Have not been very active, mostly just listening to the CDs. Just got thru the 4th operation for 2 broken wrists I suffered exactly 1 yr ago. Being on pain meds has really slowed me down & zapped what little motivation I have had. Most of my energy is spent trying to get thru a day. But some of this is just excuse & not commiting, so I need to do that.
And I am coming back & I will finish this program. Just taking me awhile. But I do have the hardest time loving (even liking) myself. Or having compassion for myself. There are times I have no idea how I would do that. Other times, I think I have an idea. But I would like to hear from others who might have been challenged or wrestled with this concept.
Much thanks...
How do you have love and/or compassion for yourself???
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fightback76
- Posts: 28
- Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 11:59 pm
Try to look at all the negative thoughts you have about yourself as products of other peoples negativity. You did not come in to this world to complain and feel bad. I think feeling bad is a result of not living up to your human potential.
The book "What to say when you talk to yourself" by Shad Helmsetter was a good starting point for me - it gave clear instructions on how to recognize my negative thoughts and realize the enormous effect they have on how you feel.
For me a huge thing is to look at my accomplishments big and small. I spent most of the last 10 years feeling bad about things I didn't do, I decided to spend the now time rewarding my self for the smallest of things, and being thankful for small things.
For example, if I didn't feel like brushing my teeth, but I did it, I congratulate myself out loud on it (ok, not always out loud, but sometimes if you do it can make you smile)
Or I take notice of the tiniest things at work, like "I really love this stapler -it's better than any other one here" - If you look for small things to be pleased about, and keep looking for them every day all the time, you will start to feel good about your day, the world and yourself. If you can be positive, you will be able to help sooooo many people - most of the world is having trouble coping - you will soon see the negativity falling away from you and a new world being created filled with positive things and people, and a you that you really love. Believe it, you will love yourself eventually!
Heather
The book "What to say when you talk to yourself" by Shad Helmsetter was a good starting point for me - it gave clear instructions on how to recognize my negative thoughts and realize the enormous effect they have on how you feel.
For me a huge thing is to look at my accomplishments big and small. I spent most of the last 10 years feeling bad about things I didn't do, I decided to spend the now time rewarding my self for the smallest of things, and being thankful for small things.
For example, if I didn't feel like brushing my teeth, but I did it, I congratulate myself out loud on it (ok, not always out loud, but sometimes if you do it can make you smile)
Or I take notice of the tiniest things at work, like "I really love this stapler -it's better than any other one here" - If you look for small things to be pleased about, and keep looking for them every day all the time, you will start to feel good about your day, the world and yourself. If you can be positive, you will be able to help sooooo many people - most of the world is having trouble coping - you will soon see the negativity falling away from you and a new world being created filled with positive things and people, and a you that you really love. Believe it, you will love yourself eventually!
Heather
I liked Heather's idea about being positive about even the tiniest things. I set myself up something to look forward to every day. Usually it's going home or taking a nap or watching my favorite show or having a bite of ice cream (I'm diabetic, so I can only have a taste). Today, I get to have left over pizza when I get home. 
Also, whenever I feel depressed, I usually pretend my mom's talking to me and telling me what a wonderful person I am and how God has a plan for all of us and our lives will get better if we have faith and if we keep trying. That's the challenge of life, I think, to keep trying.
Plus, since I started this program and started trying to say positive things about myself, my fiance has done a great job of trying to compliment me more often and saying how he notices how hard I try and how we'll make our lives better a bit at a time. He also tells me to stop what I'm doing and relax! I need that sometimes. I feel I'm not trying hard enough (at finding a job for example) until I try so hard I'm literally exhausted. But he's good about helping me relax, or giving me permission to relax in my head.
I also try to find something good about myself every day. Like, "my shirt's a little lose, maybe I lost a couple pounds" or "man, my hair could not be cuter!" It also helps to set aside 5-10 minutes every morning to talk to my sweet orange kitty. I hold her up on my shoulder while I get out my lunch and brush my teeth. She just purrs and meows! And I get to kiss her fat, bald tummy!
But try to find something that makes you happy every day, whatever that may be! Say NICE things to yourself. Pretend you're sitting beside you in the car and talking to you like a friend. What would you say to you if you were your friend? Be your own cheerleading squad! You are the best you there ever was or ever will be!
Also, whenever I feel depressed, I usually pretend my mom's talking to me and telling me what a wonderful person I am and how God has a plan for all of us and our lives will get better if we have faith and if we keep trying. That's the challenge of life, I think, to keep trying.
Plus, since I started this program and started trying to say positive things about myself, my fiance has done a great job of trying to compliment me more often and saying how he notices how hard I try and how we'll make our lives better a bit at a time. He also tells me to stop what I'm doing and relax! I need that sometimes. I feel I'm not trying hard enough (at finding a job for example) until I try so hard I'm literally exhausted. But he's good about helping me relax, or giving me permission to relax in my head.
I also try to find something good about myself every day. Like, "my shirt's a little lose, maybe I lost a couple pounds" or "man, my hair could not be cuter!" It also helps to set aside 5-10 minutes every morning to talk to my sweet orange kitty. I hold her up on my shoulder while I get out my lunch and brush my teeth. She just purrs and meows! And I get to kiss her fat, bald tummy!
But try to find something that makes you happy every day, whatever that may be! Say NICE things to yourself. Pretend you're sitting beside you in the car and talking to you like a friend. What would you say to you if you were your friend? Be your own cheerleading squad! You are the best you there ever was or ever will be!
I don't know what your background is, but a lot of us struggle with learning to love and accept ourselves. As I see it, we all have God-given worth which is not dependent upon our abilites, looks, intelligence, performance, etc. It is a constant which never changes. I didn't get this idea out of the program. That is my view from reading other material. So, if you believe you have worth apart from achievement and performance it is easier to learn to love and accept yourself, in my view.
But, this takes work, journaling the arguments against loving yourself, seeking to challenge those arguments with more loving, compassionate thoughts, and seeking to put into practice the other skills taught in the program. Just listening to the CDs will not do a lot of good, in my opinion. Application and doing what you hear is where the rubber hits the road.
But, this takes work, journaling the arguments against loving yourself, seeking to challenge those arguments with more loving, compassionate thoughts, and seeking to put into practice the other skills taught in the program. Just listening to the CDs will not do a lot of good, in my opinion. Application and doing what you hear is where the rubber hits the road.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger, the smarter, the faster hand; But sooner or later the person who wins is the one who thinks "I can." Author Unknown
http://dp19032k9.webs.com
http://dp19032k9.webs.com
Heather had some great advice. You need to get in touch with your inner self. Those feelings we have about ourself are learned. THey come from external sources such as our parents, schools, the media. Inside each of us there is this unlimited potential that needs to break free of the contraints that have been taught to it by an unforgiving world. It starts with what Heather was saying the little things like wow I do have the greatest stapler in the world. Then it grows into bigger things, like I have the best smile in the world. It will take time, but it will happen. Good luck.
Julie
Julie