Wondering if I can really get over anxiety- maybe I'm the one exception
Stephanie, I am so sorry to hear about your trouble. I have been there, and am still there sometimes. I wasn't lucky enough to have a Mom to come sit with me, but if she would have, I would have done it in a heart-beat. I have cried many times to my Mom on the phone and begged for someone to be with me because of my fear of being alone. My husband is not near as helpful as yours, but he has had to do more than his fair share. I have been having improvement in my situation, and I know you can too. I am terrified of taking medication, just terrified. I will get the worse panic attacks from it, but I have had the dizziness, too, and the only real help I have found for that is Ativan. It helps me almost immediately. I started with taking .5mg (very occasionally, like only when it's really bad), but now I take up to 1mg, because .5mg doesn't work as well. Even with that, I am not worried about being addicted to it since I take it so infrequently. It might be something to talk with your Dr about, because believe me, I didn't think anything would help me the way it does. Also, it confirmed, for me, that the dizzy, spacey, not in my own mind, feeling like I will surely pass-out any second, feeling was really anxiety. I don't know if it works that well for everyone, but I know I have talked with a few people who have tried it out and it worked really well for two of them, and maybe not for at least one. It is really worth trying, just for those really bad times. Also, the positive self talk is so important. The problem for me has been that I don't believe the positive self talk. I will say, "I am safe", but not believe it. So make it real to you. Maybe I have to say, "I've been fine for all these years, nothing really bad has happened, if something bad is going to happen I'll deal with it when it's happening. I can't do anything in advance. No one can stop a ....(insert scary word, maybe for me heart attack) just by worrying about it. Right now I'm here and I'm feeling terrible, but I'm OK." I know that doesn't sound very comforting, but for me I had to start there to make it real for me. All the positives don't work for me if it too good to be true. Also, I have found so much help in learning to relax when my body says not to. This is soooooo hard to do and I have only begun to scratch the surface with it. I have been really listening to my relaxation CD (I didn't do it much when I first started the program, I thought it was not going to help so much, but I learned better.) Relaxation is one of the major "keys" to overcoming this condition. If you can somehow relax even when your body says to panic, you will be able to avoid many of your body symptoms. I have also tried bio-feedback, it has been some-what helpful. I have to admit I haven't given it enough attention, so I think it might prove to be even more helpful than I have allowed it to be. Another thing, is to take joy from all the little things that you can. I have often been so busy and in such a rush that I don't "stop to smell the roses". I won't even notice how beautiful the trees are or how wonderful my child's hair smells. These little positives that we can bring into our day fill our "life baskets" with good. With this anxiety it is so easy to fill our "life baskets" with only bad and then we have nothing positive to draw on. The more positive you have in your life the easier this process is. You might have to make all the little things in your life positives. Also, take baby steps and be so overly proud of yourself for any accomplishment- I mean anything. If you are able to be home for 2 minutes, and be Ok, before your Mom gets to your house, applaud yourself. Tell yourself how good you have done. Even if you aren't successful for awhile after your one success, keep reminding yourself of your success. One thing that has really been helpful to me also is giving myself a way out. I am terrified of social situations, and when I go into a store, church, whatever, I am often faced with terrible anxiety, feeling like I will pass-out, I can't see things right, like I can't focus, I can't breathe, etc... But I still push myself, like you I have children, and I can't always get out of doing things. When I go to Church I sit at the very back and I might go outside if I need to, or I might distract myself with the children, or I might even text someone, just so that I can make it through. And I tell myself, if I really need to leave, I can. If I go to a birthday party, I will tell the person who's having the party that I don't know how long I can stay, but I'll stay as long as I can. Then I have a way out. If I need to go, I can. I let my kids know ahead of time that we might not be able to stay the whole time. If you get through anything, even 5 minutes at a gathering give yourself so much credit. I have my bad days and good days. Sometimes I have a bad month, and all this hope that I am expressing to you seems like it won't work during those times, but my good times are coming more frequently and lasting longer. The things I have written to you and more (but I can't write all of it now) are what has been helping me to have more good days. I think this is a long process, but I think we all have to be so proud of ourselves when we make progress. I have so far to go and I am just beginning to see some relief and I have suffered with this since I was 4 (that I can remember), and I am now 37. My nieces suffer with this my daughter and one son suffer (not to the degree that I have it, but who knows). I believe it is genetic, but also environmental. I think that if we can make progress then our children can learn from us. I married (17 years old) and had children really young (18 years old) and I think that my anxiety got a whole lot worse after that, because I felt so much responsibility and a need to be on the earth for a long time to take care of them and make sure they have a Mother. All of us have certain thoughts that make things worse for us, but I think the thought of my children without me really started a lot of my really bad anxiety. Knowing that I don't have control over how long I will live bothers me greatly, but no one can control it. It's just something that we can't dwell on. We are here today, and that's all we have. So my idea is to make the most of today. Show my children how great they are today, and let them know everything that I would want them to know about how much I love them, etc, today. Then I have done my best for them. Everyday that I am with them if I do my best then I have given all I have to give, and I have made the most of the time that I do have. There are many people who have overcome this, we can do it too. Keep up with your Attacking Anxiety program, it's so helpful. Feel free to contact me anytime, for anything. My heart goes out to you, because I know just how you feel. It is like a living hell, but don't let it suck your life from you. If the worse things that you can think of happen how much worse is it than the nightmare of living everyday with anxiety? Try to let go. Please know that I am not trying to minimize what you have said, and I know how extreme it feels and is, but if we don't let go we will life our lives in misery. And that's no way to live. Try really hard to fill up your "life basket" with something good today. Give those girls an extra hug and hold their little hands and think how lucky you are to be so honored to be their Mother. Again, please contact me anytime. wendy@mattmccoy.org
Marie, I can only say to you what I replied to Stephanie. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. None of us deserve to be here in this terrible mess of anxiety. Please read what I wrote to Stephanie, because I meant to write it to you, too. Not that I know anything or am helpful, or have magical words, but just that I care,and I know how you feel, and I want you to know you are not alone. There is a whole group of people out there who have felt the same way and some have learned to over-come. I want to be in that group, the overcomers. Maybe we can help each other to succeed. Please feel free to email me for anything. I left my email on the post to Stephanie, please view it as a reply to you as well. Take Care, Wendy