Here I go again. The what ifs on my driving is really getting tough. I am once again doubting my abilities to drive and second guessing myself. It is getting so hard.
I went to baseball with my kids this evening. Backed into parking space so that I make sure I am able to see properly pulling out. There are so many little ones running around. Last night my eldest son walked behind a backing car at the baseball field and it scared me.
Left the park and had a big pick truck follow me from the ball park most of my journey home - right on my tail the whole time. It looked like he was ready to pass me at times. Seemed very impatient although I was driving within the speed limit.
I could begin to feel the little rise in anxiety level. Kept using self talk all the way home. It's no big deal, its ok, I;m ok. etc.
When it came to take a left onto side street , I had made sure to put my indicator on looked up in rear view mirror to see distance he was to me from behind, and I pulled across. then I heard a long beep on the horn. I thought Oh my God, did I not even look for what;'s coming against me, as the road has a slight bend on it. This has been the sight of many accidents.
I completely panicked, worried if I just taken the left against oncoming traffic and neraly caused an accident. Was I so preoccupied with this driver that I never looked. I thought I the all clear, maybe I didn't.
I feel absolutely sick to my stomach as my children were in the car.
I know, thank God, nothing happended but I have myself absolutley sick with worry over what if I wasn't paying attention.
When I go out to drive now I feel the grip of fear and all the what if crazy scenarios flood through me. I can;t give up driving because where I live in the suburbs you have to drive everywhere.
Last night at the ball field, I had pulled into a parking space and when the game had ended I sat there a full 5 minutes before I could back out, in fear that I would not be able to see any youngsters, when I was backing. My son kept asking why can't we leave mom.
My husband was in a serious MVA 2 weeks ago, down the street from our home, thank God, he is ok but I know my fear of driving has intensified since his accident. I have purchased Carolyn's driving tape and I have listened to it many times.
I have overcome so much with the hel;p of this program. I am out more and feeling more confident in my abilities as a person and as a mother. It's just the driving thing has me freaked out.
Has anyone else experienced this or anything similar? Does anyone have any recommendations for me. I am feeling like a failure that I can't just drive to and from without always having a problem.
I am telling myself even if I turn against traffic because I was feelign anxious, nothing happened, where all ok. There was no accident. But that negative voice in my head is telling me to stay off the roads, I'm a menace behind the wheel, you can;t drive you have anxiety disorder, what if you have a panic attack driving with your kids and the next time we're not so lucky.
I'm trying to be my own safe person and comfort myself through this. Yet here I am reaching out because I am having difficulty comforting myself.
Sorry for the length of this post. I do actually feel a little better just writing. Thank you all for listening. I am determined to beat this ang I will. Take care and God Bless.
what ifs on my driving- help
I have a really hard time driving. I always make excuses why I can't drive. I was driving when I had my first panic attack 10 yrs ago. So driving has been hard. I start to feel dizzy and feel like I can't pay attention to the road. I tend to speed up when I am having an anxiety attack while driving, kinda scarey with my kids in the car. Sometimes aiming the A/C at my face full blast helps. It sounds like you won't allow yourself to quit, thats awesome. This is mostly the reason I bought this program to help me get back on the road. What is the driving tape? Does it help? Hang in there, and keep forcing yourself to drive.
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Guest
Hello BMLAW
Thanks for the reply. It helps to know that I'm not the only one with driving issues. I had to go out today and do errands. I drove on the expressway and on the local streets all the while telling myself I am a good and competent driver. i even drove on the same street where I had my what if moment from yesterday evening. I played session 3 self talk the whole time. I refuse to be beaten by this fear of driving. I went through my workbook last night and concentrated on the section 2 panic attacks and 3 negative self talk. I really need to work on relaxation tape. I told myself over and over again nothing happended and we were all ok. If I did turn against oncoming traffic and did not see it I refuse to beat myself up over it any more. It's was a mistake and as they say in the workbok its a learning experience.
Carolyn's driving tape is about how she over came her fear of driving. It's not the act of driving, its what your telling yourself when you are driving. I have found it helpful. I have also started reading dale carnegie's how to overcome worry. He mentions living in day tight compartments-where you live each day till bedtime. When the day is over you put it in the container and move forward, not looking back. I just started this concept of living day tight compartmnets so wish me luck.
I wish you much suceess in recovery. take care and God Bless,
Thanks for the reply. It helps to know that I'm not the only one with driving issues. I had to go out today and do errands. I drove on the expressway and on the local streets all the while telling myself I am a good and competent driver. i even drove on the same street where I had my what if moment from yesterday evening. I played session 3 self talk the whole time. I refuse to be beaten by this fear of driving. I went through my workbook last night and concentrated on the section 2 panic attacks and 3 negative self talk. I really need to work on relaxation tape. I told myself over and over again nothing happended and we were all ok. If I did turn against oncoming traffic and did not see it I refuse to beat myself up over it any more. It's was a mistake and as they say in the workbok its a learning experience.
Carolyn's driving tape is about how she over came her fear of driving. It's not the act of driving, its what your telling yourself when you are driving. I have found it helpful. I have also started reading dale carnegie's how to overcome worry. He mentions living in day tight compartments-where you live each day till bedtime. When the day is over you put it in the container and move forward, not looking back. I just started this concept of living day tight compartmnets so wish me luck.
I wish you much suceess in recovery. take care and God Bless,