Stress Center Peer Support

So I have been working on my anxiety for more than a year now. I have accomplished so much. I no longer fear panic attacks. I set goals and am actually working towards them. I am going through the program a second time. About a month ago I began having really scary obsessive thoughts about depression and hurting myself. On the news and t.v. you just see stories about people with depression and commiting suicide. I began obsessing " What if I ever got so sick and frustrated and depressed that I began to consider suicide? Well I started lesson 10 and began finding comfort. But It is still very difficult. I finally made an appointment to see a therapists, and I go to see her in 5 days. I wish I could see her now, but she is on vacation and a lot of the therapists I have been reccomended are also on vacation, no surprise it is the holidays and all.

These last few days have been extremely difficult. I have talked to my parents and my girlfriend and friends about my thoughts. It brings me much comfort knowing how much love and support I have. I love my life and feel so free when I am not experiencing Anxiety. I have no reason to hurt myself. I have a million reasons to live. But dealing with anxiety brings on depression too and sometimes in my anxious episodes I have these thoughts and I get so upset because I don't want to hurt myself but the thoughts are flying in your head and you even begin to doubt. I am not always like this. I find I obsess more on my days off from work when I have a lot of free time.
Yestrerday I had a panic attack and I called my girlfriend crying because I was so scared that I might consider suicide. I would never do it and don;t want to do it. And I find comfort knowing that anytime the thoughts get really hard to stop my initial response is Stop! Thats not true or I need help right now.

I just want to make them stop so that I can live my life peacefully.
I am tired of living with anxiety disorder But I will NEVER get tired of living. I want to get better. Can anyone out there relate? Or have some advice on how they cope with it? Thank you


God Bless

Eddy

hi eddy i can relate to your thoughts.i have the same thoughts when i have a lot of free time also. i just let them come and go and try not to get scared and they seem to go away a lot faster and they don't last as long.hope you can find a way to make it a little easier just remember that you won't act on your thoughts

Hey dd thank you so much. I am happy to report that yesterday I turned a really rough day to a fantastic evening. I began to feel great on the way to work because I thought oh awesome I will be so distracted I will no be obsessing. Well on the drive there i was singing and laughing and feeling like I was going to call the shots. Well when I got to work I was still obsessing. I was feeling so fearful and depressed. My negative catastrophizing had me believing I was hopeless and considering hurting myself. But I said STOP. I am feeling anxious and depressed. Depression does not lead to hurting yourself. Everyone has depression, everyone feels lost at times. That doesn't mean you will hurt yourself. I will allow myself to feel this way. I have all the help I need. I have a lot of love in my life. And I have the will to get better. It will take time and I have all the time in the world. I will get through this. I accept this. And all of a sudden I began to sing in my head and start helping customers at work and it felt like I was a new person. I felt like the real me. I just stopped obsessing. I did not obsess for the rest of the night. I went 8 hours without obsessing! When I had the thoughts again I would counter them and laugh and think to myself, thank god I don't believe any of those things.
I am looking foward to today. This morning I began obsessing when I woke up. And I used the same method I used yesterday. I accepted and countered irrational thoughts. I feel great right now. Thank you for your support too.

God Bless and Much Love,
EddyJ

Keep up the good work, Eddy, stick with accepting the thoughts and fear, trying to stop them makes it worse. Much love and enjoy your holiday season!!!