. I used to have interests at one time, but now I do not.
I am going to church to hopefully get some new interests into my life, I really would
like to participate and not just attend. I would like to be a part of something.
So far the one thing I did ( volunteering at a non-profit ) did not last.
I also went to some classes at a womens center for a while, and that did not last either.
Nothing seems to last with me. I am still looking for a place where I belong.
I guess I just need to keep looking and start slow and don't give up.

Wish me luck and I hope I find a friend there.
Lynda :)

peony
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:08 am
Location: Canada

Re: What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Post by peony » Mon May 07, 2012 7:32 pm

Hi Lynda,
So happy to see the post that you are going to attend church. Hope it went well.

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Post by LyndaLu » Tue May 08, 2012 6:17 pm

peony wrote:Hi Lynda,
So happy to see the post that you are going to attend church. Hope it went well.
I attended church again on May 6th and it went well. Some folks introduced themselves to me and that made
me feel welcome. I attended the church service. Then I sat through a bible class with a few people
that were members of the church. The bible class went well and after that I was invited out for a brunch with
the group. 8 of us showed up for the brunch and I talked a little bit and I listened to them talk. I believe my
day was a success. I did not bail out and not go to the church service. I got up early that morning and went to
the early service, attended the bible class and went to the brunch. I had never met these folks before and I
was out of my environment in a big way. I am hoping to return each Sunday to worship and to figure out
if this is something that I would like to continue participating in in the future. I want to learn more about
the Christian faith and what it has to offer. I wan't to have something in my life to look forward to, something
to give me strength. I have only attended church twice, so I will just take the baby steps to see how it feels to me.
Lynda :)

peony
Posts: 62
Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2012 3:08 am
Location: Canada

Re: What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Post by peony » Wed May 09, 2012 2:47 am

Hey Lynda,

Your last post was great news! You must feel really pleased with yourself for going ahead and being out of your usual comfort zone. I'm glad you found some socializing and some spiritual matters to think about.

I am on sesson 8 now and I realize that I have bailed on a lot of things because I was too scared. I have social anxiety. I am afraid I will say something dumb or that someone will offend me. Hopefully I have a few skills to combat these fears. There is a walking group that I have been invited to join and I am afraid. I will have the chance every Mon and Thurs. It's drop in so no regular commitment... maybe next week.

Currently working on fear of failure. I get immobilized with fear that I will make a mistake in doing things I really want to do. Right now it's choosing colours to paint and other major decorating decisions. I am afraid I will make a mistake and I wont like it and will cost a lot. Also choosing my garden plants. Afraid of making mistakes. It may seem trivial but I think my self esteem has been so shaky that if I made a mistake in the past it has made me feel depressed. I have to just go ahead and DO IT , like you. As they say in the program there "are no mistakes" only learning.

Well congrats again!

LyndaLu
Posts: 794
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 4:43 pm

Re: What I have missed - Anticipatory Anxiety

Post by LyndaLu » Wed May 09, 2012 4:57 pm

hello peony:

I think that walking group sounds like a GREAT idea. The fact that it is a "drop in with no regular commitment" should make
it easier for you to attend knowing that there is less pressure on you to commitment on a long term basis. I think you
should do the walking thing because exercise makes us feel better too, it releases all those good feeling chemicals in
our bodies. Like adrenaline, cortisol, endorphins ? Hey, if walking is on Thursday, don't wait until NEXT week, go on
the walk tomorrow ! Spontaneous always works better for me than planning too far in advance. But of course you must
do what is comfortable for you and you must go on the walk when you are in a somewhat good mood and ready for
the challenge, not on a really crummy day where things are not going right.

I am working on Session 8 also and it is a Session that I can totaly relate to. I have learned that doing things
spontaneously really does work out sometimes for the better and it creates less anticipatory anxiety. But some things
still have to be planned in advance in order to get then taken care of. For example, I know that I have to go over to
my elderly mothers house to help her out the next two days. I am not having anticipatory anxiety about the visit
because I have learned to just "go with the flow" while I am over at her place. If she wants to go somewhere and do
something, we will. If she does not feel well, we will stay home. I am basically there to keep her company and to
help her run her errands. I also know that a week in advance I am going to attend the church service. I have lessened
my anticipatory anxiety over participating and attending the church activities by knowing that at any time I can
just leave if I want to and I would not have to feel badly about leaving if I had to. I drive myself to the church so I
always have my own transportation to come and go. If I want to ONLY attend the church service that is an option,
I DON'T have to participate in the bible class or go out to "brunch" if I don't want to. I don't have to give any long
winded excuses to the other folks if I don't want to attend, I just have to say " I cannot attend the bible class today",
or " I will not be able to join you for the "brunch" this morning".

The longer you work towards your recovery and the longer you work on the program, the more confidence you will
have on making those painting and planting decisions. I think you are doing great and are making so much progress !
Just coming here to share and to participate is a big step.

Wishing us a great summer and a Happy Mother's Day ( well, I am not a Mother myself, but I have my own mother
to celebrate with, plus I have a sister and a niece that are mothers ).

Lynda Lu :)

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