The what if's that drive my anxiety are what if they don't like me and what if I completely freeze when I confront someone about a conflict.
I want to be able to say great things like they do in the movies right at the perfect time. Just be as cool as can be. This is what keeps me stuck and no moving thru the fear. This over the top expectations that I shoot myself in the foot every time.
I think lightening up and letting myself screw up and pat myself on my back for the little movement forward should be my game plan.
I have the what if they don't like me
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Guest
Am I the only one with every what-if there is?
I have both of those, plus;
What if;
;I get to work late
;People see the depressed look on my face
;I lose my job because I said something (that I think is) wrong
;The cat scratches my eyeball when I'm sleeping again
;I don't get enough sleep tonight
;The economy crashes
;I never get married and have children
;I never even find a girlfriend
;I assert myself too much and lose my job
;I fail at this interview/audition/gathering
;I don't find anyone who likes me to mingle with
;I don't get all my forms from contract jobs and can't do my taxes
;Europe becomes even more culturally and racially mixed is all but destroyed
;I didn't seem happy enough to my boss
;I lose my job because I didn't seem happy enough to my boss
Those are some of the thoughts that go through my head. Feel free to add more.
I have both of those, plus;
What if;
;I get to work late
;People see the depressed look on my face
;I lose my job because I said something (that I think is) wrong
;The cat scratches my eyeball when I'm sleeping again
;I don't get enough sleep tonight
;The economy crashes
;I never get married and have children
;I never even find a girlfriend
;I assert myself too much and lose my job
;I fail at this interview/audition/gathering
;I don't find anyone who likes me to mingle with
;I don't get all my forms from contract jobs and can't do my taxes
;Europe becomes even more culturally and racially mixed is all but destroyed
;I didn't seem happy enough to my boss
;I lose my job because I didn't seem happy enough to my boss
Those are some of the thoughts that go through my head. Feel free to add more.
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Guest
Oh wow I have quite a few more to add to our list.
What if:
I can't make her have an orgasm.
I loose my erection.
My whole family dies and I am the only living family member. (There are no offspring in my family)
I never get accepted into galleries.
I die very lonely in a hospital with no one to care and no one to visit.
I have a whole lot more... we could do a competition to see who has the most what ifs. Sounds like a fun competition for me.
What if she doesn't call me back.
What if my friends ignore me.
I think the bottom line is that I have been using this stuff to distract me from the things that really bother me. Like my sister being sick and I miss having someone here at home with me. I am on lesson 10 now and really working deep and things are surfacing in a tough and good way.
What lesson are you on?
What if:
I can't make her have an orgasm.
I loose my erection.
My whole family dies and I am the only living family member. (There are no offspring in my family)
I never get accepted into galleries.
I die very lonely in a hospital with no one to care and no one to visit.
I have a whole lot more... we could do a competition to see who has the most what ifs. Sounds like a fun competition for me.
What if she doesn't call me back.
What if my friends ignore me.
I think the bottom line is that I have been using this stuff to distract me from the things that really bother me. Like my sister being sick and I miss having someone here at home with me. I am on lesson 10 now and really working deep and things are surfacing in a tough and good way.
What lesson are you on?
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Guest
I have what if:
I die and nobody comes to my funeral.
I never make a friend again.
My husband stops loving me.
My daughter grows up to hate me.
I succeed in driving everyone away.
I become too dependant on my 5 year old.
My life compeletely falls apart.
I die completely lonely.
Those are just a few of the big ones. I couldn't even name them all. Depressing when you read them. I really like Lucinda's suggestion of "what if" something positive. What if I go to the party and make a new friend and/or have fun. Or something similar. I am trying to focus on that instead.
I die and nobody comes to my funeral.
I never make a friend again.
My husband stops loving me.
My daughter grows up to hate me.
I succeed in driving everyone away.
I become too dependant on my 5 year old.
My life compeletely falls apart.
I die completely lonely.
Those are just a few of the big ones. I couldn't even name them all. Depressing when you read them. I really like Lucinda's suggestion of "what if" something positive. What if I go to the party and make a new friend and/or have fun. Or something similar. I am trying to focus on that instead.
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Guest
The What ifs:What if:
* I never get better from anxiety?
* I can never drive again?
* I have to rely on my family forever?
* I can never get out on my own?
* I could never hold down another job?
* I could never socialize with friends/family
again?
* I never fulfill my musical dreams because of
my anxiety?
* I go to the dentist and pass out?
* I pass out in a store while shopping?
* I pass out while driving?
* I was left all alone?
* noone was here to love me?
* my friends gave up on me?
I haven't gotten to this part of the program, but I have alot to work on..hopefully this will be a growth spurt in my life..someone once told my father that I didn't know who I was..What if I found me?
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Guest
I wrote down one of my persistent SOB thoughts,
What if I drive everyone out of my life?
So I wrote out how I would make that possible and it goes like this.
I would have to be the most irritating person in the world. Call people 3-4 times a day, eat lots of beans and eggs to get gas so I would get IBS and far on them all the time, when people got close I would start twitching and shaking like a nervous guy, and if that didn't run them off. I can be the angry guy that flys off the handle for no reason.
The truth of the matter is that would not do it either...
Oh well I guess I am just gonna have to get used to having loving people in my life...
What if I drive everyone out of my life?
So I wrote out how I would make that possible and it goes like this.
I would have to be the most irritating person in the world. Call people 3-4 times a day, eat lots of beans and eggs to get gas so I would get IBS and far on them all the time, when people got close I would start twitching and shaking like a nervous guy, and if that didn't run them off. I can be the angry guy that flys off the handle for no reason.
The truth of the matter is that would not do it either...
Oh well I guess I am just gonna have to get used to having loving people in my life...
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Guest
Mark,
Wait a minute, that is my biggest what if... I am scared to death that this f-ing condition will drive everyone I care about away. Also, I read your earlier post about the what if I lose my erection? Do men really worry about this because I am a woman and this happened to me with this guy I am crazy about and I thought it was me. I felt like he wasn't attracted enough to me. Anyways, I haven't been with him since because I am so freaked out that I don't turn him on anymore. Ok now I'm bawling. Gotta go.
Julie
Wait a minute, that is my biggest what if... I am scared to death that this f-ing condition will drive everyone I care about away. Also, I read your earlier post about the what if I lose my erection? Do men really worry about this because I am a woman and this happened to me with this guy I am crazy about and I thought it was me. I felt like he wasn't attracted enough to me. Anyways, I haven't been with him since because I am so freaked out that I don't turn him on anymore. Ok now I'm bawling. Gotta go.
Julie
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Guest
Oh yes loosing my erection is many mens focus during having sex and it is totally counter productive because, if I focus on loosing my erection it doesn't feel sensual and sexual so yes I loose my hard-on. And it has nothing to do with how hot the girl is... in fact, for me, it's not how hot she is, it is how much she is relaxed and in the moment with me that is the biggest turn on. Moans: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOs and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA go a long way. There are 2 great books called How to improve your marriage without talking and Sex on the Brain... Well I hope you stop bawl and get balling soon... good luck. Oh sorry... I just had to say it, it was too perfect. LOL.
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Guest
Corr's post was a good reminder of the session where Lucinda talks about using positive 'what ifs'. "What if I get the promotion"? "What if I go to the party and end up having fun?" etc.etc. I've been trying to integrate the positive what ifs with the expectation session, so if anyone has any suggestions...?? They seem to contradict each other but I may be missing something.