70-90% of what we worry about never happens. What I worry about isn't as important or as scary as it seems, I can handle whatever comes my way no matter how uncomfortable it feels because I always have. Everything I do is because I choose to do it, I do not give other people power over me through worry anymore. So what-if they laugh at me, or try to insult me I have no intention of trying to win these people over and the fight for perfection or to be the best or be right is over. I certainly don't need these things in order to be myself and do what I want, when I want it
Above is the new quote of this lesson.
We're doing pretty good.
Here is a video to start us off
Don't worry be happy
Mike
The Challenge...Lesson 8
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Ok I made a thread for the assertiveness practice so we can do some roleplaying. So who has a situation or person they're struggling to deal with and are interested in doing some roleplaying with me in order to become better at assertiveness and for excitement?
Mike
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
Don't worry, Don't worry, be happy now...
Oh sorry, got that song stuck in my head!
Thanks Mike!
Week 8
End "What if" Thinking
* The real thing is never as bad as I imagine.
* I have the tools to face my avoidances and limitations.
* I don't have to do it the hard way.
* I can have as much control over my practice sessions as I choose.
* Every challenge is an opportunity.
* Its ok to be uncomfortable.
* I have skills I've never had before.
* Is it realistic, rational, reasonable?
* Plan. Practice. Patience.
Side 2
1. Write - your plan of action.
2. Begin - facing the fear kills the fear.
3. Baby Steps - plan for success.
4. Give Yourself - Control.
5. Face IT - take you life back.
6. Learn - How to make the next time easier. Just do it! Expect to feel some anxiety.
Lift the blanket of depression, acknowledge and take action.
"I had a horrible life - most of which never happened." - Mark Twain
Oh sorry, got that song stuck in my head!
Thanks Mike!
Week 8
End "What if" Thinking
* The real thing is never as bad as I imagine.
* I have the tools to face my avoidances and limitations.
* I don't have to do it the hard way.
* I can have as much control over my practice sessions as I choose.
* Every challenge is an opportunity.
* Its ok to be uncomfortable.
* I have skills I've never had before.
* Is it realistic, rational, reasonable?
* Plan. Practice. Patience.
Side 2
1. Write - your plan of action.
2. Begin - facing the fear kills the fear.
3. Baby Steps - plan for success.
4. Give Yourself - Control.
5. Face IT - take you life back.
6. Learn - How to make the next time easier. Just do it! Expect to feel some anxiety.
Lift the blanket of depression, acknowledge and take action.
"I had a horrible life - most of which never happened." - Mark Twain
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Here is the link to the thread where we practice.
assertiveness practice
Ok I want to talk about the feared fantasy method. Part of why we avoid doing certain things is because we are afraid of judgement. We are afraid of being judged by other people as whatever it is, is a vulnerability and we are likely to already feel bad about it and other people reacting negatively to it just reaffirms the bad feelings. Well the feared fantasy idea is where you do some roleplaying where one person is the one being attacked with harsh judgements and criticisms and the other person is the attacker. The person who is afraid of judgement first places the attacker while another person plays the one being attacked. Through roleplaying you can learn how to react to people if they really do attack you before it happens so you can build confidence and it also helps to build self-esteem and create acceptance of whatever the thing is. One of the examples I read in the book was this guy who actually had a physical deformation where his chest was more caved in and it was very obvious and the criticisms were really mean saying things like he looked like a human satalite dish or something but it turned out really well and the guy felt better about his physical deformation.
So I'm thinking it would be a great idea if we could all do this with the anxiety symptoms we are super conscious of in order to accept them more. This could come in handy for you Karen when it comes to your daughter's friends or mcshope and Lindalee when it comes to their husbands, THH when it comes to your sister in law maybe. For me it would definately come in handy socially especially for when it comes to a job. You could all post your intrests of what you want to do in that thread and I can respond to everybody separately and eventually build several scripts, I think this would be amazingly beneficial for everybody!
Mike
assertiveness practice
Ok I want to talk about the feared fantasy method. Part of why we avoid doing certain things is because we are afraid of judgement. We are afraid of being judged by other people as whatever it is, is a vulnerability and we are likely to already feel bad about it and other people reacting negatively to it just reaffirms the bad feelings. Well the feared fantasy idea is where you do some roleplaying where one person is the one being attacked with harsh judgements and criticisms and the other person is the attacker. The person who is afraid of judgement first places the attacker while another person plays the one being attacked. Through roleplaying you can learn how to react to people if they really do attack you before it happens so you can build confidence and it also helps to build self-esteem and create acceptance of whatever the thing is. One of the examples I read in the book was this guy who actually had a physical deformation where his chest was more caved in and it was very obvious and the criticisms were really mean saying things like he looked like a human satalite dish or something but it turned out really well and the guy felt better about his physical deformation.
So I'm thinking it would be a great idea if we could all do this with the anxiety symptoms we are super conscious of in order to accept them more. This could come in handy for you Karen when it comes to your daughter's friends or mcshope and Lindalee when it comes to their husbands, THH when it comes to your sister in law maybe. For me it would definately come in handy socially especially for when it comes to a job. You could all post your intrests of what you want to do in that thread and I can respond to everybody separately and eventually build several scripts, I think this would be amazingly beneficial for everybody!
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
thank you THH for the card! And I'm glad you liked that video...There is an older one coming tomorrow which I'm sure you will like as well. I'm trying to mix it up as much as I can with diffrent eras.
Ok my original quote for this week is kinda crappy as in I don't like it.
What-if the anxiety from facing the anxiety is less than that from avoiding it? What-if I feel more comfortable with anxiety and It dissipates? What-if I see my anxiety as excitement and never fear it ever again? What-if what they say is true and I realize that most of my worrysome thoughts never happen? What-if I regain control of my life? What-if I started to believe that there is no such thing as failure? What-if I faced my anxiety and realize that nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams?
New and greatly improved quote!
Mike
Ok my original quote for this week is kinda crappy as in I don't like it.
What-if the anxiety from facing the anxiety is less than that from avoiding it? What-if I feel more comfortable with anxiety and It dissipates? What-if I see my anxiety as excitement and never fear it ever again? What-if what they say is true and I realize that most of my worrysome thoughts never happen? What-if I regain control of my life? What-if I started to believe that there is no such thing as failure? What-if I faced my anxiety and realize that nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams?
New and greatly improved quote!
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
What-if the anxiety from facing the anxiety is less than that from avoiding it? What-if I feel more comfortable with anxiety and it dissipates? What-if I see my anxiety as excitement and never fear it ever again? What-if what they say is true and I realize that most of my worrysome thoughts never happen? What-if I regain control of my life? What-if I started to believe that there is no such thing as failure? What-if I faced my anxiety and realized that nothing can stop me from achieving my dreams?
Monday;
Today was alright, I still have that rushing feeling. I really hate that feeling! Its basically me trying to shape my life around this anxiety and to try doing things in a way that I have as little anxiety as possible. I am still trying to reduce the ammount of time I spend feeling anxious instead of just accepting it and floating through it, I guess you could say I'm still fighting it. It is one of the hardest things for me to just accept and float through it because it feels so uncomfortable.
I realized another unrealistic expectation and this one involves assertiveness. I have felt that I needed to always win an arguement and have to always stand up for myself and get the other person to understand me. This is unfortunately not realistic and well I was expecting this of myself and at the same time telling myself I'd never be able to accomplish this and it was making it so big that I didn't want to even try. It is like jumping from point A to point B without even taking the journey. I would get overwhelmed just thinking about being assertive (esp with my sister) because I was making it too important. The outcome was too important in my head and its really the journey that is more important.
I'm also noticing that I am making alot of excuses not to go and do something that I'd like to get done. I'd like my room to be clean, I'd like to do more with working out, I'd like to be more consistent with singing lessons, more consistent with sleep, more consistent with stretching and practicing hip-hop. I guess because I spent so much time pushing myself to rediculous levels (like when I studied for 14 hours straight or played videogames for 16 hours), that i'm not sure what is too much pushing and what is just avoidance behavior. I'm really not sure where to draw the line...any ideas?
I was realizing one of the things I was making excuses about was working. I seem to want to get to this certain level where I have very little anxiety before getting back into work and I don't think that is really realistic at least not after listening to lesson 8 when it said you have to do the things that make you feel anxious, live through it and know you can get through it.
Oh and I was stealing pumpkins from people's front yard where they were throwing them out, I'm going to make alot of pumpkin soup! For free! Oh and while I was walking to find more pumpkins, some cops stopped me and thought I was suspicious and asked if I was going to break into cars. If anybody makes me really anxious it is the cops just because of what they could do if I say the wrong thing which would have to be very wrong and unrealistic for that to come out of my mouth. I'd say I was probabbly a level 5 or 6 when talking to them and it went away. If I can handle this and still concentrate enough to spit out the words I needed to then I can handle customers in a part time job!
Thought replacement
1)My memory isn't good enough to get a job.
[Minimize, all-or-nothing]
(examine the evidence)
->I've remembered most of the things needed at all my other jobs. I've never missed fulfilling the orders of a customer, I remember the most important stuff just because I worry about it, anxiety distracts myself from recalling things and I can improve on my skills to handle the anxiety.
2)I'm too tired and anxious to do anything I'm going to screw up and embarass myself.
[Magnification, fortune telling]
(double standard)
->so what-if I do something silly or embarassing, the worst that can happen is people give me negative feedback for it and then forget about the situation. Everybody makes mistakes and does things that are stupid/embarassing so it can't be all bad.
3)I'll never overcome my sleep difficulties.
[Overgeneralization]
(Double standard)
->Hey its not an easy thing to overcome especially since I've been doing it that way for 15 years! I need to give myself some slack here. So what-if my lseep got all messed up last week, I noticed that I wasn't as motivated, didn't have as much time in my day and just felt aweful and that will be good enought to get me back on track.
4)I'm not assertive enough to handle customers right now.
[Should, Minimize]
(double standard)
->I am alot more assertive than most people and I have handled some criticisms very well, better than even a year ago. Weather I get the outcome I want or not I can still get through it. I may feel uncomfortable but thats alright, I don't always have to win and I don't always have to get the person to understand me either. I am still a very worthy person, people still lvoe me even if someone is mean to me and I don't know what to say. I'll lose many arguements and the best way to get comfy is to just go through it.
5)I should've relaxed more, I'm so lazy.
[Should, Label]
(Define terms)
->Lazy means to avoid doing the things that I need to do, it means I don't take care of myself
(semantics)
->It would be most beneficial to use the relaxation cd more but of course I'm going to resist it when I'm really tired. My sleep has been all over the place and thats ok. I don't have to do the relxation cd laying down or right when I'm about to go to sleep, I can walk and listen to that then or right after the gym.
6)What-if I have to quit a job because I can't handle it and what will they think of me.
[Fortune telling]
(Double standard)
->Then I'd have to quit the job and take care of myself and try again later. So what-if they think poorly of me? Or if they think I am always going to be that negative way? I know I'm not my behvior, I am not static, I'm human and I am allowed to be insecure and have times where I have to stop what I'm doing to protect and take care of myself. I don't have to try winning these people over or make them think I am this strong person, I'm going to go and be myself.
Mike
Monday;
Today was alright, I still have that rushing feeling. I really hate that feeling! Its basically me trying to shape my life around this anxiety and to try doing things in a way that I have as little anxiety as possible. I am still trying to reduce the ammount of time I spend feeling anxious instead of just accepting it and floating through it, I guess you could say I'm still fighting it. It is one of the hardest things for me to just accept and float through it because it feels so uncomfortable.
I realized another unrealistic expectation and this one involves assertiveness. I have felt that I needed to always win an arguement and have to always stand up for myself and get the other person to understand me. This is unfortunately not realistic and well I was expecting this of myself and at the same time telling myself I'd never be able to accomplish this and it was making it so big that I didn't want to even try. It is like jumping from point A to point B without even taking the journey. I would get overwhelmed just thinking about being assertive (esp with my sister) because I was making it too important. The outcome was too important in my head and its really the journey that is more important.
I'm also noticing that I am making alot of excuses not to go and do something that I'd like to get done. I'd like my room to be clean, I'd like to do more with working out, I'd like to be more consistent with singing lessons, more consistent with sleep, more consistent with stretching and practicing hip-hop. I guess because I spent so much time pushing myself to rediculous levels (like when I studied for 14 hours straight or played videogames for 16 hours), that i'm not sure what is too much pushing and what is just avoidance behavior. I'm really not sure where to draw the line...any ideas?
I was realizing one of the things I was making excuses about was working. I seem to want to get to this certain level where I have very little anxiety before getting back into work and I don't think that is really realistic at least not after listening to lesson 8 when it said you have to do the things that make you feel anxious, live through it and know you can get through it.
Oh and I was stealing pumpkins from people's front yard where they were throwing them out, I'm going to make alot of pumpkin soup! For free! Oh and while I was walking to find more pumpkins, some cops stopped me and thought I was suspicious and asked if I was going to break into cars. If anybody makes me really anxious it is the cops just because of what they could do if I say the wrong thing which would have to be very wrong and unrealistic for that to come out of my mouth. I'd say I was probabbly a level 5 or 6 when talking to them and it went away. If I can handle this and still concentrate enough to spit out the words I needed to then I can handle customers in a part time job!
Thought replacement
1)My memory isn't good enough to get a job.
[Minimize, all-or-nothing]
(examine the evidence)
->I've remembered most of the things needed at all my other jobs. I've never missed fulfilling the orders of a customer, I remember the most important stuff just because I worry about it, anxiety distracts myself from recalling things and I can improve on my skills to handle the anxiety.
2)I'm too tired and anxious to do anything I'm going to screw up and embarass myself.
[Magnification, fortune telling]
(double standard)
->so what-if I do something silly or embarassing, the worst that can happen is people give me negative feedback for it and then forget about the situation. Everybody makes mistakes and does things that are stupid/embarassing so it can't be all bad.
3)I'll never overcome my sleep difficulties.
[Overgeneralization]
(Double standard)
->Hey its not an easy thing to overcome especially since I've been doing it that way for 15 years! I need to give myself some slack here. So what-if my lseep got all messed up last week, I noticed that I wasn't as motivated, didn't have as much time in my day and just felt aweful and that will be good enought to get me back on track.
4)I'm not assertive enough to handle customers right now.
[Should, Minimize]
(double standard)
->I am alot more assertive than most people and I have handled some criticisms very well, better than even a year ago. Weather I get the outcome I want or not I can still get through it. I may feel uncomfortable but thats alright, I don't always have to win and I don't always have to get the person to understand me either. I am still a very worthy person, people still lvoe me even if someone is mean to me and I don't know what to say. I'll lose many arguements and the best way to get comfy is to just go through it.
5)I should've relaxed more, I'm so lazy.
[Should, Label]
(Define terms)
->Lazy means to avoid doing the things that I need to do, it means I don't take care of myself
(semantics)
->It would be most beneficial to use the relaxation cd more but of course I'm going to resist it when I'm really tired. My sleep has been all over the place and thats ok. I don't have to do the relxation cd laying down or right when I'm about to go to sleep, I can walk and listen to that then or right after the gym.
6)What-if I have to quit a job because I can't handle it and what will they think of me.
[Fortune telling]
(Double standard)
->Then I'd have to quit the job and take care of myself and try again later. So what-if they think poorly of me? Or if they think I am always going to be that negative way? I know I'm not my behvior, I am not static, I'm human and I am allowed to be insecure and have times where I have to stop what I'm doing to protect and take care of myself. I don't have to try winning these people over or make them think I am this strong person, I'm going to go and be myself.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
Mike,
I like the song,and your right, its a good "Old" tune! LOL...
I think fighting anxiety is something that will be a on going battle. I think in time it will lesson and not be as much of a bother. As I have had days with out it. Accepting it and floating though it is the best line of defense.
Good for you realizing you felt the need to win every argument! It is unrealistic. So good to see it is the journey that is most important!
Maybe to help you transition to working, you could volunteer some place, or get a part time job just to get you going in that direction. The fear of going to work will lesson as you step through that anticipatory wall. even 1 or 2 days a week. Or a couple hours a day. Just a baby step to work on and help you gain confidence that you can do it!
I think for me, avoidance is doing something instead of doing what I had in mind to do. Its for me, just better to do what I had in mind. It does get harder the longer you put it off.
LOL.... thats funny the cops stopped you! YES you can handle people in a part time job! You passed a big test! LOL...
I like the song,and your right, its a good "Old" tune! LOL...
I think fighting anxiety is something that will be a on going battle. I think in time it will lesson and not be as much of a bother. As I have had days with out it. Accepting it and floating though it is the best line of defense.
Good for you realizing you felt the need to win every argument! It is unrealistic. So good to see it is the journey that is most important!
Maybe to help you transition to working, you could volunteer some place, or get a part time job just to get you going in that direction. The fear of going to work will lesson as you step through that anticipatory wall. even 1 or 2 days a week. Or a couple hours a day. Just a baby step to work on and help you gain confidence that you can do it!
I think for me, avoidance is doing something instead of doing what I had in mind to do. Its for me, just better to do what I had in mind. It does get harder the longer you put it off.
LOL.... thats funny the cops stopped you! YES you can handle people in a part time job! You passed a big test! LOL...
-
NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
THH;
I'm glad you liked it!
I don't think fighting is the answer though. If you think about the whole fight or flight, fighting just makes it worse. Your right accepting and floating is the best. I know that intellectually but its still hard to accept that idea of accepting.
I'm actually planning to do part time work for now. I'm not sure how to control that though.
That was kinda funny actually, it did seem like a test after I went through it. Thank you for the support.
Mike
I'm glad you liked it!
I don't think fighting is the answer though. If you think about the whole fight or flight, fighting just makes it worse. Your right accepting and floating is the best. I know that intellectually but its still hard to accept that idea of accepting.
I'm actually planning to do part time work for now. I'm not sure how to control that though.
That was kinda funny actually, it did seem like a test after I went through it. Thank you for the support.
Mike
Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/