Irrational Thoughts
I have read a lot on these forums, and now I have a different (or I think different) question. The thoughts come a bit less, but I'm always really tense..then when I don't have total anxiety over a scary thought, I think...oh wait, I didn't respond like I did with total disgust, does that mean I can just do it? Like fight or flight and I can just act on this horrible thought? How come I can't relax and feel peaceful and happy? I used to...and then the second question...for some reason, in my head I would say, we all have to go through something once in our lives. So, I have been through the sudo-divorce with my oldest daughter's father (never married, but lived together, engaged, etc.), I am married now to a wonderful man, so now I have the divorce-kinda, the marriage..then I'm going through a bankruptcy...which is really really hard for me to accept, after having phenomenal credit up to that point (we started a business, it's a constant money sucker). So i've gone through all this, will I hurt someone as going through something once? Jail time, etc...I mean, it seems ridiculous to me, I don't know why I think of the worst possible things..I saw a movie once, breakdown or taken, something where this guys wife was taken...and then he went through what his wife had gone through..the reason? This guy said once he had saved somone's life, and wanted to see if he was capable of something that good, if he was capable of something just as evil. So of course my mind starts going there...I'm a good mom I hope, I'm ridiculously guilty for just about everything, I even feel the need to tell my husband if I flirt w/someone. I justwant this tension to release and for me to be confident in my ability not to perform horrible actions like that..just calm. Any encouraging words?
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