Need pragmatic steps/suggestions to end "What if" thinking

Is your day fraught with worry about something that may (or may not) happen? Stop imagining and anticipating the worst and learn the amazing rewards of living in the moment.
Post Reply
LQGuy
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:05 pm

Need pragmatic steps/suggestions to end "What if" thinking

Post by LQGuy » Sun Jun 12, 2011 8:39 pm

Hi,

This is my first time posting here. I've had issues with panic and depression for the past 30 years and like many of you, was on medication for much of the time. Since purchasing this product, I find that I can get by without medication and have done pretty well for the past six months without them. However, I'm facing a major hurdle that I can't seem to get over, and I'm hoping someone has specific advice or resources that talk about how to get past "What if..." thinking.

I'm not looking for information that defines what the problem is...I'm the poster child for it! :) Rather, I'm stuck and can't seem to get out/away from it. I'm so stuck that I haven't slept more than 6 hours in three days, and my chest constantly aches (but I'm certain it's not a heart attack....high blood pressure maybe, but not a heart attack). Here's the details:

I work in management and have been with the same government employer for 20 years. I've great job security and decent enough pay. But I have been unfulfilled at this job for several years now. For the past two years, I've sent out applications and was offered a position with a company two days ago. The new job has better benefits and pay than my government job, but has more potential stress involved. In the interview, they said, "you'll need to be thick skinned at times".

When I accepted the job, I was so excited. And for two weeks before the call, I prayed, hoped, and wished almost every moment that I'd get it. Immediately after we got off of the phone and ever since, I have been an absolute nervous wreck! Aside from chest discomfort and not being able to sleep, my head is just swirling with "what if" thoughts. E.g., "What if it's a bigger headache than what I have now?" "What if the staff are as contentious as they sound like they could be?" "I'm giving up 20 years seniority and moving my family. What if I relocate, disrupt their lives, and realize I'm even more unhappy? I will need to leave AND I will have lost my job with my last employer. You can't just get your job back in this economy." "What if this is a mistake?" "What if I'm unhappy or more unhappy than here?"

I tell myself, "This is wasted energy. Worrying about it won't change a thing." "You don't know for sure that this is what it will be like." "Stop thinking negatively", etc. I can "tell" myself these things until the cows come home, but I can not seem to shut if off! I'm really in need of suggestions for how to break the cycle. Have you ever had this happen to this degree? What did you do? I'm too distracted by them to meditate, and the relaxation exercises do work! But only while I'm doing them (and it's a battle to stop my mind from "What if'ing" during the relaxation).

Any help/suggestions would be appreciated!!!! Sorry for the lengthy post.

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Re: Need pragmatic steps/suggestions to end "What if" thinki

Post by THH » Sun Jun 12, 2011 9:50 pm

LQguy,
Hello, I totally understand where you are! Its great you are working this program as it has helped me alot. Not to say I don't come up against it from time to time but using these lessons and applying them to your life will be so much more empowering!

What ifing ( I''m sorry I am the queen! LOL...) Is living in the future. And you do not know for a FACT that any of it will happen. So what I do is get back to the present. I used thoughts only thoughts, to break them up. If that dont work I ask myself what am I worried about. Journal it. Just like you did here. Use I messages, I am afraid I am making a mistake? ( Too general, what is a mistake to you? ) I am afraid I will not like my new job as well as my old job. First if you liked your old job so well you would not be looking for a new job. Yes there are risk, learning a new job, new environment and people but you must of felt some where in your being that you were wanting a change or you would not have accepted the new job. There are no guarantees with any job - you could be laid off at your old job in a couple months? ( Just saying ) Think I CAN!
I work though my problems in this fashion. It don't just happen over night though, Its a big move! You can do this and "what if" its the best thing you ever did, 5 years ahead looking back? You are trying, that don't equal failure!
Hope this helps in some way. Good luck to you! :mrgreen:

LQGuy
Posts: 6
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2011 8:05 pm

Re: Need pragmatic steps/suggestions to end "What if" thinki

Post by LQGuy » Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:23 pm

That's a great idea! I'm going to start trying that tonight.

Any other thoughts/ideas along those lines? This is a little frustrating....I thought I was doing "well" up to now. I know moving, selling a house (in a crappy market), etc rate extremely high on the stress scale. I feel on the verge of a panic attack and don't want the set back (and keep reminding myself to welcome it if it comes...seems to "deflate it" in doing that).

Thanks again!!

THH
Posts: 860
Joined: Mon May 10, 2010 10:53 am

Re: Need pragmatic steps/suggestions to end "What if" thinki

Post by THH » Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:30 pm

LQguy,
How are you doing? :?:
It is very frustrating! It takes time and patience, it is a life style! You can not expect to be perfect or do everything perfect either. You are doing well, you just have to slow the pace down into little tiny pieces and cut yourself some slack. All the things your are going through are stressful. Set yourself up better by lowering expectations. Be kind to your self. We don't always have the "right" answer or right way! It can be hard to remain so focused. I do very well for long stretches and have growth spurts.( Set backs) Expect them! It does not mean you failed, you will never be the same after going though this program. That being said it really takes a long time for your body to react the way you think it should, second nature, roll with things better. Practice practice practice. Baby steps...

That is great you found something that seams to deflate it! Keep working it, you can do it! ;)

mramirez10
Posts: 94
Joined: Fri Apr 15, 2011 12:51 pm

Re: Need pragmatic steps/suggestions to end "What if" thinki

Post by mramirez10 » Wed Jun 22, 2011 2:46 pm

Lucinda also talks about changing those what if's into positive what if's. What if you love the job, what if it boost your self asteem, what if your family loves the new area and find great new friends. I find that I actually have to write down my negative thoughts and then write down the positive new thoughts to help. Just thinking the postive new thoughts doesn't always stick for me. I need to write them down. I like what thh has said too. You are doing stressful things. Anyone would feel anxious or stressed. It's o.k to feel this way. You can deal with it. You are learning new tools to help. Read your cary along cards offten too.

LMH2011
Posts: 32
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2011 12:09 pm

Re: Need pragmatic steps/suggestions to end "What if" thinki

Post by LMH2011 » Thu Jun 23, 2011 8:37 am

My family is in the same situation, only we are hoping that my husband gets a better job so we can move! He did get an offer a couple of years ago and we were supposed to move to Florida ( we live in NY now). I was initially pushing and pushing for him to take this job and when he did, I panicked!! It ended up falling through, but I just wanted to let you know that what you're feeling is normal. This is what I told my husband....I said "go look for another job and if you get it, we will move. we can always move back home if it doesn't work out, but if we don't try, we'll never know if we could've had a better life". Maybe think about that for a little while.... ;)

Paisleegreen
Posts: 1778
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm

Re: Need pragmatic steps/suggestions to end "What if" thinki

Post by Paisleegreen » Mon Jul 18, 2011 1:07 pm

This is a very good posting, full of great ideas! Paislee :mrgreen:

Post Reply

Return to “Session 8 - Put an End to "What-If" Thinking”