New Relationship

[eteh]

HI All,

First time posting but I think the program is really helping me. I've had a anxiety/depression issue almost all my life but did not address until my divorce last year. I'm finally getting the help I need. In any case I'm posting b/c I met the this wonderful woman who has been extremely patient with me - we have been dating on/off for about 8 months. I have been separated for 2 years and the divorce was traumatic but deep down I knew that we were not meant to be with each other. We didn't truly love each other. We share a daughter and have been amicable with our situation. I have gone through my emotions but am very anxious about committing to a new person even though I find her and her company wonderful. I didn't expect to connect with someone so soon so deeply. I have been with and dated a few other people after the divorce but this current woman is someone who I can possibly see myself with. I fear that I am letting my fear get the best of me when I get too close emotionally. I also think that I have to be in this better/perfect place to be with her. Is this my perfectionist thing, am I being too hard on myself, am I really ready? But when I am with her everything is great. In any case, she is taking a sabbatical from her consulting job which has been extremely stressful for her and I asked her to take it here (she lives in Chicago and I live in Pittsburgh) so that I can help point her in the right directions with good healthcare providers etc.. I am having anxiety and sleeping issues -- waking every 2 hours thinking about her being here. I wonder if I can be a boyfriend to her. I am having lots of what if scenarios. Sometimes I feel very calm about the situation but if I think about it too much I get very anxious and want to recant my offer. I have prayed about it and asked God/Divine will to guide my actions and give me guidance. From what I receive it tells me to move forward but why do I have so much anxiety about it? I have already freaked out on her 2x and I am sure a 3rd time will really devastate her. Is this normal to have this kind of anxiety?

[Paisleegreen]

I would be anxious after going through what you have been through. Do you think you need more time? Paislee

[eteh]

I thought I did - but my therapist who I have been seeing before the divorce suggests that I am actually more ready than I realize and that my anxiety would occur now or 6 months down the line. She is saying that is what anxiety does - it attaches itself to situation and begins to cloud what a person really wants. She is saying that from what I am describing of the relationship that it is actually a good one and one that I am learning many lessons from. It is true- this is woman is someone I am really attracted to and care about. She has not pressured me into anything really. Upping my lexapro seems to help my obsessive thinking...

[KAMO]

I think you have to go with what your heart tells you. Maybe your first wife wasn't the right one for you and you just didn't know it at the time. Maybe this new person is and all you can do is go for it and see what happens. She may be the one to enrich your life.

[eteh]

Thanks for the reminder...I have a tendency to seem indecisive but it's only b/c I keep weighing all the pros/cons and keep overthinking things in my head. I am certain that my first wife was not the one for me. It's just that I have never felt this strong of emotion for any woman I have dated. I tend to confuse excitement with anxiety and freak out- my adrenaline pumps, heart races, sometimes I don't sleep and lose my appetite. it's kind of crazy. I think I am anxious about how much I actually feel for this person.