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hi..im new here..i know that i had OCD as a child, i was constantly in fear of harming my mom. She always brushed off those symptoms because she didnt want to think that she had a less than perfect daughter. Well about a year ago, the OCD came back, usually just one week out of the month i had the fear that i would harm my dog (whom is my best friend) or my sister (a close second to the dog.) well, when i was a junior in high school, I had an abortion. (I know...go ahead ..i am beating myself up about it.) and never told my mom. I know that if i tell my mom, i will be kicked out of the house and my family will disown me (including my sister..who seriously looks down upon this) and i wont have anywhere to live. Well all of a sudden my OCD is telling me that i have to tell my mom/dad/sister about the abortion. I can't get the thoughts out of my head...Ill feel okay for about an hour or two and then all of a sudden the thoughts come back and overtake me..im depressed, anxious..i can't sleep...i cant eat i need help! and i feel like therapy isnt an option right now, not until i get out on my own because i cant afford it and my mom wont take me seriously. aaah..anyone relate? anyone have advice? please help! The main reason im so worried i think is that im going on a trip with my sister soon, and im afraid i might burst out with it?? anyone have advice from their therapy sessions about this? Ive really been looking into CBT..if i go there..will they make me confess to my family in order to get over this? because thats not an option.
OCD GUILT!!!!!!!!! PLEAASSSE HELP ASAP!
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Guest
Listen...
Nobody even a therapist can tell you what to do. The abortion was a private and very personal issue. You should only tell those people who you know for certain have your very best interests at heart and have the maturity and wisdom and caring nature to regard that information as sacred and remain in a non-judgmental place. You owe it to yourself to try to ensure that you are properly taken care of. Nobody, in my opinion, who you know would respond that way has earned the right to know.
Guilt is a funny thing...give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Confession is good for the soul, however, if you do ultimately feel you must tell your family, I would be sure you are prepared for and can handle the possible negative consequences. Until then, find people who you know will accept you no matter what. My 2 cents...
Nobody even a therapist can tell you what to do. The abortion was a private and very personal issue. You should only tell those people who you know for certain have your very best interests at heart and have the maturity and wisdom and caring nature to regard that information as sacred and remain in a non-judgmental place. You owe it to yourself to try to ensure that you are properly taken care of. Nobody, in my opinion, who you know would respond that way has earned the right to know.
Guilt is a funny thing...give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Confession is good for the soul, however, if you do ultimately feel you must tell your family, I would be sure you are prepared for and can handle the possible negative consequences. Until then, find people who you know will accept you no matter what. My 2 cents...
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Guest
Ok first off, CALM DOWN! These are just thoughts. What this program teaches, is that 95% of the scary thouhts we have do not reflect reality, and are really just there to distract us or make us miserable. Second off about your abortion, You made the best desicion you could at the time. The only person that has the right to judge you is yourself. Your guilt is probably far harsher punishment than what anyone else could throw at you.
Here is my recommendations. First stop beating up on yourself. You are a worthy person who does not deserve this torment. Accept that. Second get a notebook and when you get these thoughts write them down. Then analzyse them logically. Would your mother and father really abandon you? I don't know you or your family, but here is how I would see it. At worst your parents owuld be mad at you for a while, but forgive you. At best they would probably just be glad you told them and give you the support you need. Now after really using logic, not emotion to analyze these thoughts, and you are still sure they would kick you out, then I reccommend that you tell someone else close to you. A friend cousin, consuler, teacher, anyone you can trust. As for CBT, I dont think anything will MAKE you confess to your family. If you feel like telling them will make you feel better then maybe you should. But you have to constantly tell yourself, literally say it and write it, that you are worthy and you don't deserve this guilt you feel. Because you really don't. No one deserves to live like this.
Here is my recommendations. First stop beating up on yourself. You are a worthy person who does not deserve this torment. Accept that. Second get a notebook and when you get these thoughts write them down. Then analzyse them logically. Would your mother and father really abandon you? I don't know you or your family, but here is how I would see it. At worst your parents owuld be mad at you for a while, but forgive you. At best they would probably just be glad you told them and give you the support you need. Now after really using logic, not emotion to analyze these thoughts, and you are still sure they would kick you out, then I reccommend that you tell someone else close to you. A friend cousin, consuler, teacher, anyone you can trust. As for CBT, I dont think anything will MAKE you confess to your family. If you feel like telling them will make you feel better then maybe you should. But you have to constantly tell yourself, literally say it and write it, that you are worthy and you don't deserve this guilt you feel. Because you really don't. No one deserves to live like this.
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Guest
Tryinhard is right...you are worthy. First of all, I don't feel abortion is necessarily a bad though it is a major decision. If you do, then try to hear this. I believe in God there is no time, so the past and future are really irrelevant to Him and are only thoughts we have. Know your worth and your value as a Child of God...Nothing, and I mean NOTHING changes that. (When I'm in a bad spot, please remind me of this as well)...I don't like it when folks get preachy but I hope this helps you relax a little...
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Guest
yeah they will FOR sure kick me out and never talk to me again. I test them sometimes by saying things like "what if i got an abortion" and my mom is like "OOOOH DON'T EVEN TALK LIKE THAT" and my family is all just VERY pro-life. You'd have to know them to see. Plus im always chiming in on how against abortion is..up until lately i came to terms with my decision and just recently that OCD nagging is trapping me. When im not feeling the ocd or the anxiousness, im thinking OH THANK GOD I DIDNT TELL THEM i would NEVER want to tell them..up until i get the COMPULSION to confess and im like afraid im just going to blurt it out! its the WEIRDEST feeeling..Does anyone have any other pointers or ways of helping me get these thoughts out before i end up ruining my life?
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Guest
I imagine the guilt or maybe just going through a traumatic experience like an abortion is eating you up inside. Is there a priest or pastor or church counseling program you can go to? I really thinks you need a "safe" person to go to and get your feelings off your chest. I'm an impulse person too and have blurted things out after holding them in until I thought I was going to die. It feels so good to gets things out in the open.
The abortion has happened. There's nothing that can be done to change that. Have you accepted it? Do you feel guilt? Most importantly, can you ask God for forgiveness and FORGIVE YOURSELF?? Don't beat yourself up anymore. Nothing can change the past. It's time to let yourself off the hook.
Your family- Is this something they really need to know? Do they need to know right now? Can you trust your sister if you talk to her sincerly? She may be pro-life. I am too, but I don't condemn you. You made a choice that you thought was best for you at the time. That's all we can do it what we think is the best thing. And remember- nobody has a right to judge you- not even family. What other people think of you doesn't matter. You can't let negative opinions and judgements affect you- it goes against what this program teaches.
For the record, I got pregnant in college and lived with it for 3 months before I went to my family. I thought the worst too, that I would be kicked out and shunned. It was a shock for them, as this may be for your family when and if you tell them. But they got over it.
For now, when you have those obsessive, compulsive thoughts, come up with a saying to get them out of your head. I use "Lord, please take these thoughts from my head." And I say it over and over. I too have had thoughts, no- really fears, of hurting others. But I know I AND YOU are good and would never do anything to hurt another, not even a dog.
But don't let this eat you up inside and ruin your life. Find a safe person to talk talk until you figure out if it's something you want to share with your family. Good luck and GOD BLESS YOU! Beverly
The abortion has happened. There's nothing that can be done to change that. Have you accepted it? Do you feel guilt? Most importantly, can you ask God for forgiveness and FORGIVE YOURSELF?? Don't beat yourself up anymore. Nothing can change the past. It's time to let yourself off the hook.
Your family- Is this something they really need to know? Do they need to know right now? Can you trust your sister if you talk to her sincerly? She may be pro-life. I am too, but I don't condemn you. You made a choice that you thought was best for you at the time. That's all we can do it what we think is the best thing. And remember- nobody has a right to judge you- not even family. What other people think of you doesn't matter. You can't let negative opinions and judgements affect you- it goes against what this program teaches.
For the record, I got pregnant in college and lived with it for 3 months before I went to my family. I thought the worst too, that I would be kicked out and shunned. It was a shock for them, as this may be for your family when and if you tell them. But they got over it.
For now, when you have those obsessive, compulsive thoughts, come up with a saying to get them out of your head. I use "Lord, please take these thoughts from my head." And I say it over and over. I too have had thoughts, no- really fears, of hurting others. But I know I AND YOU are good and would never do anything to hurt another, not even a dog.
But don't let this eat you up inside and ruin your life. Find a safe person to talk talk until you figure out if it's something you want to share with your family. Good luck and GOD BLESS YOU! Beverly
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Imreallynotcrazy?
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2009 11:49 am
bevhembree-- thank you so much for your insight. the funny thing is no my family does not need to know, especially not right now durnig the holidays. Which is why is it so strange to me that my mind is telling me to tell them. and i really cannot tell my sister this, she tells my mom everything and i know how against abortion she is. I have come to terms with my own guilt, but the guilt of hiding this from my family is somehow eating me up inside. I feel like i dont have anyone to talk to and while today was a better day i felt okay for about 6 hours then boom the guilt hits me and i feel the urge to confess. I dont understand why this is coming up so suddenly. It just hit me a few weeks ago lying in my bed. I know that i dont want anyone to know and personally i dont see why i should have to tell my family, but no matter how much logic i use, the ocd continues to attack me. Thanks again, all of your posts really have helped me.
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Guest
Hi There..
I completely understand the compulsion to confess.. I get it know like I want to blurt out "I have ocd ok, thats why.." whatever.. but It is so important to continue to separate what is an OCD thought and what is just stress manifesting into an ocd thought! you control your thoughts.
What you went through is a personal thing. You can to terms with it and it sounds like you are doing ok again. You dont need to tell anyone this personal thing. never. It is important in life to keep things to yourself that is what makes us individuals.
Dont forget you control the thoughts. I can see your ocd is obviously back due to stress. If you feel you need that support or closure of telling someone chose a good friend or call a help line.. anything. I think you are on the right track. Just remember the ocd is the festering of something else. Deal with the root and the ocd will subside!
Best wishes!
I completely understand the compulsion to confess.. I get it know like I want to blurt out "I have ocd ok, thats why.." whatever.. but It is so important to continue to separate what is an OCD thought and what is just stress manifesting into an ocd thought! you control your thoughts.
What you went through is a personal thing. You can to terms with it and it sounds like you are doing ok again. You dont need to tell anyone this personal thing. never. It is important in life to keep things to yourself that is what makes us individuals.
Dont forget you control the thoughts. I can see your ocd is obviously back due to stress. If you feel you need that support or closure of telling someone chose a good friend or call a help line.. anything. I think you are on the right track. Just remember the ocd is the festering of something else. Deal with the root and the ocd will subside!
Best wishes!